Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Heather on October 6, 2013 at 4:24pm

Thank you :)

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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on October 6, 2013 at 5:04pm

Heather, I hated my job and developing AU while confronted with stares of catty people didn't help. I lived in Toronto, was already needing a new job and supportive friends and then hair fell out. I started working part time and had some time tp process hair loss. I now have a life I like much more so the hair loss doesn't seem as terrible. Going to a job one hates everyday and then having other setbacks is not easy. Give yourself time to adjust to hair loss but in meantime plan how to leave work you hate. Good luck and hugs!!!

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Permalink Reply by Mur on October 6, 2013 at 5:29pm

I do not think you should quit your job. No matter where you go people are going to ask you especially if you decide to shave, wear a scarf or hat. Since you already know your coworkers personality maybe you could have a meeting with everyone and explain to them that you have alopecia and it's something your still trying to deal with. Let them know you're having the meeting because you don't want to have to keep repeating yourself over and over to every coworker.

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Permalink Reply by Heather on October 6, 2013 at 5:54pm

Maybe, I should have stated in my first post that I am having I hard time dealing with this myself...not just dealing with it on the job. Like I said, I want to come to terms with this on my own time...get comfortable with it. I truly admire all of you that have accepted their alopecia, I'm confident I will too.

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Permalink Reply by Ericka on October 6, 2013 at 5:58pm

I agree I don't think you should quit your job, unless of course that's something you were planning to do anyway. I think first and foremost you have to come to terms with it yourself. You are beautiful despite your hair Unfortunately people are people, and whether you in NY or Timbuktu someone will always have a comment weather negative or positive. I decided to shave a year ago and people were far more receptive than I anticipated. But I had already reasoned in my own heart that this is now who I am and I don't owe anybody anything for being me. I love it... Be encouraged. You will certainly find your way!!!

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Permalink Reply by beni2702 on October 6, 2013 at 5:58pm

No. I haven't quit my job because of alopecia. I worked in a dept with about 120 people and my hair had been gradually thinning for a few years. It got so bad I couldn't hide it anymore and someone told me Oh hey I see you have a bald spot. I was so embarrassed. I said no sh*t a**hole. Anyway, the next week I went and bought a wig and this by far was the hardest thing I've had to do. I worked up my courage and went in acting like I owned the world! Lots of people asked questions and I answered. After the first week I was no longer the talk of the office. I went in as confident as can be and I've been wearing wigs ever since! If you want to quit your job for other reasons that's fine. Just don't let people intimidate you or get in the way of your money.

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Permalink Reply by Epo on October 6, 2013 at 6:18pm

I grew up in NYC, and went to college in NYC as well. I have done internships in very high stress fields (investment banking), and have seen first hand how important appearances are, and how mean and catty some of the women in my chosen industry are. I have been around catty women all my life, and when I had all my hair, it was already hard enough to deal with these women/the gossip/just plain stress.

I have had alopecia areata since January 2013, and it coincided with the start of a new semester at a very intense, hard school in Morningside Heights. In the middle of my semester, I had lost half the hair on my right side of the scalp, and was seriously considering taking the semester off, because I kept breaking down and crying. I was miserable, couldn't focus on my school work, which was in turn making me even more stressed. I didn't end up getting a wig until the summer, so the entire Spring 2013 semester at school was terrible for me. I knew people noticed my thinning hair in class, and when I ended up wearing hats everyday, from having had long luxurious locks that I never tied up, people would say "I love your hats! I've never seen you wear hats before though." I would get self-conscious even if they weren't actually talking about my thinning hair.

I didn't quit school because of alopecia, but I have to say, the summer break was definetely something I needed. I haven't come to terms with alopecia yet, and I don't think I ever will, but I am better prepared to deal with what it is because of the following (I highly recommend the following) :

My trichologist Liz, at Philip Kingsley Clinic
My wig stylist, Maggie, and the front receptionist girls, at Bitz n Pieces Wig Salon
My dermatologist, who has been working her butt off to help me, and reads a lot of research journals to help me
Hats, scarves and head bands from Eugenia Kim, for giving me confidence - the compliments people would give me made my entire day, and would make me forget that my scalp was geting patchier and patchier
My therapist, who I've had for years, but really helped me this summer when I finally told her how hard the alopecia was for me
Yoga and accupuncture, for stress relief
My friends and family, who have been incredibly supportive, loving, and wonderful to me

I really wish I had more advice for you, but as I haven't come to terms with my alopecia, and sometimes still want to quit school, work, and life, all I can say is it is okay to feel the way you are feeling. Alopecia sucks. Maybe other people have come to terms with it, but I haven't. You haven't. We have to not sacrifice our lives though. SO - if you don't like your job or career, change it! If you like your job or career, but the people are making it rough... take as long of a vacation as you are allowed to at work just to center yourself, so you can come back stronger.

