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How do I accept my hair loss as ALL MY FAULT?
I am coming to terms that I did not address my hair loss and now it's too late to do anything but wear a wig. I ignored my health care and am obese. I tried dieting but always yoyo up and down. Didn't get regular physicals and now I ruined my life. In the last 2 years, lost so much of my hair (and so much more in the last 12 months) I couldn't see it, face it and now I am wearing a full wig. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, no one to blame but me. How am I going to live with myself? Could I have prevented my hair loss? Or would I ended up balding anyway, just a few years later then now? I am so ashamed of myself and wonder how am I going to accept that I did this to myself. Why did I not love myself enough to address my baldness?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by LittleRhody on
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Don't beat yourself up. After watching a video of a woman with Alopecia she said there was "no cause and no cure". It is not your fault. If you have gained weight it just probably because you are depressed. I can relate to that. I have also gained weight during my hair loss. It is not to late to get healthy. I myself am coming to terms with this same situation. I just keep telling myself that hair is only a vanity thing. Not a necessity. My friends and family will still love me for me. I am the same person. If you have not visited a wig shop yet you should. I had visited one not long ago. I did not buy one yet, but just seeing what they had made me feel better. They have real hair wigs and one of the wigs looked just like my own real hair. Don't give up hope. Keep talking to everyone on this website. We are all here to support one another. Good luck and I am always here if you want to talk.
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Permalink Reply by purplemainst on
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Thank you for your message. I hear every word and agree. But I just don't feel it yet. It's such a painful experience. I feel so helpless and in just plain dispair. Trying to let go but this is just too new for me. I have been walking around with this bald head not acknowledging it and I didn't feel any pain. Now that I have looked how bad it had gotten, I feel hopeless. I have no hair or little hair from from my ears forward. It's dreadful. Can't even believe this can happen to a women. I am sorry not to have had more compassion for men going through this too. How do you start the acceptance? Any tips?
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Permalink Reply by Neil on
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I would imagine that from where you are feeling better about your situation is a journey. Don't be discouraged if you can't sit down and come to all the logical conclusions then suddenly feel great. If you are in a habit of feeling a certain way it will take time to change your frame of reference and realize that you have as much value as anyone else. In my opinion you need to free yourself from society's judgements of your value because society is not omniscient and it's values are transitory. You need to learn to value yourself and your own life. Be confident in your abilities and work on your weaknesses. I will be honest, since I am a man the effects of alopecia are not as severe as with a woman. But, appearance is only one of the ways we are all different from one another. Just like with appearance this diversity should be valued. If you can find the trigger for your alopecia that's great, but in the meantime don't let the condition depress you. Depression is a much worse condition than baldness.
With respect to the blame issue, there is very little that happens in anyone's life that is entirely their fault. The blame game is a waste of time in my opinion. Don't dwell on the blame but instead dwell on what you can do to improve your health, state of mind, etc. Meditation techniques and positive visualization are very powerful in this regard.
With respect to the alopecia specifically, I have found improvements with diet (specifically eliminating gluten) but I believe that the causes are not the same for everyone. If you spend some time exploring this site you will find other things (like onion juice) that have caused hair regrowth. Be patient and informed in all that you do and you should have good results.
A healthy diet and exercise seem like work but as they become habit they will become easier. Everyone can benefit from living as close as we can to how we were designed (have evolved) to live as we can in this modern society of ours, alopecian or not.
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Permalink Reply by willow on
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wow....look at all these reply's such caring and love Give yourself a gift, and read Boldly Bald Women it will help you understand Blessings
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Permalink Reply by LaShay on
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So many people have already commented about how losing your hair isnt your fault, so I won't go over that again. But I wanted to share my store with you because I KNOW your pain! The first time I suffered from Alopecia I was 15. Little spots would come and go. I found ways to cover it with hair pieces and carefully combed hair. I calmed my nerves over the years by telling myself that at its worst I would go bald and have to wear a wig. I had 25 years years to come to terms with this seemingly inevitable experience. In 2012, it began to get particularly bad, so I began seeing a dermatologist for treatments. Unfortunately, the treatments did not work and within a few months, not only was I completely bald, but ALL the hair on my body fell out. I was so devastated!! I was somewhat prepared for the wigs, but no eyebrows or eyelashes nearly floored me. Like you, I was almost frozen with fear and I absolutely did not know what to do or how to begin. It was the first time in my life that anything had completely rocked my self confidence. I've always been an optimistic person, but I tried to crawl under my bed and stay there. Eventually, I got angry and I started doing research online. I prayed and I picked one friend that I knew wore wigs and told her what I was dealing with. She helped me through the wig buying process and the National Alopecia Areata Foundation website led me to make up and eyelashes (I'd never worn either before). Everyday I am still learning to cope with this. I'm better with my wigs than I was in the beginning and I've gotten the makeup thing down, so its a no-brainer these days. I am still a work in progress, however, because some days I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack! I can say that the initial terror and depression subsided when I did something. Calling my friend and confiding in her...she made me believe that everything was going to be OK. You've already made the first step by reaching out to this support group. Go in a few wig stores and ask a bunch of questions and try on a few wigs. (I go when the store first opens when there are less people.) Also, look at head wraps, hats and scarves. I was and still am amazed at how much information is out here. Its a bit overwhelming for me right now, but I'm learning a little more everyday. I may not ever have hair again, but one day real soon, I am going to look in the mirror and be completely happy with what I see. I pray that you will too one day.
