Good Hair

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213585/

Hi Everyone

I just watched this great documentary film from Chris Rock about the world of hair and what constitutes "good hair."

This isn't a film about alopecia but Sheila Bridges makes a cameo to discuss alopecia. She said she chooses not to wear a wig because it felt like she was hiding something. I thought that was an interesting comment because I wear a wig and I don't feel like I'm hiding anything - I wear them because I think it shows the true me. I think it is awesome to sport the bald head if you have it and you love it. I commend women who feel comfortable to do that but I also commend the women who have found their style through wigs, scarves, etc. I see it like this - I didn't choose to loose my hair so I don't choose to flaunt my spots. I'm not hiding who I am - I am actually doing the opposite with my wig, eyebrow powder, and lashes. I am creating the picture of me :)

The other part of this film I liked was how it highlighted the insanity of hair prices! Those who wear hair you know what I am talking about. You have to become very educated in the field to do it right.

I would love to hear others thoughts on this idea. I hope no one takes offense to my comment as I think anyway you do it you aren't hiding you are doing you :)

Definitely check out this film - he is hilarious.

Jocelyn

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on December 31, 2010 at 1:49pm
I have been watching that on satellite TV. I was surprised to hear the attitude of the men, who can't afford to pay for the hair obsessions of their women and who aren't "allowed" to touch the weaves. If I was in the men's position, I would probably feel the same. Good thing with a wig, I can quickly have it either way. The men in the movie even ridiculed women who toss back their purchased hair as if it were their own, like "false advertising." Makes me wonder what men think of my wig. When I got my blond one, I took a poll of friends, coworkers and significant others, and they all thought the blond was more fantastic and youthful than the wig with my natural brunette color. So, I can also see the choice for the purchased hair. Because I spent most of my life meeting people and taking family photos WITH hair and eyebrows, I prefer to not upset the apple cart, and instead just give folk what they knew me to be. I moved thousands of miles away from where I grew up, so here I let some people see me without...but only in women's church groups, briefly. The women seem to either ignor me or turn away, as if I am embarrassing them. So, after several tests, I won't do that anymore: the wig puts them at ease, and they don't feel like they have to say anything beyond the purpose of the event. No one wants to turn every party into an alopecia support group: I save that for here now.

It has been years since a new man has been face-to-face in my life. The ex-h left for a long-hair, and the ex-b accepted the alopecia but was not very deep or communicative. Are we free to make any choice if there is no one to please? If a tree falls in a forest and there is no one around, does it make a sound?

By the way, also on TV this week was Grey Gardens, with Little Edie (Drew Barrrymore's character) having alopecia, and The Man in the Iron Mask (Richard Chamberlain version), which showed Louis the XIV's wife hiding what looked like alopecia under her wig (he pulled it off in front of a crowd of people). Lots of stuff suddenly on TV about this. Did you know Christopher Reeve, who played Superman, also had alopecia in real life? In Superman II, his scenes in the fortress with Lois, when he becomes mortal, appear to be done in a toupee. Some of the videos of him (CR, not S) in a wheelchair later in life show his bald head. Humphrey Bogart also had it, and covered it up in The Maltese Falcon, according to Lauren Bacall. Men hide, too.
Permalink Reply by porcelinh on January 1, 2011 at 2:34am
Hi, Jocelyn. I am like you. I choose to wear a hair piece b/c I like being feminine and changing my look once in while. I use to hide the fact that I have AU but, now I am more open about it. I feel that when you educate others about AU, people respect what you are going through. I agree, the documentry that Chris Rock did was very good and I've seen it 3 times. I enjoyed the comdey and the education he provided. Do you have HBO on demand? If you do, they have a "Locks of Love" documentry. Its a must see. I really loved how heart warming it was and had no idea how many people are so supportive (especially the little girls) are in donating hair to people like us. ~Holly
Permalink Reply by Julie G on January 1, 2011 at 9:04am
The whole thing about hiding something I think is a little interesting. If a man has a bald head, some think that is sexy and no one really looks twice at them. But if a woman has a bald head, there is a totally different response. I think that it is very sad that women are looked at so differently when it comes to losing their hair.
I try and hide something everyday when I comb my hair and try and cover up the top of my hair. So I guess I am hiding something, but I guess I am only hiding it from myself because everyone else can see it.
I agree with you and like the way that you put that you are creating a picture of you.
I am going to be getting a wig next month and I am trying to start telling people about it and talking about it.
I have been "hiding" it for so long and not talking about it, thinking that if I don't talk about it that it doesn't exist to everyone else.
Now that I have gone on and on and starting to get off subject...thanks for the post! I will have to see if I can find the video.

