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Going without a wig or head cover
Will I ever feel comfortable going without my wig or head covered? I just can't seem to get there and I have not had any hair for 3 1/2 years. A lot of times when I go out just with a bandana on I have strangers come up to me and ask me what type of cancer I have. I try to make it a positive opportunity and introduce them to our disease, but it still doesn't make it less comfortable or easier.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Gang,
I'm with Mary on this one, big time - as long as a bald woman is an unusual sight, people will react the same as they would to ANYTHING out of the ordinary. They'll stop and stare, and if they think they know what the "unusual sight" is (e.g. a cancer patient), they won't think that there might be an alternative explanation.
There was a time when people stopped and stared at motor cars too.... and look how that's turned out! (Not sure how many 2- or 3-bald-women households there'll be in 50 years, but c'mon, girls, if you make the effort... :) )
Mary, you said that no-one looks twice at a bald man now. We all know that's right - guys are shaving their heads even when they've still got all their hair. As I said in my earlier post, there was a time when it was the same for a man as it is for a woman now. It only changed as people got their heads around (sorry!) it being OK, by seeing more men completely bald. These days you wouldn't believe the things I have to do to get noticed... :)
Aimee, I understand why you wouldn't want to go out without a wig or scarf. Seems to confirm my thoughts about having family support you... if your Dad and Sis associate "bald" with "cancer" you'll never be able to get past that yourself. (That's not a criticism - it just seems to be the way we're influenced by those close to us.) Whatever you do, do the thing that's right for you, if you're happy with it.... life's hard enough as it is. But if you're not happy with it, if you want to be accepted "au naturel", then join Mary's Mob and change opinions!
Mary (again), I wish I was closer to you so maybe I could help on your Bald Out day. I really think you're on the right track with this. So many on here are going through so much pain - it's bad enough having your whole self-image wrecked without having to cope with the negative reactions from the rest of the world. I hope you and your pals can get it all to the stage where a woman can lose her hair and although it might not be the greatest moment of her life, it's not the end of it either, or even its defining moment. Yer a superstar!
OK... my rant over too! :)
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Hi Roberta, don't worry about your English - it's great! (better than my Portuguese... and better than a lot of English people I know too :) )
Good to see that you go out bald, and you're accepted - proves what Mary says - if there are girls there who shave their heads, you won't stand out - it's normal. Bet your local hairdressers aren't too pleased about it though!
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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Norm and Roberta, thank you for your comments. National Bald Out Day IS already international! When I came up with the name last year, I called it "National" and not "American" so that it could be a "National" event in whatever country you're in. Check out the NBO Group here on AW, and please join if you haven't. Last year, we had groups formed and events in Canada and the UK, as well as around the US. (See the video of NBO 2009 on AW and YouTube) I would LOVE it if you had some sort of event in Brazil, Roberta, or where you live in the UK, Norm. NBO Day can be one person going to the store for the first time bald, or a group getting together in a public place to let people know we're here.
Norm, you're absolutely right about the perception of men's baldness. Remember when Patrick Stewart was chosen as the new captain of the Enterprise on Star Trek Next Generation? It was a BIG deal that he's bald - I remember a billboard with his photo that said "To Baldly Go...." At that time, 1989 or so, bald guys weren't as commonly seen, and bald wasn't "sexy" for guys the way it is now. I really do think we can alter public perception about bald women the same way. I know it's not easy, though.
