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How to accept being ugly
This is going to sound majorly harsh, but hear me out.
I feel like the "bald is beautiful" is a lie we tell ourselves and others just to feel better. I don't think bald is beautiful. I think some can be beautiful IN SPITE of being bald, but it will always detract from their appearance. I don't want to pamper myself and say that if I take a bubble bath and get new clothes and work on the rest of my appearance and "do things to make myself feel pretty" I'll feel attractive, because guess what, I'm not, and I won't try to fool myself into thinking I am. I'm sorry, I realize how insulting to everyone this sounds, but looks DO weigh more than personality in the world. Unfair and sucky, but it's true and we all know it. Jobs, dating, personal worth largely hinges on social perception of ourselves. I can't look a certain way and I can't fool myself into feeling a certain way and so normally I focus on other things, but I'm still never really ok. I go through life knowing that disgust is power, and so no one will mess with me because in a way, walking around with a half smooth half shaved head makes me look tough. But still, I know I am still not ok with my ugliness.
There must be a way to peace without lying to myself. Question is, how can I come to terms and accept that I am ugly? Any thoughts?
-PG
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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You are SO right Dom. Way to go and I agree with everything you've said.
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Permalink Reply by Finley on
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@ pippinsgirl: your post has absolutely blown me away.. I love how brutally honest and realistic you are, you don't pull any punches and seriously you have moved me to tears. I don't even know you but I can tell already that I like you cause you tell it like it is
My alopecia started 5 years ago and I think I actually have an advantage over most people that get it, because I was born with a noticeable disability, a funky face (that I love), and a personality that just cannot comply to socially acceptable norms. Do looks matter more than personality in the world? Well, yes they do... so to hell with the world. However, look at this community; it's great and so accepting. You can find people like that scattered all around. The world may not think I'm beautiful, and that may matter to the world... but it doesn't matter to me because I think I'm awesome and I think you're awesome too.
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Permalink Reply by Tom on
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I am going to try to explain to the best of my ability why I feel you are wron and please bear with me because I'm doing this because I care.
I have had AU since I was 19 years old. I am now 59. I lost all the hair on my body in about two weeks . And other than a small regrow the of one eyebrow for about a week I have had no regrow at all. I was in th US army at the time. I had just gone through a traumatic experience which left me with psd to deal with for the rest of my life. At that time it was against military regulations to shave your head completely bald . So there I am 6' 2" tall with a bald head. I'm a perfect target for any officer with an attitude problem. And there are many. I was screamed at while standing at attention hundreds of times and they were all very crowded public places. After they asked for my explenation they would call me a freak and tell me what a disgrace I was to the uniform. I lived like that 24 hours a day and had no one to talk to or anyplace to get help. So I drank and fought with anyone who gave me a sideways glance. That's how I lived for the last three years of my tour. I got sober in 1991 and have 25 years of sobriety. I have learned a few things from the horrible pain I've endured. First I'm ok. I know that it's easier for men. But regardless you have to accept yourself because there isnt a damn thing you can do about it. You are still you, inside your still the Same person you always were. People everywhere are doing anything to be different tattos piercings and whatever to be different. We are different. We can't accept it because we didn't choose to be this way. But we are so suck it up. I have surrounded myself with beautiful people. They are my friends and extended family. They are beutiful because of who they are. When you meet someone do you pay attention to what they look like first. I don't. I used to. Now I look you in the eye and talk to you and listen for the goodness you have inside. If your soul is beautiful it shows through your eyes. I assure you it's true. I've had to fight and bleed and die inside a thousand times to learn this. So your ok. Surround yourself with beautiful people who love you for who you are . You are your own worst enemie. I hope this helps. Maybe I will have the honor to meet you someday and I will tell you just how beautiful and amazing you really are!
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Permalink Reply by Dianna 845 on
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Yup. Being bald, or near to it is ugly. No doubt about it. If not why would the hair business be so huge? It totally sucks having to put hair on. It's hot, uncomfortable and expensive. Does it make you ugly? No no t really. It does make for a huge hassle. Do I ever want to walk around bald? Hell no! What's beautiful is glorious hair. Always has been, always will be. Hurrah for you if you " accept" and go around looking like that... not for me. Can it be dealt with... yes. Like all other things in life that just suck.
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Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
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You have every right to feel the way you do about losing your hair. But you are out of line when you tell others that they are lying to themselves for believing that bald can be beautiful. Please try not to put your feelings on others who disagree with you. We aren't liars, we just have a different point of view.
God bless,
Larry
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Easy for you to say, Larry. You're a Man!
Women are outcasts, if they are bald!
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I think you'll find that a whole lot of the women don't feel like outcasts. They marry, have kids, go on dates and lead meaningful productive lives. As for me being a man, people feel a lot freer to insult us than they do women. Feeling ugly or beautiful is a choice. If mybeing a man discounts what I've said, talk to some of the wonderful happy and yes, beautiful women who are members of this group.
I know it isn't easy but you can choose to have a life full of love, sexuality, and worth while purposes.
God bless,
Larry
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None of your friends would date a freak like me .....nor would you. You would be ashamed to be seen in public with me.
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I've dated women with alopecia, one didn't wear a wig. I was proud to be seen with both of them. Ask the married women in this group if they feel loved, beautiful and desirable. Again, it's up to you on how you want to live with your alopecia. They aren't lying when they say they are happy or found contentment.
God bless,
Larry
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lol
I'm not married because of reasons of faith, not because I wouldn't marry a bald woman. As it so happens I'd prefer having a bald wife, but I believe that God will present whoever He wants me to marry in His own way and in His own time. I can assure you hair is not going to be a determining factor. Whoever I marry it's not going to be based on her hair or lack of it. I hope she'll be healthy, but if it's the right one she could be blind, be confined to a wheelchair. As long as we have common interests and make each other happy that's all I really want.
God bless,
Larry
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