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How to come out hiding and wear whatever wig you want to out in public? Help. How did you do it?
an article a co worker gave me about alopecia in the recent parents magazine states " Alopecia is life altering not life threatening" so true but that person who wrote the article probably has no idea what it feels like, I wonder if they have Alopecia????? How has it affected you? Do you go out in different wigs and who cares or do you like myself go out in the same type style so as not to tip people off about the condition? I wish I had the umph in me to go out in whatever wig I chose and just be me. I am a rather postiive, happy , and strong person, but not with this. You think after 4 years I would be ok, but no , I try not to show it, I think do they know? are they feeling sorry for me? Crazy eh, I know but how did you get over that feeling of omg they know, or they can tell. I am self concious about it still, not around close family at home, I will go bald for short times. But never go outside of the house, or even out of the yard with a diff wig, it is the same type style as the old me. Please share how you came out and was just you? I need help on this one.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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HI Kay , so true .......question do you still have some hair? and do the comb over thing? I have none, I wear wigs, but never have gone bald out in public, and try to stay the same type wig so not to be too noticeable. most people jsut think I changed my hairstyle....................... LOL
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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I just saw your post, Denise. I've chosen a non-wig path because I just can't stand the "heat" of wigs. But, maybe my "coming out" journey will help you. It's been 4 1/2 years since I lost my hair.
I call it "BABY STEPS". I kept a journal of all my firsts, and I started small: the first time to the mailbox bald, the first time to the grocery store, to the library, etc....Pretty soon, I didn't feel the need to keep track of it anymore - it just became who I am. For awhile, it was "fake it 'til you make it". I kept my head up, put on some nice earrings, and felt as beautiful as I could.
I found that once I stopped being so concerned about what other people were thinking about my head, they seemed to take it in stride and it wasn't a big deal.
I won't repeat it all here, but you might enjoy looking at my blogs, photos and videos if you haven't seen them.
Somehow, I am where I am, and it's very liberating. I really don't care who sees me bald. I'm a bald woman and I CHOOSE to be physically comfortable and just be myself. It has worked for me, and I hope you find a comfort level with wigs or without.
Good luck,
Mary
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Mary
thank you so much for the info. I am since 2009 April .........I keep it shaved but it is patchy large areas nothing as bald as a babies bottom and other areas shadowy that grow a smidge nothign worth mentioning. it looks weird................but now accepting it at home more, no wig around the boys & hubby and they don't even bat an eye.......... :) I amworking on it, escpecially when I have a headache such as today, cannot stand a wig on it kills..................... I will check out your blog ty
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Great, Denise! We all have to find our way, but the support and advice of Alopecia World has been a tremendous help (thank you again, rj and Cheryl!!!)
I think I have it easy with being totally hairless. ( ;-) I don't have to shave any patches anymore.
Watch for my International Alopecia Day 2012 video. I'll be posting it soon. We had some beautiful women come to our San Diego lunch, and two of them went bald in public for the very first time. They're in the photos I'll be including.
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I will please let us all know when it is out. Yes thank you to all who put effort in this site I cherish the help, learning, and support. :)
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Permalink Reply by ASRN on
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haha - I agree - aside from my lack of eyelashes if I can't have ALL of my hair, I'd rather have none :)I would LOVE to have my eyelashes back though .....
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I miss my eyebrows most of all. It's been harder for me to lose them 3 times now than it was losing all my hair!
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Asrn & Mary I agree if I cannot have my hair back I would settle and love my eyebrows then eye lashes. But if I had ot chose only 1 it would be eyebrows and they stay forever.......................... but my wig ones will do for now they are working pretty good. :)
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Permalink Reply by wendizzle on
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I have had alopecia for six years and I still don't have total confidence in going out bald or in various wigs. I prefer scarves--right now, they feel the most natural and give me the most confidence. This summer I went out bald more than ever (which still wasn't that much) because I was just too hot! For awhile I felt really empowered. But then I lost my nerve. I have no idea why. I think it's really hard for me to go bald in front of men. Being attractive as a woman is really important to me because I never felt it throughout my young adulthood. So it's hard now to go out bald. It's just my pride. And with wigs, I keep thinking I will get a bunch of fun ones and change things up whenever I feel like it. BUT...first of all, I can't stand having wigs on my head; second, I have never been one to step out fashion-wise, so having different funky wigs all the time would, I think, attract unwanted attention. I have to find the balance between taking risks that will eventually lead me to a new place of personal growth, and staying true to who I am without bending to pressure of any kind to "fit in".
I haven't gone out bald in a couple months now. Except at the beach because I had no alternative for swimming. It was hard. But I tried to look at the sky and remember that I still have the same personality and gifts to offer with or without my head covered.
I wish you well.
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I'm sorry to hear you're having these problems with being "out", then losing the power. I understand how you feel, but I just looked at your photos and you are SO beautiful, young, and can totally rock the bald look! Think about all the bald mannequins in fancy clothing shops....I truly believe that WE can create a new public image for bald women if enough of us are out there, holding our heads up. I've gotten to the point that I actually feel exotic, and beautiful in a different way. Sure, I wish I had my hair back, but I put on some great earrings, pay a little more attention to wearing a nice top, a little eye makeup...and it just works. Like you, I thought wigs would be fun, but I can't stand them. Keep trying and maybe you'll get to a different place.
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I understand this. i have frequently gone out without my wig and suddenly in the last few days I felt weirder. I went to work earlier this week sans wig and a co-worker said "So is that what you are going to do all the time now?" It felt very judgmental so I wore my wig every day since even though it drives me crazy :( Somedays, like today, I am just pissed this happened to me. I try to always be so positive and sometimes I just can't do it anymore - then I have a little breakdown .... then I just have to get over it. Can't live like that every day
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ASRN, your co-worker's reaction really pisses me off!
One time a guy wouldn't stop staring at me - didn't say anything, just stared. Finally, I said "Yes, I'm bald." He remained silent, so I repeated "Yes, I'm bald." Then he seemed to come out of a trance, came over to me, and mumbled something about whether I chose to look this way!
After that, I had a T-shirt printed that says "Yes, I'm bald...get over it!"
Just about says it all, doesn't it?
You're right, it's very hard. But I've been "out" for over 4 years, and I've felt stronger all the time. I refuse to let people judge me and make me feel bad about myself (or hot and uncomfortable in a wig).
Hang in there.
Mary
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