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How do I accept my hair loss as ALL MY FAULT?
I am coming to terms that I did not address my hair loss and now it's too late to do anything but wear a wig. I ignored my health care and am obese. I tried dieting but always yoyo up and down. Didn't get regular physicals and now I ruined my life. In the last 2 years, lost so much of my hair (and so much more in the last 12 months) I couldn't see it, face it and now I am wearing a full wig. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, no one to blame but me. How am I going to live with myself? Could I have prevented my hair loss? Or would I ended up balding anyway, just a few years later then now? I am so ashamed of myself and wonder how am I going to accept that I did this to myself. Why did I not love myself enough to address my baldness?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by purplemainst on
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Ladies, you are so wonderful to me, but at this point, this is how I feel. I know something is not right with me that caused this baldness, but I still struggle very much with my own actions. I lived a pretty normal life, no major health issues (except now this) Genetically, I will never be a thin person, but I have been thinner than now but never "thin". I accepted the reality of those genetics long ago and made a pretty ok life for myself. Now I feel on the verge of losing it all.
Purchased a nice wig yesterday (HH, high end) It's beautiful, but I hate it.It's too much.
I need a more subdued wig. But I know I am not ready to wear them yet. I have such an anxiety attack yesterday, which only happened once before when we learned my father was in his last days. I have medical doctor appointments next week. Dreading to be told a) nothing can help b) well just deal with it fat girl. My poor mother endured lymphedema for most of her life and now at age 75 we finally found a doctor who is helping her manage her condition and told her it's not because she was obese. Also trying to find psychological support, but other then an ER, Sunday afternoon is not the most convenient time to have a total breakdown. My dear sister came and helped me stabilize. But this morning, I call feel the anxiety building already. I am trying to take steps to be more productive about the situation, but so far, every step taken, except this site, has not made me feel as if I am making progress, so I end up freaking out. Praying for miracle to help me accept my fate.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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When you say that you KNOW that "something is not right with you to cause this baldness", the same is true for all of us. NONE of us can do a darn thing about it. As for the wig being 'too much', that is probably true. Paying a lot for it doesn't mean that it will be the right wig for you but for starters, take it to your stylist and get it cut and thinned until it looks natural for you. This will help you to look in the mirror and see the person you are used to. A certain amount of anxiety is normal when you first start to deal with alopecia. We've all been there. I DID go see a shrink when I was first diagnosed. I got it in perspective fairly quickly when a tragedy occurred (Pan Am 103) and I lost friends and colleagues. That helped me to see that my hair was a very small issue in the scheme of things.
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Hi Debbi, Thanks. I know in the grand scheme of life, alopecia has it's place and in my logicial mind, I understand this. The emotional side is reeling. I know dealing with grief can take years and it's a road I have to travel. Just freaking out that I have to travel it. Greater tragedies happen every day. I working on surviving. Only you folks understand the deep pain, while everyone else is looking for you to fix it. Doesn't seem like this one can be fixed. I am tired and feel weak not able to fight the fight. Just want to retreat to my bed and sleep, but sleep is not easy to come by. And if I don't get it together, I will lose everything. Working on taking this one step at a time.
Thanks again for all the words of wisdom.
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Permalink Reply by paula on
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please realize that there are 6 month old babies and 95 year old women who suddenly come down with alopecia. this is not your fault, of course, out health can affect us, but there is no cause for alopecia, let alone a cure.
when i came down with it, i was 28, training for a half marathon, happily engaged, and in wonderful health.
alopecia is not a blame game. i suggest getting some counseling and allowing yourself to be happy and learn to accept this condition. it takes time. but you must learn to love yourself. there are so many worse things that can happen to us, and once you put that into perspective, you will learn to cope. it is a slow process, but it is very do-able. stay in touch with those of us who have gone through what you are going through. you are far from being alone, and sharing stories is very therapeutic. good luck to you. it will be ok, i promise you that.
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Permalink Reply by Gail on
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I started losing my hair back in 2003-2004, first in small round patches, then in large clumps. By 2009, I was wearing a full wig because I could no longer cover up or disguise the bald spots. I still wear a wig today. I had all the typical treatments - injections, topical. They worked for a bit, then did not.
