Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Georgia Gardner on January 23, 2011 at 10:25pm

It's not quite the same, but when I got a part time job at a bakery, I couldn't wear my wig. It was too hot near the ovens and I'm not very good at putting my hair up yet. I wasn't comfortable showing my scalp, so a wore a headscarf. It was really comfortable and even in the public setting I felt okay about wearing it. Maybe that could work for you?? there are some really pretty ones out there too.. :)

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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on January 24, 2011 at 5:20pm

I wear a bonded on system 24/7 to work in, sleep in, exercise, everything! You get used to it, it's not so bad.

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Permalink Reply by Deirdre on January 26, 2011 at 8:32pm

what is that? Like hair club or something?

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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on January 24, 2011 at 10:12pm

Wearing the wig full time - I have done it while working and commuting 12 - 15 hour days. And I wear wigs full time now while working part time but volunteering and raising my kids. If my scalp became particularly painful, I'd go to a private washroom, take wig off and apply a cold washcloth. These days wearing a wig still bothers me (which is why I often wear scarves). But I now have really painful arthritis in my feet and hips requiring extensive surgery plus facial neuralgia - so the pain I suffer on my scalp - it's just one of life's issues.

I just read your profile and sounds like you have similar ailments. So, I think you know what I mean. Try to find a pretty wig - wear it as best you can. I didn't think I could do it, but, wearing scarves is a delightful change from a wig if you find the wig cap unbearable.

I like my wigs because I feel like "me" in them but wearing beautiful scarves is very comfortable in the summer, btw. Good luck with your solutions!

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Permalink Reply by Amy on January 24, 2011 at 11:12pm

I'm a teacher and wear my wig all day. Some days it gets hot and itchy, but I don't have a very good quality wig. I'm looking into getting a vacuum wig, so I hope once I have one my days at work will be a bit more comfortable.

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 25, 2011 at 11:57am

Thanks ladies. This means so much to me. Let me try to paint a picture for you. I have hair...really, really bad hair. If you never knew me before you would just think I am someone with bad hair today. If you saw me a couple of months ago you would say "whoa, what happened here." My hair is changing with each shampoo. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis/ankylosing spondylitis, and thyroid disease 20 years ago. Since then, I always had a normal head of hair according to appearances. But what wasn't normal is that it always fell out. I can remember all through the years wherever I was going into the bathroom repeatedly in a sweat pulling handfuls of hair off my long hair at the ends. After taking Humira this summer, I think it really did a number on my immune system and caused the hairloss to go crazy. Because always before I could change my thyroid meds and the hairloss would improve somewhat. I know..crazy. But this time it has gotten so bad I cut 6 inches off my long hair...didn't help...So I got the wig. My family keep insisting because I always maintained a normal head of hair despite the loss (not a normal mentality about it though), that this time it will get better too and that I don't need a wig. So it's messing with my mind. I don't have hair that I can get up and wash and style. I have hair that brings me nothing but misery. It is hanging on me when I wake up, I keep it in a low bun all day, then when I take it down at night, it's all over me again. When I wash it, it is a nightmare. I get so sick over it. I want this to change. I want to find peace, stability. I want to be productive and spontaneous again. But the more I try to accept the wig thing and move on the more my family seems to fight it. I wore the wig and went to an event the other day and I truly believe my husband was embarrassed. You used to call me his trophy wife and now I feel like he's ashamed of me. I am a strong, strong person. I give everything a 100%. But this is something I can't seem to get the hang of. I do have the awful scalp pain and when I wear the wig it's like I can't think about anything else. Maybe that is what they are trying to protect me from..IDK..But with my pain, not being able to turn my neck, barely can bend, when I am on my feet for a short time, can barely walk, then the itching of psoriasis, the anxiety of the hairloss, the wig...DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING HERE? BUT...I worked hard to get my teaching degree and if I don't go back in August I lose my job. I am mentally trying everything I know to find a way to get to go back because it is effecting us in every way-financially, emotionally, etc. I was born to help people and staying in this house is just not working for me. I know I have a lot to overcome but you guys really, really help me. Thanks to each of you for replying and sharing your situations with me. I wish you were all near me and we could have a girl pow-wow...I know not a single person with this personally that I can share with. Hugs to you all.

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Permalink Reply by Chefpam on January 25, 2011 at 3:04pm

Thanks Stacy. Let me explain the trophy wife thing-I have NEVER had much self confidence. In high school I really had issues. Then my first husband left me for another woman after 8 years of marriage and that didn't help either. When I met my current husband for the FIRST time in my life I felt good about the way I looked, good about me, good about everything...I felt secure. One day when I was telling him how I felt pretty for the first time in my life he replied, "pretty? you are my trophy wife." Not that I was a super model by far but that I felt COMFORTABLE for the first time ever. So comfy I decided to have a child at age 32. Then after that my health fell apart and so did the fairy tail life I had experienced for a short while. I am working hard girl at overcoming this...I guess the stupid hair was just always my security blanket. I LOVE who I am on the inside. I love how God has molded me into the person that I am. I always taught my students you can do anything you set your mind to and now here I am struggling with this. When I read the stories on here of people who have been where I am and have overcome it it gives me hope. I think losing one's hair really messes with identity because that is a big part of who we are used to seeing in the mirror. But I am really trying to get beyond that. Thanks again. You are an inspiration.