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Thank you for sharing and for the prayers. I need them.
My panic attacks happen after I try to do something about my hair loss and things don't go well. I feel good taking the action, feel good about decisions. Then when I put them in practice is when the anxiety and panic attacks happen. Nothing is working out.
As for wigs, is there any wig that doesn't have soooo much hair. All the wigs I have seen have tremendous quantities of hair. This makes me so much more self conscious because even in my best hair years, it was never that thick. Are welted wigs cooler?
Thank you for sharing your story and experiences, I would be TOTALLY lost without you all
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Permalink Reply by Ann Watkins on
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Dear Purple:
I understand the feelings you have but you should know that by blaming yourself, it is a way of trying to exert control of the situation. In fact, we have no control over losing our hair, so there is no reason to blame ourselves. Listen to the suggestions given by the other people in this discussion. You might find something to help you. At any rate, you know that you are among friends.
Ann
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Hello Ann, Other's have also mentioned the control issue. I am thinking about that. Part of me really wants to embrace it as not something I could control, however, I am learning about others who did take action earlier and they aren't anywhere near where I a with baldness.
However, on the other hand, those others don't have my genetic make up so I guess it's going to be an unanswered question of would things been different. I will work on the control issue.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Many of us tried to 'take action'. It didn't change a thing and we are still bald. The other thing to remember is that some 'actions' taken by some people weren't actually responsible for hair returning. Your type of loss is different from AA. AA spontaneously grows back 98% of the time with no action at all. Especially when it is just a spot or two. You can DO something and it might grow back or you can do NOTHING and it might also grow back. I have rarely seen anyone with androgenic alopecia who got their hair back. It is most likely a genetic condition about which you have NO control. I seriously doubt that anything would have been different. You need to let it go as it is what it is now and today is a new day. You are right to work on this and try to release any residual feelings you have of mistakes you made. I don't think you did.
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Thank you Debbi Working on it. I want to let it go and move one, but I am also feeling the pressure of the expectations of others who do think this is something I could of controlled I have been praying for the strength to stand up to these comments, expectations. If I had taken an action earlier, could I had slowed the progression. This seems to be the case, based on what I have been researching.
That is what is killing me. I understand this is a genetic issue, and my hair has been falling for quite some time, It always seemed to grow back, and now it's not.
Don't ask me why I thought it was a miracle that I still had hair despite the amounts that would come out of me, but I just thought that was a normal thing for me and as long as I hair up there, I could continue as is. I used to see new hairs coming back, so never really worried. I know my genetics is not my fault, but the lying to myself is my fault. It doesn't mean I wouldn't be bald now, but I do have SERIOUS regrets and trying to come to terms with it. The pain is tremendous to think I could of postponed this.
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Hi,
I did this to myself, I ruined my own life because of the denial.
My only hope now is to hang onto the hair I have and live with headbands, scarves. And have a decent wig for job interview and occasions.
Please pray for me not to punish myself forever and to keep what is left.
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Honey, do not punish yourself. My daughter ignored her falling hair and did not get help till it was too late for her also. I stood by and watched it happen and we just did not know what to do. Doctors did not help and by time we found the right doctors it is very late in the game. She is still losing hair and we are thinking about wigs. I am sure you are in the same boat. The AA people have no control over theirs, but I understand that Androgenic Alopecia MAY be helped somewhat. But NOT for everyone and for only so long. There is a forum called Womens Hairloss Project and on that most of the women have taken all the drugs and tried everything but it did not cure them. Most are in wigs and they have some tips for finding and wearing wigs.
If you have Androgenic Alopecia there is very little that can be done. You may have PCOS which contributes to hairloss. My daughter has taken metformin, spironolactone, lost weight, exercised, lower carb eating. Guess what? NO HELP AT ALL. She is afraid to try Rogaine for fear more hair will fall out, but if we find a thin wig she will wear she may try the Rogaine. It is just our destiny and we have to suck it up and move forward. My mom is bald, I have very thin hair, both of my daughters are very thin or starting to bald. It is devastating, but we only have this one life on earth and we deserve the same happiness as everyone else. You need a support group for Androgenic Alopecia girls. Try Heralopecia and the Women' Hairloss Project. Lots of support there. Even doctor recommendations. This is different from AA Or AU.
I say this with love and caring......it is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. This is like a runaway train you cannot get off of. Do not let it ruin your life !!! Do not ! You did NOT ruin your life. You have genetics that you cannot get away from. I understand your angst but you will survive and be happy again. I will pray for you.
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