I'm not saying my hairpiece (with a silicone base) is not beautiful.

I would not want to defame the people who sell hairpieces with a silicone base or those who think they work well.  That is not why I’m posting this here today.

Speaking strictly for myself, the assumption that I’m compromised and therefore need to spend over five thousand dollars on a prosthesis (not covered by insurance) was all self-deception and rationalization.  

Self-sabotage can be very sneaky.    I hope no one else here misjudges what they can really afford. 

In my case, I’m more contented wearing my cloth head covers than I am wearing a hair prosthesis.   

On one side of things, I was thankful to have my prosthesis when it was time for my ski pass and drivers license.    A video I took a couple of years ago shows that this prosthesis looks good.  I’ve gotten compliments on it.

I still think it was a bad decision for me.   I think spending more than five-thousand dollars out of pocket would be fine for people who can afford this and who are bringing in a healthy income.

I had the money for it but no income!  I did not foresee the fact that I would not be bringing money in for quite some time.   I did not see my hair purchase as a form of self-abuse and part of a path I was taking that would run me into the ground.

I had other health problems that are more important that should have been treated first. 

I had other life issues that should have been dealt with first. 

As is always the case with a silicone-based hairpiece, I never got to try it on until UPS sent it to my house.   It had to be made for me before I could try it on.  Sadly, I found out that it is only appropriate with formal clothes. 

I found out that if I used it with my usual tea shirts and turtlenecks that it made me look ridiculous.   

If I wear it without formal attire, it brings out the negative things in my appearance and makes me look old. 

I also can’t scratch an itch through it without running off the bathroom or some other private place where I have to take it off and put it back on again, which is a complicated process and goes against the way I live my life.

When I go out to be with people, it has a tight feeling and although it’s not really uncomfortable, I can’t ever forget that I’m wearing it.   I always use a headband with it to get it behind my ears and to keep it from getting in my face and driving me insane.  This gives me an extravagant look that I do not want or need when I’m enjoying a regular old day.  

I feel like a little kid who got a toy and who then doesn’t want it anymore.  It sits in the corner for months on end before I finally decide to wear it. 

Most times if I’m going out to socialize it’s with someone rushing me out the door at the last minute.  

It takes me about two minutes to get cleaned up. It takes me about thirty seconds to put make up on. 

With my other head covers and hairpieces, it takes me fifteen seconds to slap them on.  With my silicone hairpiece, I can’t just slap it on like I can with my old hairpieces.   You have to put water on your head, turn your head and  the hairpiece upside down and get it positioned perfectly.  This can take several tries and also does not show any respect for people who are driving me out to a place and who are in a hurry. 

It also represents the complete and utter loss of hope that my own hair might grow back like it has sometimes in years past, even though I was told that it never would.

This ruins my motivation to nurture myself and protect my own health. 

Speaking only for myself, it’s part of the junk I accumulated with my obsessive shopping habit, which I immediately quit when I recognized it as a serious addictive habit. 

I do not want to invalidate people who can afford an expensive hairpiece and like them.    I really hope no one else here falls into this category.