Alopecia World
www.alopeciaworld.com
How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Dani on
-
Hi Pippinsgirl. This is an interesting discussion & I struggle with the same feelings. If you really hate how you look, there seem to be 2 ways around it; Change how you look, and/or change how you feel about the way you look. There are numerous approaches to both, and you can work on both simultaneously. (Let me know if you'd like a list of possible ways to do this).
Out of interest, have you tried wigs or scarves if you're really that unhappy with being bald?
All the best,
Mary
-
Permalink Reply by Nubian on
-
Hi PG
I had to respond to this as you sound just like me...I feel ugly all the time and will never see bald as beautiful. The worse thing about alopecia is its such an isolating disease and feeling lonely is just so unbearable. I just watch other people living their lives and get through by saying happiness is for others and that is that. I wish I could feel better about myself but once I'm by myself I always have this sense of dread that I know I will be alone probably for the rest of my life. I've been hiding away for 10 years and for me it's easier just to stay away from the world as all that I find out there is a lot of hurt and pain.
I would love to find some friends that feel the way I feel as I need to do something to get out of this mode.
Take care
Nubes
-
Permalink Reply by Xeljanzmiracle on
-
Hi, my heart goes out to those of you who feel ugly all the time. THAT IS SO SAD. Do you just feel this way because you lost your hair, or have you always felt that way about yourself? Are you unhappy with your other facial and or body features as well?
-
-
As 2015 dribbles out..... I can remember the last few days of 2005: the year all my hair fell out....
I said to myself then, ' I need to prove to myself and the world that I can live with Alopecia'
Maybe....you need to prove it to your self.
No more self-abuse, lifestyle restrictions and looking for treatments or cures.
Up personal and bare.
Time to reframe this experience of Alopecia.
-
-
I've dealt with Alopecia for 43 years now (I've had it since I was 10, and I'm 53 now), so I'm pretty much resigned to my fate. I can't imagine being newly diagnosed or having this happen as a teenager. My heart goes out to you.
-
Permalink Reply by Gordon Patzer on
-
Although discomforting as heck, I love this well-presented, well-balanced message by PG; who realistically and accurately tells reality as it is. Hooray for PG.
-
Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
-
I am still having trouble with this. IF someone feels "ugly" because they are bald (and I don't really agree that this is the case), but IF that is how you feel, there are any number of beautiful wigs out there ranging in price from about $200 for a nice synthetic, to 3 or 4 thousand for an amazing vacuum with better hair than you could grow, to choose from! IF you get your eyebrows tattooed and learn some basic cosmetic techniques you can look as good or better than most of your friends! Seriously, there are solutions for ALL of this. It still feels like "choice" that you are making to feel "ugly". In pic, admittedly, this is a vacuum, but I could look great in a synthetic as well! It's attitude!!
- Attachments:
-
-
20151204_204515_001.jpg, 2.6 MB
-
-
-
I love all these wonderful directive caring messages in response to PG's initial message. Not only are these messages thoughtful, they also sincerely offer actionable suggestions and options as solutions. I am super impressed with the Alopecia World subscribers/commenters. As a group, every one of these individuals seem to be good individuals, in fact, great individuals.
P.S. After the many months of time that have passed since PG composed and posted her message, (I could have missed it, but) I wonder what PG's thought/thinking and/or action(s) have been in regard to, what seems to me, to have been a wonderful quantity and quality of responders/commenters.
-
-
I too am impressed, and I appreciate such diverse opinions! I've gained perspective since I posted this, (which was 8 or 9 months ago). I think I was unclear and mean to refer to "ugly/looks are what matters" in reference to society, but that doesn't mean I personally agree at all, in fact, that's what I was trying to point out.
I think it's less "ugly" and more the disturbing "this is not me, this is not how I'm supposed to look" feeling when looking in the mirror, like if one day my nose fell off or I sprouted a tail. Even wearing a wig I'd still feel "This is not me either," because others may not know it's fake, but I still do. I've still never even seen anyone in my non-internet life with alopecia. As a 22 year old girl buying products marketed to aging men, the only "acceptable and visible" bald demographic, and hoping strangers don't stare or says insensitive things (I'm sure others have dealt with tactless people), it gets lonely and there are still days I grieve.
But I'm in a better place now with those days growing fewer, largely due to the awesome people on this site, whether they tell stories of healing or commiseration. We don't choose our non-conformity, and it sure as hell doesn't come with a manual, (can you imagine How to Be an Alopecian for Dummies?), but maybe as our immune systems have revolted against us we use that energy to revolt against our cultural conditioning. When I've gathered more wisdom, I hope to be able to help as I've been helped. It really is important for us all to stick together, MISFITS UNITE! Take care, PG:)
-
Permalink Reply by roxy on
-
My alopecia are at a progressed into alopecia universalis after the birth of my 2nd baby. I have been completely hairless for just about 2 years now and I constantly feel ugly!!! I used to be pretty and attractive ... I hate how I look and I hate that I cannot fix this!!! I wear scarves on my head ... N and to draw on eyebrows and pencil my eyes ... But I never feel attractive anymore!!
So I know how u feel.
I pray that god cures us all ... Coz all we have is prayer and faith.
-
Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
-
Thinking of yourself as either beautiful or ugly is a choice. Opinions on baldness is not universal, some may think it's attractive while others don't - and sometimes a person's opinion changes. I stand by my essay, "A Special Wardrobe" in which I state that being bald doesn't make you beautiful, YOU make baldness beautiful.
God bless,
Larry
© 2024 Created by Alopecia World.
Powered by
