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Permalink Reply by Dinkey98 on July 26, 2015 at 8:26pm

I think a lot of people haven't heard about Alopecia.  So when they see a bald woman they immediately think she has cancer.  My 8 year old daughter has AA and is close to having full hair loss.  Today we were at the roller skating rink and saw a bald lady.  I was so excited to talk to her.  I went right up to her and asked about her baldness.  Turned out she was battling breast cancer, but she looked fabulous.  So yes, you could still look "healthy" and be fighting for your life.  This brief encounter was an awesome confidence boost for my daughter....no matter why this woman was bald.  I'm so glad I got up the courage to just ask her about it. 

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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on July 26, 2015 at 9:28pm

"yes, you could still look "healthy" and be fighting for your life"  Thanks for that reminder, Dinkey98.  I met a woman, bald , a few years ago and she look absolutely sparkling with life and indeed had cancer. I forget. I guess it's a learning experience for everyone!

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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on July 26, 2015 at 9:26pm

First of all, I think you look absolutely beautiful and I'm proud of you for going out bald.  I have had AU for 15 years but only recently moved to a very small town.  Your comment, "I'm afraid half the town's praying for me now." made me laugh. That's cute.   I now am starting to understand dynamics of small towns so yea, I can relate. :)  I knew, when we moved, I would likely be the only woman in town with AU and I'm pretty sure I'm right.  

I don't actually go bald in public anymore but wear scarves when it's hot or wigs when it's cooler. I switch my wigs so very very often (um, like 3x a day?) , I think it's pretty obvious to many people I don't have hair.  And the scarves, whether I lived in a big city or here in a small town, have also garnered stares and prayer offers.

So, I'm thinking the bald definitely attracts looks but so does , to a lesser degree, scarves and wig-switching.  

My thoughts are eventually a lot the regular people you encounter will understand you have alopecia and are healthy.    I have known some people who never had the guts to ask me what was going on but it was only after a few years of seeing me be healthy and vibrant they figured out I couldn't possibly be "sick".   

So, regular contacts and people you know - eventually will understand.  I doubt there's anything you can do about the strangers though.   Every time I go to a new place, a new town,  heck, a new grocery store, I find my scarves attract some sort of comment about chemotherapy.

I guess for the most part the upside is I've met some very nice people who have struggled with cancer.

It's irritating , in my mind, though, when strangers who don't know me, don't know my religious beliefs right away tell me they are praying for me.  I had this happen the other night at my son's soccer game. A woman I've never met or seen in my life , crossed the field, introduced herself and then immediately seemed intent on telling me she would pray for me! I found it really kind of offensive because she didn't even ask what was wrong with me or why I was wearing a scarf. And I was doing homework , completely absorbed in the task, and she interrupted me to tell me about her prayers.

So, yeah, I guess sometimes there will be irritating people - no matter what we do or say.

But definitely, you are so far along the road of self-acceptance, I wouldn't  start wearing a wig to be invisible. The wigs are not a perfect solution. 

I would keep exuding health and energy and life and smile and be yourself.  Sometimes, I will explain my story as others tell me their "story".   If the person is offensive or I'm grumpy, I may just smile and say, "no, thanks very much, it's not cancer, it's an autoimmune condition".  After all this time, I usually DO explain what is alopecia so I can educate people.

My personal irritation is when strangers say, "oh, so it's NOT CANCER, it's JUST hair loss. Oh, that's good".   they have no idea what other health issues I have (and I have some pretty painful ones) or personal life circumstances with which I struggle.     Drives me nuts.  but what can you do?  Just grin, I guess and walk away. 

???????  Sorry, I couldn't offer more sage advice. I understand the issue, though. 

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Permalink Reply by Rach1992 on August 22, 2015 at 9:27am

Girl, what's most important is your level of comfort. I frequently go out without anything on my head. You really get used to the stares and cancer comments in my opinion. My mindset has changed from loathesome annoyance to doing a public service. I never educate for long though. Its a waste of time. My explanation is "i have alopecia. My body decided to not grow hair anymore for now". Leave it at that and be on your merry way. If they ask more, remember they're being nosy at this point and it's beter if you just say "i better go do this...". I've never had someone randomly approach me about it but I live in Colorado right now and peole arent as outgoing as im Texas. It's only medical professionals and people at parties who ask. If i had a random person on the street ask id say... "no, i dont have cancer" and thats it.
Also I just moved from Texas, I know the talkativeness of everyone. I love talking to strangers but that's such a personal question that anyone knows that's impolite to ask, their curiosity is just burning and they don't care about social cues at that point. Put them back in the place of manners. I know texas is about manners, too. What if you did have cancer... would you really want to have ghat conversation with some random person?

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Permalink Reply by kitkat on April 12, 2016 at 2:49pm

I lost my hair when I was 8 and never had my diagnosis until I was 21. As a kid I never wore a wig cause a hat and people always stop to ask me if I was ok and if I had cancer. Like "I'm 9 and you can clearly see I'm healthy and have way more energy than you. I'm not on chemo, my hair is just gone. Bye". I know it seemed rude of me when I was younger and thankfully I was never picked on except one time. Other than that people just stop asking once I stare them down. Eventually as a teenager I just let them assume whatever. Now as an adult I wear wigs everyday so no one notices.

Funny thing was my mom had cancer a few years ago and wouldn't step outside the door when she lost her hair and i keep reminding her that "what do you think I went through as an child till now?," then she steps out but with a beanie on her head. It was funnier when she could pull off the bald look due to her flat head when I just look like an alien. haha

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Permalink Reply by molly on April 12, 2016 at 9:49pm

My mom is going thru the same now. I feel like it's been good for both of us that I've already gone thru the hair loss portion. I got to shave off the last of her hair and it was quite liberating I think. Not as hard for her as it may have been if she hadn't seen me go thru it.

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