BUT - I am slim, very healthy, athletic, do marathons and triathlons, and my only health problem is a very mild case of hypothyroid. I take the same level of Synthoid today as I did 15 years ago when diagnosed. I attribute my initial and subsequent hair loss to SEVERE stress combined with the beginning of menopause. The stress was caused by a bad marriage and what can you do about menopause? Nothing. I am well past menopause and I got out of that bad marriage in pretty short order, but my hair loss has not changed. I get periods of a little regrowth, but then it falls out again.
So. Your obesity will definitely affect your health in many ways, but did it cause your hair loss? Who knows. Remember that alopecia is an autoimmune disorder and the medical community does not even know why it happens. If obesity truly did cause alopecia, 50% of our population would have it. The vast majority of overweight people with a head full of thick hair, so there is no direct correlation that I can see.
Yes, losing your hair sucks. I was an absolute basket case and hermit when I first started wearing a wig. My self esteem plummeted and it took 2-3 years for me to get to a place of acceptance. I "accept" it now, but still do not like it, however I do not let it limit my life.
Take care of your health issues. Do what you can to lose the weight, exercise, eat healthily. Will all that make your hair grow back? Nobody knows, but take care of the other things and even if your hair does not come back, you will feel better about yourself in general.
This is a journey. The majority of us have a hard time emotionally in the beginning, but you will get through it.
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Good advice Gail - ditto all the way.
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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Great advice, Gail, and what a great wig you're wearing in your photo-- if that IS one...I really can't tell. You look wonderful.
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you did not do this to yourself. Alopecia occurs when the body turns against itself. Other types of hair loss have a distinct cause, but true Alopecia does not. Nothing you could have done to prevent it, if you were meant to have it. After all, i was only 8 years old, the first time, i had it. that could not have been my fault. It happened fast and nothing could have been done. It happened again in my 20's, Lost all my hair in less than 3 months. came back in 5 years. I was not over weight, or eating improperly. It just happens. I lost it all again 4 years ago. Again I ate healthy, exercised everyday and took care of my self. So stop beating yourself up about this. You did not cause this to happen to you. All types of people get this, fat , thin, young, old, healthy and unhealthy. No one knows the actual reason, the body chooses to rid itself of hair. There is always hope that it will return, but don't let that thought dominate your life. It is only hair. Live your life to the fullest. Of course you should eat right and get healthy, but do it because you want to, It will have no effect on whether your hair comes back or not. but it might make you feel better. You have Alopecia, but it doesnot have you.
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Permalink Reply by Navee on
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It is not your fault! I can't believe you would even think that, when I first got alopecia it was in 2011 and it was a small spot that grew to other larger areas. Sure I had the same feelings you did about it but after speaking to many professionals, I knew this was spmething that I could not have controlled. I am perfectly healthy. Get counselling from someone and don't let it control your life because once you do it'll just keep taking away from you. Be comfortable and open about it with the people around you, educate them, so that they know what you are going through and you'll find out who you can really trust and keep in your life at this point. I've learnt a lot over the last two years and I know worrying could potentially make it worse by the stress you induce. It will all be okay.
-Navee
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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You do not need to accept the fact that your hairloss is all your fault because it's not. It's happened to all of us, and none of us are to blame. Don't accept the blame, just accept the Alopecia.
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Permalink Reply by ShinySpot on
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Never blame it on yourself, never!!! Mine is due to my stress and probably my hypothyroidism, but I have never blamed my Alopecia Universalis on myself. It's who I am and it can take a long time to realize you are beautiful with your new look. All you can do from here on out is be pro-active, take care of yourself and be as healthy as you can for yourself, which is never too late!!
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Dear All, I am trying to take the steps, but so far all the steps taken have thrown me into a total breakdown, Hair that is left is coming out fast and furious. Am so afraid of making more wrong choices,(wrong doctors, wrong therapists, wrong wigs)
I am going to become healthier. Skinny and a marathon runner, no, but I will be healthier. Still cannot accept this hair loss, and don't know how to do this. I know each and everyone of you did it and I can see you are all living full lives. For me, I just want to hide for the rest of my life.
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