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Yeah, I remember when Star Trek:TNG kicked off back in the late '80's... I think that was his first really big break - he'd been in "I, Claudius" on the TV in the '70's and I remember him in Excalibur, but choosing a baldy for a major part like that?? Woah.... The thing was, he wasn't even completely bald - just MPB (but it was interesting watching his remaining hair get shorter and shorter as the years went by. :) )
It's things like that, which seem quite "edgy" at the time, that eventually beome "the Norm" (er, not me, I hasten to add) and get stuff accepted by the public.... Mary, I hereby volunteer you for active bridge duty in the next Star Trek film/TV series - are you up for it? :)
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I'm a big ST-NG fan...wish they hadn't stopped making movies with that cast. Actually, I plan on dressing for a costume party someday as Ilia from the (awful) first ST movie....remember what she looked like? Here's a photo:
http://nickys-toys.com/MY_COLLECTION/StarTrekPics/Decker_Ilia2.jpg
I have a red, ST-NG crew shirt that I bought for a costume party years ago (no, I'm not a Trekkie/Trekker). I also have Vulcan ears (I know, I sound like a Trekkie). Anyway, this past Halloween, I went to the door bald, in my ST shirt, with the Vulcan ears. I looked like the love child of Spock and Picard! Some of the parents got it. The kids were just mystified!
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Ahhh, fun days.... the sun always shone, the sky was blue, and we were all deliriously happy. Or it coulda been the beer.
I actually went to the cinema to watch that 1st ST film (the word I used for it had a similar meaning to, but was slightly more earthy than, "awful"). I'd already been completely bald for 4 years by then... I thought the best thing about it was Ilia and her shiny head. Funny how we've never seen any others from her race (was it the Deltans? - how sad am I!!) since...
Love that Halloween image. If you'd answered the door to me dressed like that, I'd have been looking for Candid Camera...
My scaring-off-potential-visitors moments were when I used to have a white cat, and I could answer the door with my best James Bond villain impersonation. And I wonder why I've got no mates....
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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Hi Deanna,
I too struggle with the idea, around people I am comfortable with I will show them or go bald, for a few mins, but then I put my hair back on cause I sometimes think this is the me people like & are use to. I am new to this bald me, only 10 mths now, and the Dr said it isn't going to come back, chances are slim to none. I want to this summer when away camping instead of swimming with the wig, & worrying all the time if it shows, or is it moved ......I wish I could just throw it on my lawn chair and swim with my husband and boys. They say mom, do it, we love you.............for you.......so one day I shall dig up the courage and say the heck with it. World here I come Bald & all.... SOMEDAY.......just not today. I am not at the bandana out in public stage yet neither...........So I do get where you are coming from, if you figure it out before I do, email me the secret. Take care and have a great day. Denise
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Permalink Reply by lynne on
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mary i live ur comments and that is so true wat u say about bein more bald women, im afraid i would never go without my wig i dont even walk around the house bald now and stopped showin my family, maybe i've still to accept wats happened im not sure but u are rite in so many ways, maybe one time it will happen, x
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Lynne, you need to do what makes you feel best about yourself. Wigs just weren't right for me. I'm glad so many women can wear them. My goal is simply for more women to have the option to make the choice, and for it to be more of a "normal" thing to see a bald woman out in public.
Deanna - welcome to AW. For a long while, I kept track of my bald "firsts": first time to the mailbox, to the library, to the grocery store, performing music. I think the one thing that made me begin to go out in public bald pretty quickly was teaching a very aerobic weekly folk dance class. The first week after I shaved my head, I wore the wig to class....and about died from the heat. Next week, I wore a bandana, and sweat poured down my face. My class members were all telling me to ditch the scarf, so I did, and went on from there.
Just take it a day at a time, and do what feels best emotionally and physically. Mary
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Permalink Reply by Patricia Hutchings on
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For me it just depends on the weather. In the Winter in the Uk, its too darn cold, and in the summer to hot. I go without anything in the house during the summer, but I dont like going out without anything on as I cant wear sunscreen at the moment.
PS: Im a Trekkie too. I love Voyager the most.
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Yes, Patricia...if I lived somewhere cooler, I'm sure I'd cover my head more. But, even then I'd be too warm to wear a wig inside heated buildings. I always wear a sunhat outside, unless I'm just in the sun for a moment.
p.s. I'm particularly a fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Picture this - I'm thinking of going to a costume party this weekend dressed as what I call a "transporter accident": red and black ST-TNG shirt and insignia pin, black pants, bald head, AND Vulcan ears. (Get it...Picard and a Vulcan woman got mixed up by the transporter.) ( ;-)
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