Becoming Depressed

Hey guys, my name is Jenn, i'm 22 years old, and was told by a doctor that i have alopecia on June 11th 2011, it started out with 3 small bald spots and it has not grown to 4 bald spots, one the size of a baseball, two the sizes of golf balls and the other the size of about a tennis ball, and a fifth one is on its way right now started out the size of a pea and is about the size of a grape now, and continuing to thin, my hair has thinned out alot since june and i just keep losing more and more. I was using a cream on my bald spots that wasnt working, a doctor told me to use rogaine but after researching side effects on a female i have decided i do not want to use it as i do not want to end up growing facial hair. I have a dermatologist appointment booked for september 6th, but at the same time i dont even want to use anymore creams or lotions or anything on my head anymore, if i had to estimate how much hair i have lost i would say its probably about 35-40% already in the past 2 months. I am falling into a deep depression and thats not me, i dont know how to cope with this, i had thick hair that i was so happy about and as a typical girl didnt know what to do with, now i have this ugly patchy hair that really makes me angry. I want to shave it off but im nervous and dont have any wigs or anything to cover it with, and i havent told many people about my alopecia yet so i dont know how anyone would adjust to having a bald Jenn walking around. Basically I just need to know how to cope? What are some suggestions? My boyfriend is doing is best at making me feel beautiful but my attitude around the house and my lack of wanting to do anything lately is bringing him down too and i can see that. I just dont know what to do. The more hair i see on my pillow, floor, drain, sink, brush, its getting to me. I constantly cry and no one understands, the response i get when i talk to people about it is " atleast its not cancer" or " atleast you're not dying" " its just hair, why are you so worried, its not that bad, it'll grow back"
i just wanna hit people in the face when they say that and say "it might not grow back and im going to have to live with this DISEASE for the rest of my life!!!!!" ugh im just in a crappy mood. Not the best introduction, my apologies, you can see my mood, and why i need the support from people that know what im going through. :(
Any suggestions would be very appreciated and helpful.

Views: 1184

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 11, 2011 at 1:18pm
Today's the day! Go celebrate/pacify with make-over, cool jewelry, lunch with a friend or funny relative!
Permalink Reply by Jenn on August 11, 2011 at 2:18pm
lol im having lunch by myself well with my animals i guess and watching the news. then going to work, not allowed to dress up or wear any head scarves or anything fun just my uniform. so tomorrows the day instead!
Permalink Reply by Dielle on August 13, 2011 at 1:53am
If you go to a therapist (psychologist) rather than a psychiatrist then they won't try to put you on drugs since they can't! Only psychiatrists can prescribe medication for depression.
Permalink Reply by AJ on August 11, 2011 at 9:47am
Hi Jenn. I can really relate too.
Mine started end of June. I cried heaps and felt knocked for six at first. I've stopped crying now, but I still often feel like I want to. I found other people's lack of empathy completely frustrating - they want to brush it off as not that big a deal (since you're not drying and not in pain - though the psycholigal impact is IMMENSE!) and they say 'oh well it'll grow back and probably won't all fall out'. How the hell do they know??? Sure, it might not all fall out. But it might get worse. And just dealing with that possibility in itself is a big deal.
I've stopped talking about it with people now and I think because of that they assume it's stopped falling out and I'm totally fine. To be honest, it's up and down - some days I barely think about it and can still do what I'd always normally do and laugh and seem happy. But there's always an underlying fear and something sort of holding me back - I don't really feel like myself, I feel I've lost some of the essence of myself that made me carefree and confident, and I'm scared about being hopeful about the future, as I worry about having to cope with the possibility of being bald one day.
But this site is truly a god send. As others said - just knowing you're not alone, and knowing you can vent and express yourself around people who will understand - and not try and stop you or brush off your comments as being annoying or negative and imply you've no right to feel down about it.
And also of course, being in an envirnment that's so so full of inspiring stories and comments and people reminding you that despite how hard it can be at times, it really is ok and you really can cope with it - and more than that - even if your hair all falls out, you are still beautiful and the world's still a great place!
For me, I'm trying to carry on as normal as much as possible. Which sounds really simple, but it's actually not always that easy, and it does make a big difference to how you feel. Staying active and getting out and seeing people is really important.
It's quite tricky for me as not long before I started losing hair, I'd made the decision to leave my job, move away from my city, where all my friends were, as I had been struggling to cope with a recent traumatic event and decided I needed to take control, go somewhere calm and quiet for a while and save some money and go travelling for a few months eventually - something I've wanted to do for a long time.
So I was already coming to terms with the massive adjustment of not having my normally busy city routine, surrounded by friends and a busy social life and hobbies - and my job that I loved and was a massive part of my identity... and to throw alopecia into the mix. Seemed a cruel twist of fate. But I'm reminding myself that the world doesn't work that way, and I still believe, if things do happen for a reason, then it's for a good reason, that will lead us somewhere happier and stronger in the long run. Keep hold of the optimism!
I'm very lucky my hair loss is at the back and I can hide it by my longer hair going over the bald bit. But it's still spreading every so slowly, and there's now only a few CMs of border hair, around the back hairline. If that all goes, hiding it won't be so easy. So I've been looking at websites that sell hair pieces and wigs, just to feel somewhat prepared if that happens.

