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How do you get to the acceptance part?
This hair loss thing (AGA) is sapping the life out of me. I have turned into a grumpy, sobbing hermit.
How do you get through this?
How do you get through this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Crazy Horse on
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One day -- you suddenly realize that the one thing that was making you crazy -- nuts -- no hair -- this strange, unexplainable disease -- was exactly the one thing that MAKES YOU SPECIAL, UNIQUE -- WONDERFUL -- different from other people -- VERY, VERY UNIQUE AND WONDERFUL !!! -- and you smile at your GREAT CHARACTER AND REALIZE HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE !! :) :) -- THAT THERE IS NOBODY QUITE LIKE YOU -- AND IT IS WONDERFUL. It feeds all of your amazing talents and creativity.
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Permalink Reply by Kathy S on
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Through lots and lots of support of family, friends and the beautiful members of Alopecia World.
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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Sorry to hear you're having so much pain. I was in pretty bad shape for awhile, but I'm past it. Yeah, I'd prefer to have hair again. But, I've moved on. Life is too short. Please check out my blogs and photos. You might find something that helps you.
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Permalink Reply by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on
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True enough....read a book on grieving, and its all there. one step at a time and with no time limit.
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Yes, it's grieving ...it's a loss. You have to allow yourself time to do that.
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Permalink Reply by Natalie on
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hi,
i find it really hard and actually i'm not sure if i'll ever get to acceptance. i definitely havent yet, i am not sure i'll ever give up hope that my hair will grow back, or i'll find some magic diet/pill/cure for this. when it first started i was obsessed about it, i couldnt get past thinking about it, from morning to night. i spent hours on the internet searching for cures, i spent hundreds at naturopaths, i nagged my doctor, i saw a dermatologist for injections and steroids that made me angry and aggressive. then i'd go to bed and dream about it, dream i grew eyebrows and i'd wake up happy, only to find that cruelest of cliche story endings...it was just a dream...
and then i started to think about it in other ways, i heard stories of young mums with cancer and i thought my disease wasn't so bad after all. i started to think that i'd rather have no hair than no breasts... i started to see how superficial so much of our lives is and started to see past people's appearances and see the person inside....and i realised that people mostly think about themselves and dont really pay much attention to others and not many people notice i dont have eyebrows.
then i decided i really wanted to get on with having my much wanted third child (i started to lose my hair after the birth of my second) and so decided to come off all the medications, i fell pregnant straight away and within two months all my hair was nearly gone. but i had my little baby growing and i looked around and saw friends struggling to get pregnant on ivf for years and looked at my beautiful children and thought, i'd rather have them than my hair. And in no way do i say these things about people who are worse off with disrespect, in fact i say them with respect knowing hard hard it is to manage alopecia and not beginning to imagine how hard it must be for people with serious prblems.
and so, in small ways i just started to feel ok or a bit better about my hair loss. It is not easy but there are ways to think less about it and focus on the good things you have in life. and if you let it wreck the good parts of your life, it will win. it will have taken all the good bits of your life and only left you with the bad.
on the practical side, having my wig helped enormously. instead of hiding under a hat and feeling i couldnt go out at night etc eventually i found the strength to put it on - a huge acceptance step for me - and i was overwhelmed by how much better i felt. i felt like me again, instead of a cowering shy person. it was so nice.
and now i wear it and i have days where i dont think about it at all! thats about as good as it gets, isnt it? my life is fun and fine and my hair just isnt a problem really. i feel grateful i am well and i am happy i have my healthy kids. But i'm still lurking on alopecia world because of course it still affects me ;(.
so i hope that helps a bit. you are not alone in feeling just terrible about it, it is so awful. but everyone feels the same as you and i hope everyone gets there in the end and so will you.
natalie.
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I have had AU for 5 years now, and I too understand intellectually what I should be doing for acceptance, and sometimes I even pretend I have accepted my situation, but deep down I will probably never accept it. So I totally understand what you mean. I had a full head of hair until I was 35, so losing my hair has been a major shock for me. I don't let it stop me living life, I do everything I want to do, but that doesn't mean I have accepted I am bald. I have joined Alopecia groups, made a good friend with someone who had Alopecia (she has had full regrowth, that was hard to take) read self-help books, done yoga, meditated, had reflexology and homeothapy, and I still struggle with my alopecia. I do cope better with every day life, I do care less and less what people think as time goes by, but I still hurt inside for my loss. I also watch TV programs and read about people who are far far worse off than me, and I always think "well there are people far worse off than me" and I always think how brave those people are.
Do you know what though I am brave too, and so are you, and all the people who live with Alopecia. I go to a yoga class with no wig on, just a buff (headscarf type thing) and every week I have to brace myself before I go in the room, because if someone new has started the class, inevitably they will stare at me, one week someone actually asked me if I had cancer. Every week I feel like I am not going to go anymore because its too much hard work wondering who is going to see me without hair, I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone, but then I think no I am not going to let this thing stop me doing my yoga, which I love and makes me feel better. So you know every little achievement like that is a small act of bravery to me, and builds my self-esteem.
Its not acceptance but its a start, more of a "its not gonna beat me" attitude. So while I wait for acceptance which may or may not ever happen for me, I make do with my small acts of bravery on a day to day basis!
Sorry to ramble, but I hope you feel that I understand what you are getting at, what you are feeling, because I really do.
Best wishes Amanda x
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Permalink Reply by Christa M. on
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Dear grumpy hermit,
please have a look outside, there are folks loving you, accepting you, admiring you, kidding, if they don't know better, but however. You and your difference are missing outside! PLease please, we need you. Just to know that our own difference is as acceptable as yours!
Hugs
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When I read these stories I am grateful that I've managed to get to where I am, relatively unscathed.
I understand every sentiment about grieving, the anger, the diminished sense of self.
For what it's worth, my acceptance was, in part, down to control.
I decided that I wasn't going to wait for any more to fall out (hardly any left anyway) and just took control, and shaved.
That was day 1 of my rehab.
Once it was no longer a waiting game for the next patch, I just sat back and watched the eyebrows and the lashes all go away.
It was like Autumn. Quite serene actually!
But it was ok, because I was redefining myself, and my own view of myself.
Now I'm not saying there were no dark days since, but you know what, there's been fewer and fewer since I simply accepted this is the "new" me.
The old "me" is gone, and it's time to embrace the new.
Don't hold on to the old you needlessly. Take this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself!
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Permalink Reply by Kimberly on
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support groups like this help - focus on all the positives in your life - as someone else said, "it could always be worse" and remember it takes time to accept this as it is, and there are many emotions one goes through in order to get there - look for all the support you can -
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