Dating and Alopecia

I am a new member to this site. I am a 45 year old single (never married) woman and have had Alopecia Totalis for the past 15 years. I have tried everything re: dating and it has chipped away at my self-esteem so much. I have told some guys about my problem after they get to know me and have dated for a couple months, and I have told guys on the second date when there seems to be mutual chemistry and compatiblity. Neither have panned out well for me. I have take long hiatus' (years) from dating to avoid the discomfort and potential rejection. I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life and I have so much to offer someone. The prompting for this post is due to a man I started dating who recently rejected me for what I assume was my telling him about my hair condition. He simply disappeared a couple days after I told him. I go from feeling incredibly hurt, to feeling he doesnt deserve me and how much character can he have in the first place, to feeling very angry. I am of the belief at this point that no matter how much confidence one has about being a hairless female does not erase the superficiality of guys out there.

Just thought I would get this topic going again on this forum.

Lesli

Views: 2112

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hope on February 10, 2013 at 10:36pm

I have never had long hair, and now I barely have any hair. Before I had alopecia guys would always say to me "let your hair grow" relationships never lasted long, and now I echo the sentiments that I may be alone forever due to the hair loss. But lets try to keep positive, we all know of successful relationships in the alopecia community, so why not us. Lets think of the laws of attraction, if we keep saying we will be single forever, if that is the message we send out to the universe, then that will be our reality.

Permalink Reply by Diane on February 11, 2013 at 8:49pm

true-and also, beware those who are too intense too fast-alopecia or not

Permalink Reply by wombat123 on September 10, 2013 at 12:55am

I think it would help it some women chose to be bald and had men interested in them. Then women who are bald whether by their choice or not, would most likely do better.

Permalink Reply by Diane on February 20, 2013 at 12:26am

Getting more used to rejection.

Permalink Reply by wombat123 on September 10, 2013 at 12:53am

Actually would like to go out with a woman who is bald (preferably) by choice.

Permalink Reply by wombat123 on September 10, 2013 at 5:10pm

Ideally I would like a woman with whom I was going out to be completely and permanently bald (preferably by choice). Was wondering if any women are here are bald by choice and do not have alopecia.

Permalink Reply by Diane on September 11, 2013 at 4:19pm

I'm guessing probably not since it's a support group for alopecia.

Permalink Reply by Curly on May 3, 2014 at 2:51pm

Hmmmmm! A year and a half has gone by since the last comment?

  Leslie, have you found your lover yet?  The guy who likes you for being you?  Never give up.  He may just be around the corner.  Kiss you.... Curly

 

Permalink Reply by SweetlyFree on September 10, 2014 at 11:01pm

Hello Lesli, I'm a new member to this site also. I am 60 years old recently separated after 34 years of marriage and four beautiful adult children and eight grandchildren. I don't even know what it feels like to hear a man tell me that I'm attractive. Especially that of my estranged husband. I finally figured it out. I have had Alopecia Universalis since 1983. It grew back fully after seven years. Suddenly I experienced another horrific episode in 1990. I am still an Alopecian today. Nevertheless, the neglect and withholding any expression of support, affection or just to hear the words, "You are beautiful!" became too painful. I had finally came to admit that I deserve to be happy and to feel good about myself, hair or no hair. I never imagined that this would have happened and 34 years of marriage.  I truly afraid to date. I feel ridiculously shy. I overstand your pain Lesli. One day, I too will enter the world of dating.

You and I deserve that special someone. I wish you the best. Lets keep in touch.  We can encourage each other through this.  

Permalink Reply by Kitty on March 13, 2016 at 10:32am
He's a jerk, sorry for saying it like this. Unfortunately, the society in which we live sees everything through the eyes and what they think is beauty. I hate it. I have been struggling with this illness foe 20 years. I wonder sometimes, is there people that will look further than your hair, like your internal beauty? Let's admit it, there are many shallow people in this world but I'm sure there are also the other type, the ones that look with the soul. Sending you my good vibes. Love
Permalink Reply by Matt1 on July 18, 2016 at 12:14am
Wow it makes me sad to hear how you all are feeling and how people are so mean and non understanding, I'm 34 and it's been 4 years since the hair on my beard started to go, now I have patches on my head and eyebrows I feel like I will never be happy with myself again, my gf of a year couldn't handle it so she's gone but honestly I wouldn't ever want to be with someone who is that superficial anyways so in a way it's good to have alopecia because it allowed you to see someone for who they really are right away. Honestly I think dating within alopecia people is where we find me the most genuine and honest people. I hope I can find a beautiful women that has alopecia.
Permalink Reply by Mi on August 7, 2017 at 12:03am
I agree with you. It's the same with me. I've been single for a long time, I do not want to be alone, this portrays the society that wants only external image and beauty, it seems that it does not matter the interior of a person

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