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Having those bad days again
I am 35yo female married with 2 kids.....going bald. Feeling sorry for myself these past 2 days.... usually it seems about once or twice a year I fall into a deep depression and start to hate myself, the way I look and dont feel good enough for those around me, unloveable and ugly. and then there is the good ol woe is me......why do I do this to myself? I hate feeling this way....I hate looking this way.....
I dont know how to get rid of these feelings, as at times they go away but not completley, just to lay dormant in the back of my mind, until something bad happens in my life and it comes out again, like a wound that u cover with a bandaid that seems to never fully heal....I cant wash these feelings away about myself!!! I dont feel pretty like other women, and most of all my husband doesnt understand...which at times causes conflict in our marriage. Just feeling lost today and filled with sadness.....why me.................................depressed...xoxoxoxo ANdrea
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Kteacher on
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Hey Andrea,
I wanted to take a minute to write to you because I wanted you to know you're not alone! I am almost the same as you... 32, 2 kids, married and feel sad all the time about my hair. Then, I feel guilty for feeling so sad about it. I have 2 beautiful little girls, a wonderful husband, and a career. But, I have this PROBLEM! I have diffuse thinning of my hair, diagnosed as alopecia areata. Today I saw a friend that I hadn't seen in a long time and she asked me if I was going through chemo. I'm not sure why, but it hurt me so much to hear her say that! My assistant principal also told me that people have started to pray for me at work. I appreciate the kindness, but it does hurt because I know people are really starting to notice how horrible I look, and it makes me feel really sad. I'm used to having a full head of thick, pretty, curly hair. Now, I look sick and ugly, and it's so hard! Some days I start to panic about going to work because I'm afraid of what people might say about me, or to me. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your feelings. But, like Aimee mentioned, don't let yourself get too far down. Remember you have such a wonderful life with your little ones. Beauty lies on the inside, and I know it's hard to remember, trust me! But, I do try to remember that and it helps by reading some of these stories. Have you been having better days recently? :)
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Permalink Reply by George Ortiz on
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Permalink Reply by MaddiiBoo on
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I think we all have those days. You're right the wound never goes away. At times, I feel great and forget that I have Alopecia but then other times it's all I can think about. But I allow myself to feel down. I know suppressing my feelings won't fix anything. I'll cry about it for a couple of days and then I tell myself, I am doing everything I can to fix myself, and maybe something will work. It always helps me to talk to my fiance about how I'm feeling. Just knowing someone cares and loves me with or without hair really helps. Just remind yourself that your kids and husband still love you and that you're worthy of love. And I know what you mean about how you don't think your husband doesn't understand. No one understands until they go through it, but like Aimee said as long as he is supportive. That's what I tell myself when I feel like my guy doesn't understand. It's not happening to him but his support is his effort to understand my pain. Which for me is enough.
Hope you feel better soon. I'm here if you ever need a (virtual) shoulder to cry on.
Hang in there beautiful.
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Permalink Reply by christy murphy on
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Andrea, I have the same feelings and thoughts. As a matter of fact, I've been crying all morning because the last strands of my eyebrows have now fallen out. I hate looking in the mirror. I think we need to feel our feelings, and we need to talk to people who truly understand what we are going through. Just know you are not alone! I've been crying all morning, feeling sorry for myself!
xoxxo...Love and Light to you Andrea!
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Permalink Reply by Jules on
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I really feel for you and understand completely what you are saying. Don't feel bad for feeling bad. Allow yourself to feel bad and cry, it is all part of this ongoing condition. I guess the important thing is to have strategies in place to get yourself out of the really low spots. For me I go shopping and buy something really expensive and beautiful! Jewellery of a piece of clothing :-) I also run every day and it is the best medicine to clear your head. Remember your husband and kids clearly love you as you are. Virtual hug! X
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