Julie
Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on January 1, 2011 at 11:05am
I don't think you are hiding anything by trying to present your best image. My son was selling some of our old furniture and someone came to the house before I had my makeup on yesterday. I told my daughter shut the door to other room, I don't have my makeup on. She laughed and said, I don't have my lashes on, that trumps makeup. She always goes out of the house looking her best and that includes make-up, lashes and wig. I don't think she is hiding who she is, I think this is who she is.
Permalink Reply by Gail on January 1, 2011 at 1:49pm
Some of us choose to wear wigs, some choose to go bare. Frankly, I get a little miffed when I hear people refer to wearing a wig as being a "fraud" or "hiding something." Personally, I wear a wig because I look better with hair, plain and simple. I have an unattractive head and although I have never been particularly vain or high maintenance, I have always taken pride in my appearance. Even with alopecia, I still do and if I feel more comfortable facing the public in a wig, then I should be able to do that, without having to defend my choice to do so. And I also don't feel like having to explain my hair loss or endure the stares of others if I don't want to.

Bottom line, everyone deals with this disorder in his/her own way. Education is the way to make more people knowledgeable of alopecia and I applaud the people who come forward to actively promote awareness, but please don't try to make those of us who choose to conceal our hair loss feel guilty.
Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on January 1, 2011 at 2:02pm
Yes. Education in empathy is also important. All one can ever do is present a personal situation and feeling, and the quiet ackowledgment and acceptance of that point of view may or may not follow. No crime no foul. Alopecians/bald folk do not need to make others feel lesser or overly praise only the bald choices: this has been hard enough to deal with. Acceptance of one's professional attire, including hair (hm...Superman or Lex Luthor? We know them by their hair.) is part of life. (I prefer to teach in a wig!). It is when we are one-on-one, in terms of attracting our significant other daily, that this can get tricky. To whom does one be true? How often will one wander out of one's true comfort zone? Will love rise above hair politics?
Permalink Reply by Petra on January 1, 2011 at 2:30pm
I'll either wear a wig, scarf or hat when I go out and no matter what look I decide to choose for the day or minute is me. There is a whole different reaction from others when I go out with a scarf or hat on. Sometimes it can be quit bothersome. Like Tallgirl said some people look away, it's almost like they are ashamed. This is me though, so who cares if others are not comfortable with the way I look as long as I am comfortable with myself is what matters. Of course like most I have had a lot of people approach me because they think I have cancer, most who have or had cancer themselves. I always applaud people like that, being able to reach out to others who they feel are going through the same thing. Plus it gives me a chance to educate others on alopecia.
Permalink Reply by Mary on January 1, 2011 at 5:31pm
Great blog, great topic. Those of you who know me, probably know what I'm going to say, but this is a good opportunity for me to clarify my feelings.

I don't feel that women who choose to wear a wig are "hiding" something - it's their choice. I respect that choice and support all women who are able to wear a wig and feel better in one. As I have written before, it comes down to a choice of what makes the individual feel most comfortable.

I WISH I could wear a wig. I much prefer the way I look with hair - my now-departed natural hair, or purchased. This month is 3 years since I lost all my hair, and I still struggle with how I look bald. But for me, after almost a year of trying to wear a variety of wigs, the choice very simply came down to this: did I want to be PHYSICALLY uncomfortable in a wig (and I was miserable in them), or EMOTIONALLY/PSYCHOLOGICALLY uncomfortable being seen bald? I chose the latter, and it's just who I am now.

It hasn't been easy (see my recent blog about being bald in Indonesia.) But, having made this choice, I personally WOULD feel like I was hiding something if I put on a wig. Of physical necessity, I've had to accept that this is who I am now - a hairless woman. A wig wouldn't feel like me, and I found that wigs only made me get depressed again because I'd see myself in hair and mourn the loss of my hair all over again. But, that's ME.

