Alopecia World
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Dating problems, rejection insecurity, where I go again!
Hello, everyone, my name is Jorge am currently 31 years old Portuguese guy living in Melbourne Australia.
I have alopecia universalis since I can remember, the patches started when I was 8 years old and involved to AU when I was about 15 I guess. I don't remember myself with hair, to be honest. Its 3 am here in Melbourne 3 degrees Celsius outside and it's the first time in posting something here besides some photos a long time ago.
I would like to say that I never felt excluded and I always had an amazing group of friends that never let me down. Saying things like "you are one of a kind", "you look great its or trademark image", "you should be more confident with a woman they like you". You know the kind of things your true friends say but deep inside me, I know they were just being amazing and trying to give me some self-esteem boost. And I do thank them for that!
I always was a funny guy the one with confidence and the guy that makes everyone else laugh all the time. Now that I think about it, at the start it was the way that I found to break the ice and interact with everyone and make them laugh instead of focusing on my alopecia, they were too entertained to thing about hair!!!.
I though I was confident enough to don't care about AU, I even helped some people with AU giving them kind of motivational speech, cause at the time I was being successful in my professional life and imagine in my love life too! Can you imagine I had the most beautiful and hot girlfriend for 5 years, and she approached me (i never approach a girl first, to scare of rejection) crazy I know!! A beautiful girl how the hell that happened!
So basically all fall apart after she broke up with me 5 years later. And all of the daemons of AU come back to me, all the insecurity, fear and sadness, anger, asking why me... crying alone. Yeah, men do cry sometimes!
Basically, I was depressed 1 year at home, without even realizing that I was in some kind of depression! Me the one who makes everyone laugh, the guy that help the others all the time and the guy that says the life is a wonderful present! It couldn't be possible I should be the last person in the world to be depressed.
Anyway and don't want to write my memories yet so I'm gonna resume.
I know I had to change my life so I left country, family and my friends and came to Australia to start a new life.
And here Alopecia strikes again, and here it hurts the most, being rejected from the woman. I feel that here more than ever. When I go to one bar or a club and I'm dancing I just see how fast I'm rejected, I have the impression they look at me like an alien sometimes. Sorry to be so raw with the words.
Maybe I need to work on my self-esteem again, but for me having a girl was my way to say "In your face Alopecia". It's stupid but makes me feel good, makes me feel desired and accepted, normal in some away, starting with alopecia with 8 years is too much of a burden sometimes.
Sorry for the long and nonsense post maybe. It was a good opportunity to train my English anyway, my writing skills are not good yet. I'm much better in Portuguese!
I would like to know how you deal with this dating thing? Any suggestion?!! how do you approach opposite sex?
ps: The thing that upsets me more is not having eyebrows
pps: Thank yours for your time I felt better after throwing some words here.
Sincerely,
Jorge
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Permalink Reply by Passion4Wigs on
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You look very handsome.
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Permalink Reply by Photolic on
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Thank you for the compliment, I just need time to say that to myself. kisses!
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i remember i had the same situation. met an ukrainian girl through this dating service https://mymagicbrides.com/blog/women-seeking-men/ but though she said she loved me, it ended up very bad. when the first bald spots had started appearing she changed her opinion as to me. then she decided to break up with me. the end of story :| so you're not alone who suffers from such a trouble. now it's a problem for me to find another one
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Hey mate. Let me tell you something... It is has been a while since I write this post.And I will make an update.
I would like to give you some positive vibes. True it's not easy to deal with alopecia regarding relationships. But after sharing my disappointment here I start swimming and taking care of myself, focus on my studies, job and hobbies like photography. And what happened its I have met along the way and got involved with 3 amazing girls (almost unbelievable!)... All different backgrounds and nationalities, a Chilean, Japanese and Irish girl. So self-motivation and taking care of yourself make the world look at you because you actually dont care at that point what others may think about your looks.
So finally I would like to thank all of the kind people who help me with their encouraging words here. This community is amazing and sharing is actually caring. By the way, photography is part of my life and it's my best therapy I use Instagram my account name its @Photolic say hi and give a look!
If any of you here want to talk personally and share something about alopecia I will gladly meet you in Melbourne, Australia.
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Ehhm
First of all, If get all the shit together, you'll realize that Alopecia has nothing to do with your troubles. All of them in your skull, not outside. You're a smart guy, judging by your skills in writing in a foreign language. And all the inner problems, you know, are from overdoing things not worth overthinking.
Second, regarding this comment. Mymagicbrides is the best resource on the internet for finding a lifelong spouse. I found mine beloved one there. And the comment is an epitome of self-sabotaging thoughts (Wa-lah!!).
Regarding the bits of advice here there are how to attract women. A mixture of useful tools and motivation.Keep it up!
