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How do you deal
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Return_life on
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Believe it or not this is life. Nobody can understand what is your journey, the emotions. .. roller coaster... nobody except another alopecians. Don't be too mad at your family for this. I know it's bad and crushes you inside but they are not kind on this matter that's all. Alopecians got to be very very strong. And what you wrote is only one of the reason why we gotta be. It's not only the social, the career and dating life... it's everywhere even family. Stay strong
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Permalink Reply by Jordan on
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Thank you so much . You're so right. That phrase has begin to bring me more peace than anything. "That's Life" helps me to get straight to a happy solution.
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Permalink Reply by Toxicmosquitoaf on
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I believe that if they don't accept you, then you should find a new environment. Thats hard tho, but what do you want me to say. Its the truth. I know it aint easy to go from where you are to the new circle of influence. Yep I feel you, I really do, I get it. But what do you want me to do, what do you want me to tell you to accept the life that you have been given. Do you want me to tell you to give up, do you want me to tell you to quit, is that what you want me to say? Listen to me, I can't tell you that but what I can tell you is this. That I did it. Look I used two thing. I know it ain't easy, I have been there I have done that. It wasn't easy for me to get to where I am now, I used two things and two things only. One, my mind. I visioned getting my self out, and two, my heart. And you can't measure that. Yap, you heard me and you cant measure that! So listen to me, im not about to tell you can quit im not about to tell that you gonn keep that cycle going. I am gonn' to tell you, you can break that cycle. So listen to me, you can get in the new circle of influence, you can, you can get to another level. But its gonna take two things. Are you hear me, I got here from my mind, and I visioned it. I saw myself one day being where I am right now. I don't care where you are. Use what you got to get what you want. Use your mind, use your vision.
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I've had alopecia since I was in second grade (I guess that's 9 or 10?), and I'm 53 now, so I've had AA for over 40 years. How have I dealt with it? I hide it. My mother was told by the dermatologist that my hair would never grow, and that I should consider wearing a wig, so that's how it began. Thankfully it happened at the end of the school year between second and third grade, so I had the summer to find a wig and for her to concoct an elaborate story about how I went from a thin, short, pixie cut to thick, luxurious curls to my shoulder in three months. (In short, "it grew" - REALLY BIG AIR QUOTES. :P) And thus began the long, elaborate dance to keep my condition a secret for the rest of my life. My mother had alopecia as well, so I can imagine that I was a major disappointment. So how did I deal with that and get through the landmine that is childhood and adolescence? I developed other skills. I learned how to deflect conversation about my hair - whenever girls would talk about hair styles, I would either leave the group or get them off the topic. My closest friends didn't know, and they still don't. My husband knew, and yet he still loved me. (I say loved because I'm now a widow. I know he still loves me from the other side, though.) He's the only one beside my mother who knew (not even my father knew - I was forbidden to tell him), and both my husband and parents are gone now. I've toyed with the idea of finally coming out to my close friends about it, but I go back and forth - particularly when I get a glimpse of myself without my hair. The other day I was switching to my new unit and I had just gotten out of the shower from bathing and shaving what hair I had from my head to get ready to attach my new unit. Sorry, but the response wasn't empowerment - I felt like an unattractive freak. SO, won't be coming out to anybody anytime soon about the thing on my head. :(
SO, how do I deal? I hide it. I avoid and camoflouge (sp?) as best I can, and I've gotten good at it, if I should say so myself. I works for me.
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Wow I appreciate you because you show that whatever choice I choose to go about handling this is ok. For years my family or friends whenever I'd try to share an issue of something and how my hair trauma had much to do with it, they'd always put me under this pressure about " you have to tell people, you have to be upfront" as if it's the only way my problems will be solved. Then I remember, they don't know how it feels to be in my shoes, so what they feel is best from their perspective of the situation may not be for me. For a long time your method has worked for me as well which helps me feel I'm actually okay.
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You're welcome! I've decided that I get to determine how vulnerable I want to make myself, and to whom. With my husband it was the ultimate litmus test, but I have to tell you, I was terrified that he would think I was some kind of freak, and wouldn't love me. You get to decide who you want to know and if you want them to. HTH!
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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It's only able to control your life as long as you try to hide it. If you want to wear a wig that's fine. But you need to all to people about it. Stop hiding it and start talking to your friends. It will get easier to talk to others about it after talking to your friends. You can't hide this without hiding your whole life. Don't let it do that to you. Take charge of your life don't be ashamed of something you had nothing to do with.
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I've done very well hiding for over 40 years. Whether I **need** to tell people about it or not, Tom is debatable. I need water to live; I don't need to tell people whether or not I wear a wig. Not disclosing that isn't hiding my whole life.
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What I'm saying is that when your hiding your condition from everyone you will have to avoid some of the good things in life. I didn't mean you should tell everyone. But if you plan on making new friendships you will have to tell those people. If they don't like you because your wearing a wig because of a condition then you don't want them around anyway. You will be surprised how many people don't care and will like you for who you are.
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Why? It's none of their business what I have on my head or don't. I've managed to enjoy many good things in life without having to announce to the whole world, "HEY! I WEAR A WIG!!" I've made new friendships in the over 40 years I've had AA and have had to wear wig and I have not told a one of those friends about my condition or that I wear a wig. If you want to do that, then that's you. However I choose to handle it or the original poster chooses to handle it - NOT making it everybody's business - is our choice and our business.
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