I love the way you said "I am creating the picture of me" - that's what this is all about. Some women with AU don't bother with eyebrows...I feel better with permanent makeup that I touch up to provide me with something that looks similar to my original brows, and with permanent eyeliner. Do I think I'm "hiding" my bare eyes and brows - not at all. It's no different for someone who chooses to wear a wig. We are EACH creating the picture of ourselves, and we're here to support each other in that journey.

All that said, I will continue to support and advocate women going out in public bald IF they're uncomfortable in a wig and would like to try it. To me, it's an issue of equal rights - men who lose their hair can go out in cool comfort bald, and no one gives them a second look or asks them about their chemotherapy. Male baldies appear in fashion ads and leading man roles. It will never be that way for women until there are more bald women out there.

I hope I haven't offended anyone - we're all in this together.

Mary
Permalink Reply by Gail on January 1, 2011 at 6:12pm
No offense taken, Mary. My preference FOR a wig is so strong that I am willing to endure the discomfort and heat and occasional headaches. I even run and work out in wigs because it is more "the picture of me" than being without. There may come a day when I feel differently, but for now - this is it.

I totally agree with your last paragraph about "equal rights," but until being a bald female becomes a fashion or beauty statement and is accepted as commonplace in our superficial and narrow-minded culture(s), I fear the rude comments, stares, and assumptions will continue. It will take many years and many brave women such as yourself to change things.
Permalink Reply by Jocelyn on January 1, 2011 at 7:34pm
Ladies - you're comments are awesome and inspiring. The truth is we live in an image obsessed world that focuses so much on hair, skin, nails, clothing, weight, etc. and we are still far from a world of equal rights for women related to image when magazines continue to cover their pages with these super models and actresses in skin tight dresses with voluminous hair and long lashes. They are the real masters of disguise with their sewn in spanx, spray tans, and extensions lol.

I think that beautifying yourself is natural whether it's putting cover up on a zit, wearing control top pantyhose, getting a manicure, waxing the unwanted hair if you have it, or covering/uncovering your bald spots. Each and everyone of us ladies and gents deserves to feel beautiful/handsome everyday. I say do what makes you feel good and don't feel guilty for it. It's frustrating as it is to go through this process that we didn't ask for. The last thing we should be doing is making ourselves feel worse about it.

After all this great blog reading I am going to treat myself to a manicure and pedicure tomorrow - you know to HIDE those awful cuticles hahaha

I suggest you all do something special for yourself too!

XOXO - Jocelyn
Permalink Reply by Susan on January 1, 2011 at 7:55pm
Hello Jocelyn,
Happy New Year to you!You could not have articulated your point any better...Brilliant!
Navigating the many emotions one experiences with the very many different stories each individual has in their journey with alopecia,sets the stage for varied choices and responses.
I lost all of the hair on my head in July 2010.and agree,having a bald head is much easier than loosing hair over time.
Diagnosed with AA 21 years ago,after loosing my eyebrows and being told that I could possibly loose all body hair,I am not devastated,because not only did I have time,I also saw a few beautiful women talk openly about it,and I knew that I would be ok.
Working in retail,i wear a wig.Expensive and uncomfortable at times,I'm yet to find a good one.
Went out for cocktails with supportive friends,rocking my bald head and had a great time.I feel like I have the best of both worlds.Winters are cold here.At work,I have shared with a few,including HR managers and told them that I may go au natural one day soon.Who know,maybe I won't.A couple of customers complimented me on my hair,saying "you have such beautiful hair"My response was "thank you,I lost all of my hair last July"They were very supportive and began to share detaild of their life.We bonded on a level.
Sorry,I have so much to say...
Last but not least;As challenging as it is for all of us with either AA,AT or AU in our day to day lives as we interact with non alopecians who may or may not understand,it is important for us to be respectful and supportive of each other,wheather we choose to wear a wig or rock our beautiful bald heads.I certainly intend to do both.
"Hair doed not define us,We need to define our comfortable..."
Permalink Reply by Susan on January 1, 2011 at 9:12pm
Sorry for the typos,
"Hair does not define us,We define our Comfortable"

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