Alopecia World
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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
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I'm sorry that you are having a hard time dealing with your hair loss. But you have made some statements that simply aren't true. When you said baldness is ugly and that those of us who feel different are just kidding ourselves, you're making a generality statement that is not a fact but your opinion.
I would summit that based on what others have experienced, and the reactions they have gotten from the people in their life you can still be attractive, vital, romantic, loving, sexy and desirable. I don't mean "just on the inside" Being bald doesn't make you beautiful or ugly - YOU make being bald beautiful or ugly. It's a choice that you can make, and attitude is a key factor. Leave yourself open to the idea that you may be wrong in how you think about beauty and baldness.
God bless,
Larry
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Opps! I didn't mean to repeat myself. I didn't realize I had already written a response. <blush with embarrassment> Maybe baldness might make you a bit dim ....no, just me, I'm sure.
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And thanks, Susan, for your kind words.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Love your response Larry. Agree totally. I've been bald for 30 years and I think I'm better looking now than I was then - Ok that's an exaggeration - but I'm still hot for my age! LOL!!
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Permalink Reply by Susan on
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Debbie if you ever need Chanel handbags or anything fashion. Im your girl.
Susan
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Permalink Reply by Modern Monarch on
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77WmX9GW0Bk
What I've learned with it, we can either choose to let it define us, or we can move forward and define it! Use it to stand out, become unique! Besides, unique is fun!! No one likes to be normal. You've got it in you :)
Made this select T for all of my fellow alopecians! haha
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Permalink Reply by Dom on
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Please don't be so hard on yourself. When first our hair falls out definitively we all go through feelings of negativity, the sense almost of bereavement at the loss of our previous outward appearance. I remember my sense of destitution when I confronted my Alopecian self in the mirror for the first time 10 years ago. I saw a person I did not recognise and of whose appearance I was ashamed. I thought then that I looked like a criminal. Hairless from top to toe and feeling about as low as I could get. I could not bring myself to leave my apartment for a few days and stopped going out socially. I remember visiting an American friend and his wife in Manhattan in the winter shortly after my hair was all gone. We were on our way to Central Park when we stopped to buy something from a street vendor who turned to me, took one look at me and said, "Man, you is ugly!" That was a body blow then and I think I was at my lowest ebb. However, in a strange way it helped turn the tide for me. I realised how ridiculous what he had said was.
I resolved never again to let such thoughts get to me. Our lives don't stop because our hairs stop growing.
Once I was too ashamed of my Alopecia to answer my front door, now I am an onscreen TV reporter whose very appearance is a silent proclamation that Alopecia takes our hair but cannot take our intelligence, personalities or joie de vivre.
You will meet new friends and people will generally be understanding. That's how it has been for me. I thought I would never have another relationship in my life but could not have been more wrong.
So, please don't hate yourself or feel that no one you meet will ever find you attractive again. It's wrong and counterproductive. Instead choose to remember what people on this site say, "those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter".
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Permalink Reply by Rascalx2 on
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I have been struggling with this AU, never heard of it or knew anyone with it. I had a dime shape size bald yadda yadda, and was all gone in 8 days. For awhile I had hope it would just grow back after few months. I had people say to me "you were so good looking" and if I have showed pic of what i looked like they say "no way, thats not you!"... this brings truth to me that they don't think "good looking " is a word that comes to mind for them. I know that everyone wants to go through life not caring what other people think, which has come to be a cliche. I feel like a freak! I tey to bring positive attitude to everywhere i go. But!!, it feels difficult to get over the hurdle when I smile at someone and they just look away or to the ground in avoidance of the hairless weirdo smiling at them.. So, I'm trying my best for acceptance, but I'm nowhere near it.
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When people are uncomfortable being without hair, there are options. If you really feel that way, then look into the options. You can also get tattooed eyebrows or wear the ones that are fake but look real. In this day and age, you can buy whatever you want so if being bald isn't your thing, start investigating. But, the bottom line is still accepting yourself and then others will accept you. You won't meet the "average" expectation for looks, but the right people won't care and the jerks don't matter. What Dom said.
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