You can add me as a friend if you would like. We can struggle together! :-)

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Permalink Reply by Linda Australia on October 6, 2013 at 6:20pm

The way I have dealt with alopecia is to be open and honest with my family, friends and work colleagues. I feel good about this approach to dealing with it. I told work colleagues about my alopecia in a work meeting and said it is not a life threatening disease, not contagious and there is nothing that I can do about it. I have too much life to live and enjoy therefore I must get on with my life regardless of alopecia. I wear scarfs or wigs depending on how I feel. I have accepted this is the new me and if anyone doesn't like it, it is their problem not mine. This coping strategy is working well for me and I have not had any problems with people. Hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Epo on October 6, 2013 at 6:33pm

And just to add - don't take to heart the people who are being a bit unkind on your discussion. You are 100 percent entitled to feel the way you feel!!! I wouldn't be surprised if you are depressed, like actually major clinically depressed by this - I know I am, and thus I NEED to see a therapist, lest I want to be the kind of depressed person I was a few years ago when I had physical manifestations such as inability to eat or move. So you know what, feel the way you feel! But try not to let it dictate your life. It's way easier said than done, and I know I don't always succeed in that regard, but us being NYC girls, we know that people are a bit more mean here than in other places. Some of the other people responding are assuming that people like you and me are super okay with our alopecia, and can put on our big girl panties and go on to work like we are a-okay, but that's not where we are! It's hard to leave personal issues out of work when they're really obvious! So I think you are totally fine in the way you feel.

Just remember that you have to do what you need for yourself to be happy. My wig from Bitz n Pieces makes me happy. Sometimes, the week before I get it washed, it looks a bit busted, but over all, just because of that one thing, I went from being antisocial and wanting to quit school and life, to being mostly okay in my day to day. I cry all the time though, but at least now I can go back to a certain degree of socializing! If your mental health needs some work, see a therapist, or make time every week to hang at the spa. I get a massage or acupuncture every week, and it makes me forget my alopecia for a while. I shop at Barney's all the time, because it makes me forget about my alopecia, and then the stuff I buy makes me look and feel really awesome and beautiful, since the alopecia makes me feel low and ugly. I reiterate - do what YOU have to do, and leave the less sensitive people at the door :-)

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Permalink Reply by Jean88 on October 6, 2013 at 6:52pm

Hi Heather,

I have female pattern baldness and I have been bullied in the workplace because of catty girls. I was miserable in my job, went to counseling about it, and still think of how horrendous those girls treated me at work, so I am a bit traumatized from that experience. Half way through working there, I got a mono-topper that was my hair colour and they didn't understand that I was wearing an additional piece of hair on my head. They just thought I found a great hairdresser. They were still mean to me even though I had a mono-topper.
The mono-topper hurt my sensitive scalp and after wearing this snap-on piece on my head for 1.5 years I swtitched to a wig. I am sporty and I like Godiva's Secret Wigs because they are wash and wear synthetic wigs that are comfortable and not "weird". I wear a full wig now, and yes my hair is falling out, but I look fabulous. No one knows I wear a wig unless I tell them. The wigs are a decent price (please don't think you have to pay $500-$1,500 for a wig).
I know what it is like to switch gears in front of women who (sounds like to me) bullying you. I would suggest you try out the wigs. I see my old (catty, awful) colleagues and they stare with their mouths open when they see me. I think they think that I look FANTASTIC and they are jealous. They don't realize I am wearing a wig. Ha ha ha.
I find my wig is like my armour now from mean girls because I felt very vulnerable with my real hair. And I don't get bugged or bullied anymore from girls in general (like I did before), even if the girls know I wear a wig, they leave me alone, because they don't really know what I look like without it on (even though when I work-out at noon, I wear a ball cap and they see that I don't have long blonde hair).
I hope this makes sense. I hope I have helped in some small way.
Take care of your good self. Sounds like the environment is toxic.
Jean

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Permalink Reply by Heather on October 6, 2013 at 6:57pm

Yeah, thanks for your reply. I felt a bit attacked, and thought it was self righteous. Yes, you got it. I'm looking for a to feel okay with this, if that's possible. Thinking taking some time off might help. I was just wondering if anyone else had done this. Is it so crazy? It's not like I'm just going to sit here. I plan on going to meditation, ridding the stress from my life and perhaps go to therapy again. Thanks for understanding.

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Permalink Reply by Jean88 on October 6, 2013 at 7:09pm

Hi Heather,

I would look for another job,

I would take time off,

I would look at wigs from an esteemed wig shop that offers compassionate service (not crazy wig shops that are in the malls),

I would try out a wig (whether you order online or go to a wig shop),

I would buy a wig,

I would get adjusted to a wig and practice wearing it,

And get ready to start a new life!

(And in the meantime, I would seriously look for another job.)(I changed jobs from when I was getting bullied, and it saved my life)

(sometimes being reasonable (i.e being brave; or telling people you have Alopecia at work) in front of unreasonable people just doesn't make sense, and exiting the scene does).

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