Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Vicktoria (Katya's mom) on January 29, 2009 at 4:42pm

Hi Rachel,

My daughter is almost 13 and has had AU for about 2 years. We got her 2 really great wigs that she tapes. They are human hair and were custom fitted. Most times people don't know its a wig until she tells them. That eliminates her bareing her soul to inquiring strangers. On the other hand, all her friends know. At sleepovers, and there are many at 12 yo, she just sleeps in her wig. She puts it in 2 pony tails and that is that. Since her friends already know it's a wig, if she wakes up with oddly messy hair, they know why. She never wants to go without the wig, it's uncomfortable for her.

Also, she performs in musicals and we've had many issues trying to do the hairstyles required. However, telling people she wears a wig really helps. All her performing arts friends pitch in to help. The performance she is in now has 2 hairstyles and she has to wear a wig over her wig. It's to hard to take one off and put the other one on. It's kind of funny. 2 wigs at one time.

Anyway, I guess the point is even if you don't want to go bald, just tell your friends. Get a comfortable nice wig and sleep in it when needed. Don't miss out on life. Look on the bright side. You can easily have whatever hair you want!! A while ago, our wig person put extensions into my daughter's wig because she wanted to go longer. When she gets tired of them, we'll have her take them out and we can save them for the future. Unlike most people, her extension don't grow out, require no maitenance and she can't feel them at all (no itching).

There are many wigs you can get that are not shiny and have a natural hairline. Also, remember if you are open and not embarrassed, most people just don't care. It's only if you act unfortable that people will react.

Good Luck.
Vicktoria

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Permalink Reply by Johanna on January 29, 2009 at 5:27pm

Hi Rachel!

While I were wearing my wig I didn’t show anyone “the real me”. Not even my family. But then I started to leave the wig in my room during dinner, showing mum and dad my bald spots. I wasn’t comfortable in front of friends, so I started to take my wig off at friends’ houses while I was in the bathroom. Looking myself in my friends’ bathroom mirrors without wig helped me to later on be able to take the piece off in front of them. This I also did in the bathrooms in school. (Though I never took the wig off in school it made me more comfortable being out in public with it). And I put crazy hairpins in it or wore big jewellry so that people wouldn't look at the hair, but more the glitter flower hairpin or the special necklace.

I also recognised the people you write about, those who just shout out the big wig-question. at first I denied and then almost started cry when the question was asked. But in the end I faked self-confidence and showed that it was nothing I wanted to talk about and put up the "I can't care less"-mask. Proably not the best way but that's what I did.

I hope you'll feel better soon and will be able to attend the sleepover parties soon!

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Permalink Reply by Lori Black on January 29, 2009 at 9:51pm

I too hate the "stares" and the eyes that never look into yours, you know? I have been AA since I was 12 and AU since my son was born 9 yrs ago. I try real hard to ingnore the rudeness of the stares and think about all those folks with some other kind of physical "difference" everyone looks different from one another so why do we feel so conspicuous? Always feel like fish outa water, so to speak. Just be you and take the "accepting yourself" thing one day at a time, that's all we have anyways. I too am not comfortable in front of others without my "hair" it's ok, you know? You have cute hair and a very handsome boy, I have 3 myself so I am a little partial I think. Blessings to you!! Lori

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Permalink Reply by meg on January 31, 2009 at 8:59am

Rachel,

Start by not wearing anything to cover your baldness in you house. I started 9 years ago because my home and yard etc is my safety zone. I created a parameter where people had to face me on my terms and not as society expected me to look by wearing a wig. My children at the time that I started not wearing anything on my head where in middle school and I asked them what they wanted me to do when their friends came over. I have 2 sons and they said whatever makes you feel comfortable mom... so I would greet their friends without hair and after visiting, and practically living at our house, when I did wear my wig, they would comment on the fact that I looked better as myself (meaning no wig) and was younger! Great to hear since my husband and I were older parents to begin with.

Hopes this helps... I am in my mid fifties now and I am experience extensive hair loss.

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Permalink Reply by jake on February 1, 2009 at 4:08am

HI im new on here but have gone years with my head looking like a globe. I actually signed up today because while I was in home depot today a guy came up to me and called me brother and when I asked what he was talking about he took off his hat real shy like and showed me a couple of spots he had. For the last 3 years I have fully exposed my head. I keep my hair short but not shaved and would say about 40 percent of my head is oblong bald patches. It is more common for someone to come up and be generally interested then for them to think im some sort of freak ( but that happens sometimes too.) Anyways the guy I met shook my hand and told me that I made him feel better because I dont hide it. honestly my life has been 100 times better since i completely stopped hiding it because now I never have to worry about people finding out after they have already formed an opinion about me. I know Im a guy and its different but if yo are married and have a family then what else really matters in the whole world. go short like natalie portman in v for vendetta and even with spots you can still be sexy. youll be surprised how many people are accepting of it and how many people will even look up to you for it. Everybody on the planet is insecure about something, show them your strong about something they cant even understand and they will envy you.

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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on February 1, 2009 at 9:57am

All I can do is smile after reading your reply, Jake! Now I've got to go rent V For Vendetta! :)

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Permalink Reply by tat on February 1, 2009 at 2:25pm

i heard when you wear wigs with bangs you can barely tell...
but i have no idea, i've never worn a wig. yet.
don't let lame/judgemental people get you down! <3

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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on February 1, 2009 at 2:30pm

I've heard that same thing too! Now all I have to do is find one that I like. I've never looked good with bangs!

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Permalink Reply by donna on February 1, 2009 at 5:47pm

i never thought i would feel like somone knows what im living life like

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Permalink Reply by Bev Wood on February 2, 2009 at 7:23am

Hi Rachel, I know what you mean - I dread that first meet anywhere, i'm usually okish after the first few times, and if anyone comments about my hair, which happens alot, it's usually you've changed your colour or it's so shiny. I've got into conversations about where I have it done and so I usually come clean straight away and say a bit nonchanlently it's a wig. and add a thanks after the complement. I get a bit unconfortable when people's gaze keeps going to the wig line and of course I freak out inside if it's windy, my kids are worse in some ways because they will tell me it looks funny and they get a bit embarressed.

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Permalink Reply by Discovering Aphrodite on February 3, 2009 at 11:45pm

Hi Rachel-
Your note speaks so deeply to me! I could have written the exact same note with all the same experiences and feelings.
I have anxiety because I'm trying out a totally different look tomorrow at work.. new dark dark wig... I was tired of my more realistic bob. In any case I know the dread and anxiety you speak of. Isn't it crzy that we feel fine on the inside. The psychological damage is only done by others reactions and how we cope with it. Unfortunately our head is exposed in this world and women talk about hair whether it's coming out of our scalp or not. Hang in there woman. What advice do you have for me when my self-esteem is shot?? Thanks for sharing. DA

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Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on February 4, 2009 at 7:50am

Hi DA~

This is going to sounds SO superficial/girlie..... but I give myself a lil' photo-shoot! I wait until my hubby is gone, and my son is bed, then I use the Photo booth program on my Mac! I usually do this when I get a brand new wig so I feel more confident in it. Then I edit the heck out of them... and yeah. Nothing boosts my self esteem like some good photos! How lame is that?!

Rachel

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