I really like Loren Simon's method of punching a punch bag! I think I will look into that. Great exercise and great for venting!
Permalink Reply by Amy loves Lulu on August 12, 2011 at 12:30am
Hi there! I am so sorry your hair is falling out. it totally sucks. i was a little bit younger than you when i got my first bald spot. i FREaKeD out, of course. I've had AA for over 20 years. It behaved the same way all the time- falling out and growing back- always manageable. meaning, i could hide it no problem.

but my point is- i just recently shaved my head. i'm turning 40 this year- so, i guess i'm not as...freaked out about stuff as i was when i was 20. after i had my daughter, i lost most of my hair super fast. my doctor told me that pregnancy can exacerbate the AA- which it did. i started a blog to chronicle my experience- because suddenly my AA was behaving differently and i didn't know what to do. so, i DID totally freak out about it at the time- it started last summer. got worse. got getter. now it's gone

here's a link to myblogfor the rest of the story. oh, and i had a BIG party- a head shavin...
Permalink Reply by Jenn on August 12, 2011 at 12:45am
Thanks Amy, i read your blog and its so lovely the head shaving party is so awesome although i honestly dont think anyone i know would do that right now, not in my age range all my friends are too girly or too stuck up to want to do that for me. i and can honestly and whole heartidly can say that and know they would say that, they would rather give me money to go buy a wig, which ill take HAHA!

i need to get out of my rut i really do i just dont know how to. eventually ill find a way to cope and figure it all out. i just need to figure it out. thank you for your kind words and response back i look forward to hearing from you on here and chatting with you.
Permalink Reply by Amy loves Lulu on August 12, 2011 at 12:56am
i don't know what happened to the rest of my post- but what i meant to say is...i had a BIG head shaving party and invited all my friends to shave their head with me. in the end0 14 people shaved. and one of my best girlfriends shaved down to the skin. that party (and shaving my head) was the best thing i could have done.

xoxo, amy
Permalink Reply by Jenn on August 12, 2011 at 3:04pm
having that support is awesome i wish i could count on my friends to do that for me but i know they wouldnt. maybe if i was dying they would but even then i doubt they would. sounds awesome amy. :)
Permalink Reply by AJ on August 13, 2011 at 5:18am
love those party pics!
Permalink Reply by Dana on August 14, 2011 at 8:08pm
Hi Jenn I too am sorry this is happening to you. My hair started falling out in January it was agonizing watching slowly fall out day in day out and I too had lovely hair. I found this site and it helped me soooo much and I finally got my hair shaved and bought some scarves and hats more recently I bought a wig!! I struggle everyday with this condition but I will never let it take me down. Keep positive as best you can and stay connected to this site these people here really care and we are here for you! I'm still a newby too to this condition but with all this support it comforts me I hope it can do the same for you! Also the advice is great you can look anything up on here related to alopecia and find answers good luck hang in there girl hugs to you
Permalink Reply by Jenn on August 15, 2011 at 2:35pm
Hey Dana,
I am so thankful for finding this site, the people on here are amazing and helpful and the support is just what i wanted/needed. When you shaved your head how short did you go?
Permalink Reply by Dana on August 15, 2011 at 6:00pm
Well Jenn I had long layered hair down to the middle of my back when it first started falling out so after 2 months of ridiculous amounts of shedding and creative styling to cover bald spots I cut it to my shoulders then within 2 weeks due to continuous loss right below my ears and then I had wear scaves or hats to cover the bald spots by then they had started to merge into one big spot!!! At that point I knew it was over I had found this site and did some reading and decided I would take the plunge because I looked like a freak in my opinion with these little tuffs sticking out (my mad professor look) I felt it was over there was nothing really to save I hated to cover up at home around my son and husband and I felt like it made me look sick with these little tuffs mostly around my ears and in the back so I pulled the pin made plans with several people lost my courage numerous times took about 5 days to work up the courage in the end went to my hairdresser and shaved my head in five minutes it was over. Basically I wasn't jumping for joy but I was relieved it was over had a mini breakdown but these people picked me up and I dusted myself off and ordered more scarves went bought a cool short platinum wig (I get tons of compliments when I wear it out) and to be honest the anxiety of worrying about how much will fallout today how can I hide it blah blah blah is over. For me its better I can concentrate on other things now emotionally I feel better hope this helps stay strong sending you strength and courage girl!!!!

RSS

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

© 2024   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service