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Does anyone else have boundary issues with their wigs?
I'm new to this so I'm just gonna launch in. I feel like I have really bad boundary issues with my wigs. I wear long deep brown wigs, because that was the style I had before I started balding and I don't want anyone to know it's a wig. I spend about an hour in the morning styling my wig and getting my makeup set up so that it all looks natural and not wiggy. I curl the wig at the bottom and tease it out at the top for more volume and so that the wig hair doesn't fly all over the place. I'm terrified of someone finding out that I wear a wig. I hate going out on walks because the wind messes with the wig and ruins the style, and I hate giving hugs anymore because I don't like people touching it. I'm terrified that one day someone will pull it back and rip it off. I hate carrying my kids because I don't like their hands in my wig, and, while I let him do it, I dislike when my husband runs his hands through the wig to kiss me. Is there any way to get around this feeling that your wig is about to fall off all the time?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by hagster on
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Bluntly: go talk to a therapist. Your wig and your anxiety about it is controling your life, and thats not a healthy way to live. You've first got to come to terms with your hair loss and then work on your other problems.
You are not alone as many here have similar problems.
If your wig is securely attached, it should not easily come off - like with a simple hug.
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Permalink Reply by Yoly on
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Thank you so much, Susan!!!!!!! Your story was uplifting and gave me hope. I was diagnosed with Lichen Planopillaris a little over a year and I've done nothing but think about my progressive hair loss every single day since my diagnosis. I am still able to get away without wearing a wig, but I think I might need a topper sooner rather than later. I've lost about 1/2 the density, but thankfully I started with a lot of hair (at least that's what the doctors tell me). My hair is very curly, so it looks a lot fuller than it is. There are not a lot of curly hair wigs and/or toppers out there, which will make it harder when the time comes. I need to make my way to a wig store, so I can have something handy when the time comes, but the thought terrifies me. My bangs and sides have thinned out drastically. Do you have any suggestions (clip-in bangs and toppers)? Once again, thank you for sharing your story. I have been living a very sad life since my diagnosis and I need to be strong for my kids (7 & 9). I can't allow this horrible condition take over my life. I need my life and happiness back. xoxoxo BTW, you are gorgeous!!!! Where do you shop for your wigs?
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Permalink Reply by kiriaki on
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Well, i'm 30 years old and i wear wigs for 19 years. i'm using glue for my lace wig for the last month... Oh my God!!!!! it want come off even if you pull it! once a week i take it of have a bath and glue it back on. i'm telling you! it saved my life! i live in Greece and i bought it from USA....i think. if you want i can send you a link.
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I hear you! Tape and glue has helped me in this regard. Even with clips, I had hair-shift, which was more traumatic than it should have been.
How long have you been wearing hair? It took a while for me to come to terms with it, and a little neighbor girl said one day "Sometimes your hair is longer?" To which I smiled and said, "Gosh, I'm so busy I'm just lucky to get to comb it most days! Maybe it had a rat in in that day..."
I think that part of this obsessing, at least for me, comes partly from the fact that the years before wearing hair involved SO much time camouflaging what felt like a "problem" that now wearing hair doesn't feel like as much of a "solution" as we think it should?
If there's a therapist that can help with this, I'm right in line behind you. :-)
Shaving off what was left of my hair felt like a "Samson" moment, but in reality, I was tossing the old, ineffective Samson and putting on some Super-Turbo-Awesome-Samson. Everyone feels better with good hair!
I'm 3 years into the hair wardrobe life, and finding hair that fits like a glove and is super-secure has helped immensely. I'm still anxious during intimate moments (dating, not married), but have on my wish-list for a man someone who is 100% accepting and supportive of me wanting to look and feel my best, whether that entails a push-up bra, a pair of sweats, makeup or no makeup, not wearing or wearing hair.
By the amount of time you're spending on it each day, does that mean you're wrestling with human hair? If so, would you feel more comfortable with a synth that held its style that you could put on each day? I got over a LOT of hangups in a hurry once I could slap on ready-to-go awesome hair in 15 minutes and get out the door, and at the time wondered why I'd spent so much time teasing, combing, Kabooki-ing, and such before I made the leap.
We all probably spent a lot of time on "fixes" before we start wearing hair, so it's only natural that we'd need some way to replace that amount of brain space/anxiety we formerly used but no longer need?
Some of what makes it difficult might be that you don't always have immediate family or friends who can empathize? My mom wears hair on special occasions, so she doesn't quite 100% get the essential nature of getting the "right" hair and getting it to work. Even my bestie seems to think wearing hair is more of a "fun" thing than a "I am bald and unable to leave the house without this semi-expensive bit of wardrobe," so there's a loneliness factor involved, too, and without forums like these, we'd all be suffering in silence.
Oddly enough, I'm OK with my body - could walk around the house in my birthday suit without shame, but without hair, THEN I am naked (see, sounding more and more like I'm lined up to see a therapist - ha!). But I also came to my own terms with it - if a mane of hair is what I need to feel good, then I will do what I need to in order to have that mane. It doesn't make me any more or any less, but it makes me feel better, and has yet to infringe upon anyone else's well-being, so hair it is, and that's just how it is.
Don't know if that was any help, but I do think it helps to know we're not alone in our quest to feel OK about our hair solutions.
If a certain cut of jeans made you look and feel better, there certainly wouldn't be any embarrassment about buying only those jeans, would there? So why any embarrassment/shame about getting the hair that makes you look like you want to look?
Tape it down tight and get on with the hugging! Sending you some virtual hugs right now to make up for all those you're missing.
Loved Susan's reply - thank you, Susan, and sorry you had to go through a cinched head to come to your moment of peace, but so glad you've arrived at a happy place. There's a happy place for all of us, I'm sure of it. Life does seem to like to hand us some pain in order to get to that peace...
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Permalink Reply by TMB on
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Hi Jacquelyn...everyones feed back on your concerns are excellent. I want to add that there is a woman on Alopecia World who I just communicated with who mentioned that she has her hair piece bonded to her head which allows her to exercise, shower and swim with the piece. I founs this to be a very unique way to secure a hair piece. She goes to a salon every two weeks where they remove the hair piece, wash her bio hair, style her hairpiece and then bond it back on her heas for another two weeks. Perhaps this is an option for you to make things feel better for you!
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Jacquelyn...here is the reply with info I received from Curlyk about the hair piece bonding
Thank you. I must say I have more compliments on this hair than I ever did on my real hair when it was full! I go to Custom Hair Tampa Bay. There is a salon in Tampa and one in Brandon. I go to the one in Brandon. Sandy is very helpful on the front end and Megan is the best at glueing the hairpiece to your scalp.
It is not cheap to have this done but for me it is worth every penny. My piece cost me $1600 and it lasted me a year. I go see Megan every five weeks and she takes the hairpiece off, cleans it, cleans my scalp, cuts or colors my real hair if needed and bonds the piece back to my scalp. It fits well with my busy lifestyle as I don't have to take it off and put it on every day. I shower and swim in it. I've never had a problem with it lifting or coming off. It's very secure. Hope this info helps!
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