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Permalink Reply by Steve_C86 on
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Hey Jorge,
My name is Steven, and I when reading your post I feel like I was reading my own story.
Im 31 years old and I am struggling with Alopecia since last October. Since then, my hair started falling out in patches, which was barely noticeable at first, but progressed to large patches and then started attacking the eyebrows, not before crushing my self esteem, confidence and overall self image.
I used to be a happy, funny, confident guy, but have since lost a lot of that due to the devastating effects that this thing can have on self esteem. This year was a particularly tough year for me because my twin brother got married right at the point where I lost most of my eyebrows and my hair was dramatically thining. I penciled them in and covered the bald spots the best I could, but I still looked ridiculous in pictures. The family picture will be on display at my parent's house from now on and I have to live with that.
To make matters worse, trying to date has been tough. I am the only single one out of all of my friends, so that doesn't help. I tried to date over the summer which resulted in 7 dates that went horribly, including one that responded to my follow up text with a lovely "yeah, no thanks". I could tell they were looking at my spots and thinking that I was sick.
A few months ago, i shaved it, which was going to happen anyway because I don't have much left on my head but a few hairs. I share the feelings you have of feeling like people are always staring and struggle to even consider that a girl would want to date me, let alone be close to me.
You are not alone Jorge. Let's face it, this can downright suck sometimes. One thing I have taken away lately is that its mostly me that is assuming that people look at me weird, because I know what I used to look like and I feel like I look awkward. Most people that I ask just think that I am bald and don't realize that I am missing eyebrows until I bring it up.
You are not alone in this my man. Reach out to me anytime. This thing can be a pain, but we can't let it ruin our lives.
Im here for you.
Your bald brother,
~Steve
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Hey Steve,
First of all sorry my super late reply, I hope you are ok!
Let me tell you something I understand 100% what you describe, we all do don't we? We have the same fears, thoughts about the same things, same insecurities what some point of our lives. Trust me to try to focus on yourself and someone will notice you for what you are and not because of your lack of hair. Easier to say know that I'm in a comfortable situation. Its a fact that people mostly girls will notice the Alopecia, looks are the first impression after all, but you know what? Being confident with alopecia is dam sexy for them as well, all women want a man with self-esteem if you are able to pull that out even with alopecia even better!
I used to say to myself well if she doesn't like, she's the one whos going to lose cause I'm a nice guy! And just move on with your life.
Waiting to hear great news from you! If you need to chat feel free to message me.
All the best, Jorge
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Permalink Reply by RossG on
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Jorge,
Thanks for a great post!
But, listen man, first of all there are definitely going to be women who are physically attracted to you. Maybe not 90-100%, but it would be unreasonable to expect that. Those numbers are reserved for Cristiano Ronaldo! From what little I know, men are lucky in that different women find random different things attractive. They may like your lips, arms, shape of your head, etc. And some could care less how you look at all. Still, the reality is that it will only be natural for many women to be attracted to men with hair and eyebrows, simply because that is what they are used to. But let your self-value be determined by the good and love you bring to the world, not by whether you are attractive to every woman out there. I think the key for you is to be patient and let women get to know you, so they can see you are strong and confident, and then you will be irresistible! Don't lose your swagger and definitlely don't be discouraged by any real or perceived haters at a nightclub, where shallowness is at its peak. You came across as cool to me, and all I read was one post of yours! Just give it time for women to get to know you and you will be fine.
Ross
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Thank for the wise and wonderful words @RossG, I couldn't agree more with you! Talking about Cristiano Ronaldo! I'm Portuguese as well sooooooooo you never know ahahaha!
By the time I'm writing this reply, I'm a happy guy who is dating for more than 5 months a wonderful and comprehensive woman, who reminds me all the time the a nice a person I'm, and she never asked me about alopecia, is not even a thing for, actually she loves the fact I don't have any hair. (and she is not the first to think that!!). I hope everything works this time, and even if it doesn't, the lesson is, we need to take care of yourselves and accept how we look like, and not to make a big deal about that, that's much more than looks in all of us.
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Hi Jorge i saw your photo you are a nice boy so not afraid ...to me personally helped a lot use eyebrown... i did not made tatoo cause i was afraid if i did not like then my face distruied so i use fake eyebrown, i put them every week and very happy whit them, i can swimming and all...i think the only difference whit other people for a man whit au are eyebrown and eyelashes so if we can resolved these we resolved almost all image problems ...then of course also whit them we can not be like Ronaldo we'll be normal people ...
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Hi Nicolas,
I don't feel comfortable yet to use anything, I'm waiting for new treatments to come, rather than tattoos or fake eyebrows, nothing against but I just don't feel good. On top of that, I do swim and surf a lot when I have time and I'm always afraid that's too much stress for fake eyebrows to handle.
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