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Has alopecia changed you in a way? Your personality? Your character?
Hello everyone, as usual, I am momentarily depressed about my hair so I would like to ask you some questions. Since the onset of your alopecia, do you find a change within your character that has made you the way you are right now? For example, some of you have become quieter. Some of you have learned to be humble. Some of you have learned to be confident. Some of you have acquired the "I-don't-care" attitude. Some of you have become outgoing and bubbly.
I've definitely become a humble person. I don't know how to explain but after going through a lot in the past years, I have learned to accept the pain I'm carrying within myself. For example, some people can be rude and show off whatever they have - their luxurious clothes, fancy car, designer clothes, beautiful hair and skin, et cetera. But I've learned to be kind to people because you never know what they are going through at the moment.
In what ways has alopecia changed you? If there's any change at all?
Thank you.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy G. on
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Hi Mariam,
I haven't had alopecia for as long as a lot of people here (4 years), but I do go through different emotions too. Compared to other challenges, alopecia isn't so bad. It took me awhile to really stop being frustrated and accept it. I had to learn to control how I felt about it and learn to live my life with it.
Like Debbie said, I can decide to go with hair or without. I do like that. I mostly wear wigs out but I would rather not stand out in a crowd. I love coming home from work and putting on my fleece beanie hats.
After hearing someone at work talk about all she does in the morning with her hair, it made me appreciate alopecia's taking away all that worry and time spent on hair.
I am a quiet person but always have been. What helped me with that was a job working at a newspaper with everyone looking over my shoulder as I layed out the front page on the computer and teaching some classes.
The "I don't care attitude" has definitely come with age and being an artist. I have a lot of good role models for that.
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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I also am more understanding of people. But at the same time, I feel that people treat me differently. I just don't feel accepted by people. If that makes any sense. I seldom desire to even really dress up, because lack of pretty hair, just kinda ruins any outfit. I feel self conscious wearing a wig, but somewhat better about my appearance. Until I feel that someone is looking at me. I am so happy and thankful that this loss did not start until later in my life. I don't think I could have coped at a young age. But, then, I would have had to, right?
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Permalink Reply by Ellyn on
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I don't think it matters at what stage in life this alopecia thing starts, Lexi, the grief is the same and the feelings are the same. I think it's mostly about how we feel about ourselves and our self-image. And I agree with you - lack of pretty hair can ruin an outfit. You look at all those beautiful models and they all have some sort of a lovely head of hair. But most of all it is about how we feel about ourselves and how much we want to fit in with the crowd. It just plain straight out hurts every day of our lives and I don't believe there should be any denying that - I think we're entitled to our feelings except, so as to fit it, we keep the peckers up and never ever let it show. I can never even tell my two siblings about how I feel because one (brother) just ain't interested and the other (sister) would just tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Actually, I have learnt to cope and most people seem to think I'm an okay person and I just don't tell anyone now that I wear a wig of any sorts - just try and change the subject when they ask where I get my hair done!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Sierra D on
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It is so easy to hit those rough spots and feel momentarily depressed... I know I feel them out of nowhere. One day I am perfectly fine and accepting of my alopecia, and the next moment I am bawling hysterically to my mother/brother/dad/boyfriend/anyone who will listen- asking what I did wrong in my life. It may help to look at it (Though not much, probably) as that we are the "special" ones chosen to share our experiences and enlighten other people of what this is, and that it can happen to anyone. I hope that makes sense. I have really taken advantage of this whole experience and tried to tell people everything I know about alopecia, because I really would have liked to have known that my hair could randomly fall out one day before it happened to me. Moving on to the subject of the matter- I think Alopecia changes everyone, whether one thinks so or not. It will obviously make one self-conscious, worried about your health, possibly feeling like an outsider. I know that it made me extremely self conscious. I thought for the longest time I had some fatal disease and that's why my hair was falling out. I blamed any bad habit I had in my life as the cause for hair loss. I kept getting my hopes up thinking that "this last patch will be the last one to fall out... I've eliminated all stress from my life." Well... it wasn't. Once I finally gave into it all and shaved it off, I am amazed at what it did for me. I can stop obsessing over all this hair loss! (Another way it changed me.... insanely obsessive.) Wigs opened up something new to me too... I just knew that people would know I was wearing a wig.... well, they don't. And those who do respect me and know enough about me to just compliment it! lol. The only people who know I'm wearing a wig know my back story and know how much I struggle day-to-day. So, I hope you can get past your momentary depression.... and realize that you are beautiful no matter what is on your head... (Hard, I know.) Good luck, and I hope things look up for you!
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Permalink Reply by Brenna on
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Hey Mariam,
Thanks for your questions - it inspired lots of answers! I have Alopeica Universalis, and finally (after 10 years with no hair) wrote an essay this summer that answers the questions you asked. It's too long to post in the reply, but you can read it at http://cedarmoon.us/baldnbold.htmlIn short, I think I'm a WAY BETTER person for living in the bald. there's much more to it, of course, and while its never easy, I consider it one of my greatest life blessings.
best,
Brenna
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Permalink Reply by Grace on
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Hi Mariam, good question! I've always been self absorbed when it came to my looks. Men taught me at an early age that it was very important to look "good" in order to be acceptable. When I was diagnosed with scarring alopecia, my whole outlook changed. I went from being terrified of losing my hair to learning to like myself for who I am and not for how I looked. That was life changing for me and then I realized that the way I regard others had changed as well. When I talk with people, I now look at what's inside their hearts and am more interested in who they are and what makes them unique. Needless to say, I'm much happier with my life, more comfortable with who I have become and I now have more empathy and compassion for others, no matter what they may be going through. Just the process of aging can bring you to a new place of accepting yourself but having alopecia has really opened my inner eye to what real beauty is and the importance of "self-acceptance".
Grace
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Sorry. I just cannot comprehend why anyone would feel they were a better person after hair loss. You could have still had compassion for others but look "normal". I understand there are far too many worse things in this life than losing hair. I won't start to list them all. But hair loss is not something esp. a woman should have. But we do. So we have to come to terms with it. Make the best of it. Of all the terrible things that could be wrong, hair loss is such a small thing. If I live a long and healthy life and hair loss is the worse thing that happens to me, I would be happy.
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