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How do you handle the stares and comments of being a bald woman?
I've been bald for a year now,and I've actually received more compliments than rude comments and uncomfortable stares. How do you handle the attention?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Nat on
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HI Dorothy,
I agree with you when you say "Others just do not have the right bone structure, confidence or style for it.". Once, I tried to go bald and asked a friend to see in private and tell me how I looked. She definitively told me that it wouldn't be the right move. I also felt the same. It's about the confidence, the bone structure and the style. It's all about that. I wish I can have the confidence to go bald but I am still struggling with finding myself in the woman at stare at in the mirror. For many years, I was looking at a woman that I did not recognized. It was not me, it was not what I choose. I always look better with my hair and I really miss them. I miss going to the hairdresser. Before having scarring alopecia, I used to have my hair done once a week and over the weekend, I would try all kind of things. I miss my ponytail especially. I've been wearing wigs for almost 20 years now. I had many issues with finding my confidence ever since. No dating in years... I am 39 now and wondering if one day it'll finally happen for me. I retreated and isolated myself for years unable to understand why I was acting that way. It's only now that I am trying to go back to live a normal life. Life is going so fast and sometimes I feel like I've lost my best year to alopecia. I am glad to read others women's posts and how they look at alopecia. It's great to read you all. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Permalink Reply by Suzanne on
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I do not commend or criticize a person for their choice. One is not more or less brave for either wearing a wig or not. I don't hide my AT but I also wear a bonded hair system. I work with the public but my reasons are-I don't want to explain to everyone all day in my job or tell them I don't have cancer. Mainly I don't want to be known as "that bald woman" no matter how awesome I look bald (and I do) I prefer to be known as that redhead,or administrator, or whatever. I am not defined by my baldness. It is part of me, has contributed to who I am but is not the sum total of me. I am not less brave than someone who makes a different choice. We should never make each other think we must wear our beautiful bald heads as a badge of honor. We just make our choices on what is right for ourselves.
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Permalink Reply by Zimrie on
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What really irritates me is when people get preachy and tell me that I should "just go that way..." instead of using a scarf or wig. They get animated as if I didn't have any right to my opinion and make it look like I'm really dumb if I don't blindly do their bidding and go around with my head exposed in public.
The thing is that if I do not like being a non-person (which is what hair loss did to me) or if I don't like getting sunburned or attracting negative attention, then this is my right and my choice not someone else's.
The superior and insensitive comment, 'OKAY BE SELF-CONSCIOUS THEN," is one I had to see through and where I refuse to get brainwashed.
Being a bald female and going without any cover is in a category with disrobing and I notice their are some insensitive and conceited people who think you should be so far out of touch with your own feelings that your body does not even belong to you.
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Permalink Reply by Panja on
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I have had universalism for 2 years now and go what I call "topless" for a year now and have received soooooo many compliments and positive smiles. Just be you..... Once you make the first step it feels sooo good not to hide anymore and be "free" anybody staring at you is probably just wondering where we get the strengths from to go bald in public. I try to always find something positive about it and soon my friends and family hardly recognize me if I do wear a wig in some really cold restaurants. I encourage everybody to just try it ....... Soon you will find it normal.
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Permalink Reply by Vivian N on
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I've been bald for about 18 years and it hasn't been easy. I'm not comfortable sporting my bald look. I wear wigs and of course I get the stares anyway and rude comments about wearing wigs. I handle it by isolating myself.
I need the strength u have! Send some over.
By the way you are beautiful and brave.
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Wigs don't have to look like wigs. I have had AU for 1 1/2 years and I wear wigs all the time. I don't buy really expensive wigs (Usually $200-300) and I get MORE compliments on my hair now than I ever did when I had hair. I just make sure I get a monofilament top and order a color that has highlights. I also get synthetic because it is so much easier to take care of -at least that is what I have heard. I even have hairdressers that are shocked that I am wearing a wig. I have looked at wigs that are not monofilament and the top looks like a mess and definitely looks like a wig. I work in health care and one day I was arguing with a patient because he said he didn't have much hair. I told him I didn't either and he kept going on about how little he had (bald just on top) and I told him he shouldn't argue with me. I lifted up my wig and he was shocked because he couldn't believe it was a wig!! We both had a good laugh. I also get a laugh when people want to know who did my hair because they love the highlights. I just laugh and lift up my wig and say you can have the same thing.
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Again, you are missing my point. Wearing a wig does not make me less "free" nor does it mean I hide my true self. Does wearing make up do that? Are you hiding when you wear make up? I choose to not have my baldness as the biggest thing in my life. I choose to express my true self freely without having to be defined by lack of hair. My accomplishments and personality define me and I prefer people to remember those things not my bald head. Please stop telling our fellow hairless people that we are not brave, free, or fearless when we make a choice other than yours.
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In the same way that wearing a shirt does not make you "less free" neither does wearing a prosthesis make you "less free" nor does it hide your true self. When I wear my prosthesis and tell my friends what it cost, am I really hiding my true self?
Your bald head is not your "true self," it's the symptom of an illness.
When people are really hard to reach, I just tell them that having my bald head exposed does not appeal to my taste.
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My 9 year old daughter has alopecia and has hated covering her head. She loves showing her head off. She says unique is awesome. People react to how you carry yourself I think. We have never had really anyone be rude, we have had many people who are caring. There was a time when someone was staring hard so I asked (mama bear came out in me) not in a rude way if she had any questions. She actually answered by asking if my daughter was okay or battling something. My daughter explained to her she had alopecia and what it was and that she thinks it's cool. The woman gave her a hug and told her she knew someone with alopecia too and said she hopes all goes well.
I think people are more curious and concerned than anything. I think if it wasn't kept such a secret or treated with such stigma and shame, it would help all those in the alopecia community as well as society to accept it.
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Permalink Reply by JessicaStinkle on
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I think a lot of the commenter's are neglecting to actually answer the question here. I have AU and lost my hair very fast, I probably wore a wig for less then a month and it's almost been a year since I lost my hair. I've only received one rude comment but it was from a mentally challenged person. I also receive many positive comments but I don't think much of them; what's the alternative?? I doubt someone will come up and say "wow you look horrible, let's hope your hair grows back soon" right? I really like the smile back at them technique but I almost feel like that will lead to more questions. When I start to feel nervous, especially in a crowded place, I raise my head, focus on something in the distance, do my model walk, and pretend I don't notice all the eyes. As far as the attention goes, I'm still undecided as to weather or not it's all in my head. Remember when you first walked out bald, everyone was staring at you? That's how I felt!! But now, as I sit here in a crowded room, no one is starring at me. The biggest difference is inside of me, I was not comfortable but now I am. I see new faces every day but none of them are as intimidating as the that first day.
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I usually wear a wig, hat or scarf. When I go swimming I don't wear anything and I notice a lot of stares, but I just stare back. It has only been 1 1/2 years so far for me (I am 60) and I'm still getting used to it. Last week my husband and I had just left a Menards and I thought I saw a car we were coming up on had someone without any hair. When we got next to the car, I could see it was a young woman (probably mid 20's) and she was totally bald. I was staring at her and she was staring back and I'm sure she was probably thinking I was being really rude, and then I pulled off my wig and shrugged my shoulders and she started laughing so hard!! We both got a good laugh. I am hoping I can start feeling more comfortable without anything on my head.
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I make my own bathing caps because the ones sold in stores are made my people who had no idea what I'm going through.
Just recently I treated myself to a supply of new head covers including a quick drying sun hat (made for swimming) and some covers that are stretchy and dry easily and that I can also use around the house.
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