Furious

I'm furious. In the school lunchroom yesterday, one of the ADULT aides came up behind my daughter, who is in the 6th grade and has AA, and removed her hat (a fedora type hat) with no warning. She apparently "jokingly" put it on her head, then behind her back, pretending she would keep it. All the while, Signe was just trying to cover up her bald spots (which are many, and impossible to cover up". The aide then looked at her, dropped the hat back on her head and said, "oh, I forgot.".

Signe has been wearing hats and bandanas at school for over a year. The teachers and staff have all been notified of her condition. This woman sees her at lunch EVERY day. I find it hard to believe that she forgot.

I have sent a message to the principal, requesting a meeting. However, I really just want that aide's head on a platter. Is that too much to ask?

What would you do? Am I over reacting?

Maria

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Permalink Reply by Supportive Mom on March 30, 2011 at 12:10am
Oh no you are not over reacting anytime my daughter has a problem in school, I call right away and make sure it doesnt happen again. I make sure I make my point clear. I would go to that cafeteria myself and speak with her. I have went to my daughters lunch plenty of times just for support. I would let the teacher, cafeteria manager, counselor, principal, assistant principal and even the school intendent. I would let the principal know that you wanted the intendent to know so she knows you are serious. She should be punished for that or even fired. School is a place where the adults who work in there should treat kids with all respect and if they cant do the most important part of their job they should get a new one.
Permalink Reply by velvet on April 25, 2011 at 4:44pm
Hey i an 16 and have aa please feel free to add me and if your daughter ever wants someone to talk to i will happily talk to her :) xx
Permalink Reply by Bruce on November 5, 2011 at 7:29pm
Dear Velvet--

What a lovely offer. I'm an adult leg amputee and a certified peer visitor through the Amputee Coalition (the equivalent to NAAF). We also have youth programs for young amputees and I know they try to get older teens and young adults who lived with limb loss and limb differences as kids to be mentors.

I don't know if NAAF has any kind of peer visitor program or mentoring through their youth programs (I'm new to this). But I do know that a variety of service organizations for various conditions and disabilities offer similar things. I believe breast cancer and mastectomy survivors were pioneers at this.

Cheers to you for thinking of this and making the offer. I'm going to investigate the NAAF website further to see if they include anything like this. Best wishes to you!
Permalink Reply by R0BB on April 26, 2011 at 12:39pm
Me at the beginning of 9th grade ( 1980 - 81 ) .... This BATTLEAXE of a teacher I had was walking round the room making sure none of us were cheating on a test.
She stops at me and starts running her hand through my hair saying to the class " Hmmm Lets see ... what do ya got going on here ?? "

At the time I had very noticeable AA spots. I wanted to kill her.
This happpened a week after the meeting with my Dad and the vice principle who pleaded with me to stay in school despite my condition.
All my teachers were notified ... of my condition prior to this incident.

I quit school the next day and went to work full time.

Give that aide a piece of your mind ... a LARGE piece... then tear that Principle a new A hole too.

Tell your daughter that she has every right to be mortified of what the aide did .... then ask her what she wants on tonights PIZZA :)

- Peace
Permalink Reply by Clifford on June 3, 2011 at 5:04pm
I hope you find my thoughts on the topic useful.
First some relevant school memories: Classmates playing "volleyball" with my wig when I was 10 (remember it like it was yesterday although it was 37 years ago) . Teacher threatening to pull my wig off in front of entire class when I was 12 because it looked "messy". Various children at various times grabbing my wig from behind or trying to push it out of place. Snide remarks and teasing etc etc.
However, my WORST and most EMBARRASSING memories are of my parents over-reacting when they found out about this type of event.
Every child is different and needs different levels of intervention. What they don't need is parents letting their protective instincts get in the way of a measured, logical and supportive response to the inevitable bad behaviour any child who is different from the pack will need to learn to endure and rise above.
Let's face it. Most people with alopecia will have it for life. With their parents' loving support, children with alopecia will learn how to cope with the insensitive members of society in their own way. They will learn that for every idiotic bully there is another caring person; like the smallest boy in the class who suffered a bloody nose rescuing my wig from the "volley ball" lunatics. Or the pack of classmates who turned on the thoughtless teacher.
By all means, have a chat with the school about the hat incident, but my gut feeling is that it was an honest, albeit stupid, mistake. Either way, I particularly like the approach Lisa describes.

