Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Garden Girl on March 13, 2011 at 1:08pm

Hi,
I have three children who are now well into their teens. They have always known about my alopecia since I developed it before they were born. I have always talked to them about it at a developmental level consistent with their age:
Young-"that's just the way mommy is made.
Middle-"how do you feel about your friends, other parents reactions to me?"
Teen-I showed them., discussed research about the possibility of them developing it...ALWAYS in response to them verbalizing a concern. Ads they are getting older, we also have more frank discussions about the impact alopecia has on my life and theirs. My daughter wrote one oher colege essays on her reactions to my alopecia.
Early adulthood-We disucessed what they want to tell a romantic partner...
Hope this helps! One other thing, when my kids were really little, I tried to maintain a fairly consistent set of looks...at times they seemed confused-like I don't look like mommy..so I tried to either wear a similar looking wig ir nothing. Now that they are older, I have all kinds of looks. It drives our dog crazy.
Susan

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Eva on March 13, 2011 at 7:29pm

Thanks, Aimee. It's really helpful to hear what other people are doing. I usually have a wig on for social situations but I can't stand wearing a wig around the house or out walking the dog. Glad to hear that your kids are so supportive!

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kathryn Michael on March 14, 2011 at 9:38am

I have been up front with any children I come across. Some friends showed their children photos of me with no hair, so that when they saw me in reality they were prepared. One came up to me with his mum, and she said ‘Daniel (age 7) hasn’t seen your head, he wants to see it’ I got down on my knees so he could see the top of my head and he looked at me quizically. I explained that some people have food allergies and that my body has decided it allergic to my hair! His main concern was that I wasn’t in pain. Once I had reassured him that I wasn’t ill and there was no pain he was ok. He has since been heard explaining to other adults and children that I am not ill, just bald! I teach crafts to a group of teenagers. When I first started with them I explained about my hairloss. They asked some questions and one boy said ‘you are more than just your hair, people shouldn’t judge you – at least your ears don’t stick out!’
I don't think all children are cruel, it is all about education. Adults generally will assume that I have cancer unless they have been told otherwise. In a store one day, I overheard a child asking their mother 'why that lady has no hair'. Her response to the child was that I had cancer. I looked over at her and in a loud voice said ' I don't have cancer I have alopecia, my hair has fallen out' It is all about education, when people know more about the condition, the less shocked they will be or appear. With friends, once they know I am not ill, not having treatment and I’m ok with it, they can then move on with other conversations. It has taken several months for it not to be the main conversation.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by George Ortiz on March 14, 2011 at 6:54pm

that personally would be easy your kids love for who you are, period.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Tuesday on March 14, 2011 at 9:02pm

My sons are just little guys (4 and 7). I have been wearing scarves and various wigs since my youngest began school - parents and other students know I have no hair. I am just upfront - I have explained to my son I have alopecia. My older son understands the condition. He has only known me as I am - he doesn't seem ashamed at all. He actually is such a sweetheart - he tells me I am beautiful without my hair. Told me the other night he thought I was more beautiful than all the other mommies with hair. Awh, precious thing.

I had a couple of teenage girls staring at me one day, at the library. Staring, whispering and giggling. I could hear they were discussing if I had hair. I called them on this ... my sons witnessed me confront them. So, my kids know I won't accept ridicule.

I think it's important to be upfront with your kids.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Daniela Nikova on March 24, 2011 at 3:19pm

So true

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Petra on March 14, 2011 at 10:54pm

Hi Eva, I don't have any kids but I have a 4 year old nephew. Just last year I started wearing scarves and hats out instead of my wig. Last December we were going out to dinner and kids being kids my nephew reached up and started to pull off my hat. I instinctively grabbed my hat and pulled it back down. My sister told him that he shouldn't do that because Auntie did not wash her hair so that's why she was wearing a hat. Later I told her that we should tell him the truth the next time it happens. Of course the next time I saw him I was wearing a hat again. He asked me if I didn't wash my hair again. I told him No, that I wore a hat because I lost all of my hair. He asked me if I was bald like uncle :-)
and why my hair fell out. I told him my body was alergic to my hair like some people are alergic to peanuts. I asked him if he wanted to see my head and of course he said yes. I showed him my head and he wanted to touch it. He asked a couple of questions and so far that's been the end of it.
My sister was a little reluctant in telling him because she remembers the first time that she saw me with no hair ( there is a 12 year age difference between us) I first lost all my hair in "79" I was 18. This is not something that my family discussed and I either wore a wig or a scarf all the time. So probably the only time my sister saw me without anything on my head she almost fainted. HA HA We get a good laugh about it now.
I just think it is so much better to be honest and open about it. It also teaches kids that we are not all the same.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by kastababy on March 16, 2011 at 12:33am

Hi Eva!

I also don't have any children, but I do have a 7-year-old niece, a 3-year-old niece, a 3-year-old nephew (not twins - my sister and my sister-in-law got pregnant at the same time and they were born two weeks apart, LOL) and a year-old nephew - and I have been bald since I was 4 years old. I have had to explain alopecia to all 12 of my brothers and sisters (the youngest of whom is 11) and my nieces and nephews. I explain that I have alopecia and my body treats my hair like it treats a cold or the flu - it gets rid of it. As everyone has gotten older, they have done the research on their own or come to me and asked me more in depth questions, which I am happy to answer.

Just when I wondered if Michaela (the 7-yr-old) really grasped what it meant for me to not have any hair, I picked her up from school yesterday and there she was telling the school secretary all about me. I overheard her telling them she had an aunt YoKasta who was bald because she had alopecia but that was okay because her aunt was beautiful just the way she was -- yeah, that made my whole week :)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Tamera on March 16, 2011 at 4:12pm

I have had the same question floating around in my mind for the last few years, I have had AA for 25 years that in the last 8 has left me with little to no hair. My boys are school age and I was worried about kids or even adults making them uncomfortable with questions or judging them. I remember how cruel kids and adults can be, being a child with AA I did have some pretty tough times. I have recently decided that I am going to accept this,(my AA) I can't change it, I can't control it so I need to accept it. My kids see me all the time with nothing on my head, sometimes I wear my wig but mostly I don't. I do wear a scarf or bandana in public, and some stare and some could care less. The first time I went to a big school function with my kids and husband I pulled my boys aside before we went and asked them if they would be more comfortable if I wore a wig or a scarf, they said that they love my scarves and that is what mommy wears, and that I was pretty with them on(they are sooooo sweet!) So that is what I did, I also told them that people(kids and adults) may ask them questions about mommy or mommy's hair, I advised my boys that if they felt comfortable that they could tell whomever they chose to tell that I have alopecia and that if there were any further questions they could tell that person that they could contact me and I would be more than happy to talk about it. It has been 2 months since that event at the school and they said they were asked a few questions and that they answered them, they also said that it didn't make them feel bad or embarrassed.(my boys are very forward, if they had been embarrassed or upset they would have told me) I guess that I am open and honest about my AA with my kids, I don't want them to feel that it is something that is bad or scary, it is just different and that is okay. If you want to wear a wig, do it because you want to, not because you think you have to. I think that if nothing else, alopecia is teaching my kids that it is good that we are all different, that not all mommy's look the same, some have hair, some don't and that we need to accept differences not feel ashamed of them. Like my 8 year old said just last night, "wouldn't the world be boring if everyone looked like everyone else", to this wisdom my 6 year old added "how would I find you and daddy?" I think most of the time kids are smarter than us! Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

• ▶ Reply