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Permalink Reply by Abby on May 4, 2011 at 11:18pm

That's really tough... I'm so sorry. *virtual hug*

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Permalink Reply by Deirdre on January 26, 2011 at 8:35pm

Same here. I wear regular old mono top synthetic wigs b/c of the cost of better systems. But it is getting so annoying that I am going to save up for a freedom hair vacuum wig. I wish they weren't so damn expensive!

this is a response to Amy! But it is not posting in the right place! Not sure why?

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Permalink Reply by Deirdre on January 26, 2011 at 8:38pm

Same here. I wear regular old mono top synthetic wigs b/c of the cost of better systems. But it is getting so annoying that I am going to save up for a freedom hair vacuum wig. I wish they weren't so damn expensive!

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Permalink Reply by Cathryn F. on January 25, 2011 at 3:33pm

I too am fond of a wig full time. Honestly when I saw all the "Bald is beautiful" threads I felt almost a little guilty or "old fashioned," and felt I'd be ridiculed for being an advocate of wigs. This was also ironically funny considering all the new technologies in wigs these days, and how popular hollywood, et. al., have made them. But then I realized, what works for me is what matters.
Early on though, the (very few) comments finally stopped, and the compliments started coming, and yes, I am now ok with the very rare few have figured out that it's not my original hair, ("Why yes it's MY hair," (I just bought it instead of growing it, lol). I have grown and am a little more open with SOME people than I used to be, but still very self conscious. They have even asked for help with getting a wig, because they say I look so wonderful. (I was stunned). I haven't done the 24/7 bonding thing, because I am trying it as a style accessory to match the mood or activity. Yes that sounds a little "out there" but you know, I want to have fun with it, and why not? But even without the bonding, I, like a few here, do have wigs for sleeping, bathing, swimming, sports, everything I do, so I will never be without one. (I do plan to do a full bond when the rest of my original hair is gone). I live in a warm climate, and it's not been an issue like people said. I go out in the rain, I swim, I play sports, blah blah. The thing is, I feel wonderful, and get told that. Even my family said I am happier and more "my old self." I tried them long ago, and then started to deal with my hair being the way it was, and over time it really started to get to me. Then a friend who wears wigs all the time for style, helped to change my attitude. (Get a friend to support you!). She gave me articles to read, and emotional support, and took me to a shop, and even bought me my first one.
I can't recall the day when I decided they were an important part of my life. For a while, I thought I was addicted to them, but an addiction is something that impedes your ability to function, not enhances it. And I definitely feel better. Ok, ok, I'm rambling :). The fact is, I am loved and accepted by those that matter to me. My self esteem is better than it's been in a long time. Wigs have become as necessary to me as corrective lenses, though on a more intimate level. And yes, I don't miss bad hair days (even when I had mine). I honestly think I am saving money from going to the salon. I have changed my mindset, and it's not something I "need" any more, but also something I WANT :). Mindset matters more than anything.
If you can't stand the one you have, keep trying. There are lots of (scalp) treatments too that can really do wonders (I had some issues early on). And tons of ways to make sure they stay put and feel as natural as possible. But I have to say, bald isn't for me. I applaud those who are doing that though, because they have also found what works for them! Yay!
Hang in there, make sure your life partner does support you; that's critical. Mine does, and has been the BEST encourager I could have (and has even bought me a few). I am saddened by the stories of women whose husbands and boyfriends can't deal with it, considering that most of the women they see on TV are likely wigging it. Yes, it had a stigma for me, but I am way past that now. Talking it out helps, I suppose, but it comes down to your needing respect and support for your decision, no matter what that may be.
Nowadays, it's as regular as waking up in the morning. I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror without it. And you know, that's ok, because it's become my new "normal." My wig stays on, unless I am swapping :)
I am also saddened by your story of being left, mine kinda ditched me during this too. My self esteem hasn't been great, but now God has shown me that being beautiful comes from inside, and just reflects on the outside. Blessings to you for healing and growing, you are awesome! A little nice hair can only help :)

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Permalink Reply by Gail on January 25, 2011 at 6:42pm

Great response, Cathryn F.! I feel the same as you about wearing wigs and wear mine 100% of the time when I'm out of the house. I do a bandanna or nothing at home in the evening when I know I'm not headed out anywhere. But what kind of wigs do you wear that you can sleep/swim/etc in them?

Chefpam - you WILL figure this out! You will go back to being teacher and eventually, the old self-confidence you had will start coming back. These things take time, for some of us longer than others. Hang in there!

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