-- Alopecia is tough, but your daughter will survive and thrive in the long run and make a lot of great, supportive friends along the way.
Permalink Reply by Maria Jeremiason _ Signe's Mom on June 3, 2011 at 5:53pm
Hello Clifford. Thank you for your remarks. I think you will see by my reply on March 21st (and other posts) that I have always taken my daughter's needs into account first - I can't imagine any other way. I'm not sure how to close this topic to any further comments.

I'm so grateful to have a place like Alopecia World where I can come for advice, answers or simply to vent.
Permalink Reply by Clifford on June 4, 2011 at 3:47am
Hi Maria. There is no need to close the topic. I am sure that hundreds of parents have found (are finding) the discussion interesting. If you don't want further alerts you can press the "stop following" button at the bottom of the page.
Permalink Reply by lauren on June 4, 2011 at 3:19pm
A similar thing happened to me at lunch, a security guard who had known me for two years and knew that I had a doctors note that allowed me to wear a hat during school made me remove my cap during lunch in front of a bunch of people this was when my hair was still falling out and looked terrible . It was extremely embarrassing and I know how your daughter must of felt and I'm sorry that happened. The schools usually don't do much about incidents like that I'm sorry to say but I hope they do something about that because that's just ridiculous. 
Permalink Reply by Angie(Austin and Lily's Mom) on December 7, 2011 at 3:07pm

I would have been just as upset!

Permalink Reply by Laura on March 6, 2012 at 11:35am

Go to the school board and demand this woman be terminated! That is inexcusable behavior!

Permalink Reply by carolyn on March 11, 2012 at 12:59pm

As a mother I know your outrage and pure heart brake because of this injustice! As parents we hold our breath each day sending our alopecia children to school… praying nothing humiliating happens to them. Our first fear is that children will make fun of them….only to be blind-sided by the adults. You are not alone! My 11-year old daughter just experience similar situation last week. Her school principal failed to inform ALL of the school staff her NEW hat exception. Note to new alopecia parents: Prepare your children for the uninformed school staff, like the lunch lady, hall monitor, recess staff and the substitute teacher! I gave my daughter notes to carry in her pocket stating: “My daughter has a hat exception. Do not question her. Ask at the office for additional information”. I personally told her main teachers, the office staff, the school nurse and councils….but the principal failed to tell the music, gym and art teachers! The teacher rudely argued with my daughter to remove the hat! This situation turned into a big emotional mess. I know your frustration. As moms we need to prepare the kids for this situation and confirm the school staff is informed. So sorry this happened.

Permalink Reply by Storm_Uchiha on March 13, 2012 at 2:42am

Your daughter sounds like she handled it better then I would have...You and her handled it a LOT better then my mom and I would have....Heck if my aunt saw something like that happening that woman would not have escaped unscathed mentally and psychically. I hope that she regrets her actions and gets kept on a tight leash. I'm sixteen years old and I've been dealing with stuff like that my whole life I'm completely bald but rarly do anyone really behave like that around me...Most of the time people come up, ask if they can pray for me, when I was getting a gatoraide at a gas station once (in prep for my horse back riding lesson. Western riding can be exhausting.) A man came up to my mom and me, requesting if he could pray for me and I felt so happy the rest of the day. Others have come up to me asking if they could hug me and it really felt like I was loved. Others approached us out of no where asking if I had lukemia and such...

Boy...My aunt nearly ripped him a new one my mom had to get between her and the guy lest a verbal beat down would have gone down in the Mall of America.

I'm really sorry this happened and you reacted accordingly. My first thoughts reading your post was: "KILL THE (Censored)! KEEEL HEEER!" People like that make my blood boil.

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