Alopecia World
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Hope
I was diagnosed with AA about five years ago right at the end of my senior year at a private snooty high school in Pakistan. When I told my high school boyfriend that I had alopecia he broke up with me after two years just because I had a condition and wasn't the girl with the beautiful hair that he had met before. Luckily for me my parents moved me back home to Connecticut right after high school ended and I was with a group of friends who were very accepting two of them even went wig shopping with me and even bought pieces that they would occasionally wear when we went out. However, when I moved to Florida for school I was in for a huge shock. My mom insisted that we socialize with other Pakistani people that she knew in the area. Even though I was born in Miami, Fl I had not seen these people in a really long time and did not realize how cruel they were. One thing you have to understand about my culture is that people generally love other peoples misery, Well its sort of unfair to say that about a whole culture but it is my experience that every Pakistani women I have met has been extremely nosy about my condition the only times I have been asked if I was wearing a wig was by my moms Pakistani friend's mother who being an older individual should have had the decency to respect my privacy but instead asked if I had been born bald or did I have bad genes...rude. Another instance I had was with rude girls at the mosque that I went to for someones funeral where I saw girls who I hadn't seen for years start a rumor about how I had no hair, to take it a step further one girl even pretended to be my friend and then one day tugged at my wig to see if it really was a wig. My mom told me that they were just jealous that I looked good and had a perfect hair day every day when they didn't. That however was not the case, I went to high school with a bunch of mean girls but let me tell you these particular group of girls were the nastiest ones I have ever met. They spread rumors about the fact that I had a contagious disease on social networks to a point where no one wanted to associate with me. I couldn't get over the fact that all of this happened because I wore a wig and didn't wan to tell people them about it.
I told my mom that I wouldn't be associating with Pakistani people from then onwards, I hate to how this sounds but believe me it was only Pakistani girls that were making my life miserable. No one else had ever asked me about my wig infact a lot of my friends complemented my hair. After taking a couple of years to build up my self esteem I finally started dating this amazing guy that I met at school for the first nine months we dated I wore a lace front which I would sew in to my hair so he didnt have a clue that I wore a wig only that i wore extensions. One day we were talking about our deepest secrets and I told him mine he didn't believe me so I took off my wig and showed him. The look on his face was one of shock but in a good way, he told me that in his eyes I was ten times more beautiful then I had been before I took my wig of, and it was because I was brave enough to show him the real me. We have been together almost a year now, and I don't feel the need to wear a sew in anymore since I don't think it was helping my alopecia I just wear a regular wig for when we go out and when we are at home together I don't have my wig on. Oh and as for those mean nasty girls we ran in to two of them at the mall the other day and one of them had the need to tell him "I hope you know that the girl you are with is deceiving you she doesn't have hair she's bald and ugly.." and the answer he gave made me fall in love with him all over again he said
"She's a hundred times more beautiful then you are and at least she can cover up her little patch of alopecia if she wants to, but there isn't enough money in the world to get you a new personality, you're ugly inside and out and with that attitude you are gonna end up miserable and alone while she will always have me in her life, so I suggest you stop deceiving you're self and realize that if anyone is ugly here it's you."
I'm proud to have such an amazing person in my life and I though I would share this to give anyone who is being bullied about their wig or alopecia a little hope, that even though there are some people out there who are ignorant enough to make fun of our appearance and what we do to cover it up there are other people who will love us for who we are.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Meekoo on
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Thank you :) its because of him that I now have the confidence to just rock out my wig when I'm in public and not really care if people do stare.
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Permalink Reply by MaddiiBoo on
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I'm Pakistani too and because of everything you just said I have not told a single soul about my Alopecia. I am currently in Pakistan and you're right people are really nosy. Thank goodness I'm already done with school and don't have to worry about mean girls. The only people that know are my immediate family and my best friend and fiance. I totally know where you're coming from. Desi people feed off the misery of others, but I've noticed that they always get what's coming to them. Don't be bothered by those silly girls. They have no idea what having serious problems means, just keep your head up and do you!
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You know I just read an article that Pakistani people have some of the highest rates of alopecia in the world theres a village called Chakwal where most of the people have AU the children are born with it, considering this I can not believe how nosy Pakistani aunties are...they feed of off other peoples misery and just need a topic to gossip about. Its really good to know someone else aside from my family thats desi and can understand me I can't even imagine being in Pakistan right now and dealing with this condition I give you a lot of props for dealing with it over there, I'm going back in december to visit my family and though most of them were there when my hair fell out and it is a lot better now I'm still going to wear a wig while I'm there because I've just gotten so used to having a nice luxurious hair but I'm dreading to like see all of my school friends because and other extended family members. I think you are the bravest person I know living their with this condition I'm gonna keep you in my prayers and InshAllah both of our conditions and the conditions of everyone with alopecia is going to get better.
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Thanks! I can't wait to come back. I started wearing hijab when my hair started falling out so Alhumdulillah a lot of people have no idea about my condition and I wear a wig around extended family. The hardest part is creating eyebrows! I just cannot wait to get out of here. The key is being confident and rocking your wig or scarf or what have you. If you're confident people won't have the courage to question you. I just can't get over how mean people are though, especially women. I've been through desi folks talking crap about me for ages and I just don't understand why? They revel in the misery of others and will do anything to destroy another's happiness. I'm glad you've found someone who helps you feel better about yourself, because you sure as hell deserve it!
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Aww thanks and I know exactly what you mean about desi women they are crazy but I think they are secretly miserable with themselves and frustrated with their lives thats why they tend to be so mean, I just thank Allah that whatever condition I have at least I am happy with myself and my family is supportive. As for the eyebrows have you thought about permanent makeup, depending on where you live I think that's available in pakistan too, I lived in Karachi and I know someone who had it done it looked great and they had them done locally. I'm going to dm you my email and email if you ever need to talk about it us desi girls have to stick together and maybe just maybe one day we can help educate other paki people about this condition and make them realize that we arent that much different then them.
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I'm in Islamabad. I'm gonna look into it when I get back home (just here preparing for my wedding). I was thinking of ordering the glue on ones but I'm afraid that either the tattoo or the glue on will damage the hair that is growing back.
I just dont wanna have drawn on eyebrows on my shadi! And we should definitely keep in touch. Where in the US are you?I'm from So Cal!
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hmm I would talk to you're derm about if that would damage you're eyebrows aww congrats on you're wedding i'm happy for you. I tried looking for how to inbox you I can't figure it out on this website so inbox me if you can but I'm from South Florida
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Permalink Reply by smiling on
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I bought some silicone glue-on ones from an Australian company. They were really great when I had no hair, but when it started growing back it was a bit of a pain to get them off, as the glue sticks to hair better than to skin. I don't think it does much damage though as long as you don't try to rip them off and wait a couple of days for the glue to become less adhesive. Really recommend them for when you have zero hair!
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I am so sorry for you....African-American are equally mean, so I understand how you are feeling.
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