Alopecia World
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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Andrey on
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No your features don't change but how they interact with each other changes your appearance. Hair frames the face and even your whole body. Obviously the woman in the photo is more attractive on the right side.
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Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on
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Hi Andrey, I think "obviously" is a strong word, peoples thought on beauty are unique and differ. I can agree that some include hair and others may be more flexible. My husband met me as a bald woman and without a doubt believes I am beautiful. I believe his words are that I am a beautiful woman who just happens to be bald. ;)
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"peoples thought on beauty are unique and differ" Of course, which is why the vast majority of women are only attracted to men like the guy in my photo ;)
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My husband and I were not looking for the majority when we found each other. ;)
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Hello ladybug, no one IS EVER ugly...God made us the same but we all have unique things about us to make us different. Each thing that you find is something unique God gave you so we never have a twin. Remember that is why Heads you and me so very differently. Never ever say you are ugly. God, the most powerful in all the world's existence created you. He loves you for who you are, not because you believe you are less than. No one IS EVER less than in God's eyes. Never because of how He made you. As a child of the most High, you are His child. You have earthly parents, because he created them just for you, but you have a Father in Heaven, who adores you. Always remember... you are a child of the most High and my dear...He IS A KING. Never doubt His love for you...you were uniquely made for Him.Enjoy your weekend, and be safe.
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Wow, okay ...first thank you for your honesty. However, being a sick person since age 9, I choose to buy into being unique for a reason. God,has been with me since that time. Living with a disability...no picnic.
In and out of the hospital every summer as a child fighting through a disease I didn't understand; until I was a teenager made me who I am today, an adult before her time, understanding adult situations like doctors telling you you won't make it.Having a disease that could kill me? Years of research and living life better, and avoiding stress. I know...easier said than done.
Well, they were partly correct. I have been at deaths door twice, but somehow made it through. My faith is what has kept me safe now for 3 decades. I love life because I am here for a reason. Not sure what, but I m remember to help those who are where you are because like us they also are you too are here for areason. There are so many more looking for others like you and me to tell them how we have survived living such a
challenged life.
I never considered myself a beauty, and I don't fool myself into thinking that I am, but the child I wasn't supposed to have is now 28 and I want him to live a good life. We may not be perfect but we are here. I am here to help others accept who they are. You have a story, testimony, something to share about your life. Who are uou, how do you do it day after day...What strengths do you have? For me...each day IS A NEW DAY for me. Live it differently, accept the things you cannot change, be more positive, reach out to others or just one person. Live beyond you...help someone else. It's a challenging journey we all are on...I could use another person who can share her experiences. Lupus had me bald at 9...I have lived with hairpieces and wigs for a long time. SLE never gave me my hair back, daily I wonder "what if...if I had my real hair. You Are Here...what is your story. How can YOU share to help someone else. What is your personal strength? We all have it.Keep fighting for who you are. A fan,
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Hi Dehliaa - you're the first person I've met with alopecia caused by SLE - am thrilled there are at least 2 of us in the world. I truly believed I was the only one. I'm older than you but you're probably much wiser - you sound it anyway. It sounds like your SLE has affected you much more than mine has - mine has been mostly skin and hair related but also Kidney and Liver damage and the old arthritis etc and Raynauds and thyroid - all very common to SLE. Two of my nieces have SLE also but neither of them has lost hair. One is not badly affected - just her thyroid but the other lass had brain involvement - two brain bleeds and a brain stem injury all within 12 months. The doctors thought she would be a vegetable but she went on to become a teacher (she already had a science degree but a photo journalism diploma) and is now the loving mother of two and wife of a very successful businessman and she has now started up and is editing a magazine on investments. Quite a lass and I love hearing stories like yours and hers - you people add such hope to this world. Like you, my niece also has a very deep faith (as so do I). Unfortunately, I couldn't have those much wanted children and IVF was such a new thing when I was 30 odd that it wasn't even available in my part of the world. Never mind - I still have my Church and my faith and and and! Keep truckin on - xx
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Hi Ellyn! Thanks for sharing. I have all three types of SLE. It was rough, but in the 70's there were not any with the disease or a name for the disease. The military at the
Army hospital in SF found it in four hours. I had lived a year and a half not knowing I had it or what it was. Today, I am nearing 60 and the journey of life has gotten better being good to myself, eating g better, and getting rest. Not always easy, but after flares, you get better at minipulating the disease and it's advances. Street is bad for me. Avoiding it can be challenging but I finally graduated with an MBA and that stress almost did me in. My hellos and prayers go out to all on the site uniquely affected. Hang in there, keep learning, and live to share. My best to you Ellyn,(my best friend is also named Ellyn,she IS and was until now...the only person I knew to spell her name like yours). Stay in touch
Phyllis
My best to your family. Lupus is an interesting disease, but challenging to control.
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Permalink Reply by Vicki on
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How can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly, you ask??? We all have our own beliefs and feelings about everything in this world. I truly do believe you can be bald and handsome/beautiful. Quite a few famous people, may not have Alopecia or are bald by choice and are very handsome/beautiful. At the end of the day, a bottle of bleach, a spray tan, cosmetics, cosmetic surgery, spandex, push up bras, heels, mani/pedi, money - all fall in that category of trying to make you into something you aren't. So I guess we are all just ugly ;) moving on.......
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Permalink Reply by C on
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I guess I didn't like the comment that was made by someone about being f***ed as part of accepting alopecia. That's how I felt in the first place every time I looked in the mirror. I am more accepting of the fact that I have it and will have to learn every day how to still feel like myself when I go out with a wig or weave. I never even liked wearing scarves. Eventhough I never really liked to comb my own hair and sported braids and sometimes wigs or weaves, I never felt uncomfortable just throwing on a baseball cap and going out. Now I wouldn't be seen only with a cap... I must have on a wig. I don't have a problem with anyone who decides to go bald. I sometimes wish I could honestly see myself as beautiful with and without hair but I don't and I don't feel it has anything to do with low self-esteem or being in denial. I'm just not the 'attractive ' I want to be without hair. I don't think one should ever see themselves as ugly and understanding and encouragement is what is needed.. maybe some form of therapy as well, not comparisons to cancer patients... I'm happy to be alive. It's possible I may have lupus and will have to accept and live with that but I still don't want to give up on how I want to look so that I feel attractive.
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