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How to meet men who don't mind
What dating advice or tips would you give a single woman who desires to meet a man who doesn't mind that she has alopecia?
How might she tell the difference between a man who thinks she's fascinating and perhaps a man with some kind of hair or bald fetish?
What are some things she should avoid doing?
What are some things she should be sure to do?
When might be the right time to tell a love interest that she has alopecia?
What behavioral clues might help her determine whether a man is worth the risk of rejection?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jackie on
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Every man wont want you. Don't waste time trying to lure him back in. If he pulls away, be strong and let him kick rocks.
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Permalink Reply by TallGuy on
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Hi there,
This is kind of a broad topic, but here is my 2c...
First, I don't really agree with the "don't mind" bit ... I've never really considered myself broken, or my partners having to accept this as something to put up with because the rest of me is so awesome... It's as much part of me as my brown eyes, height or charming personality ;) Labeling it as "don't mind" kind of casts it like it's a chore. I've said it before, but the more it doesn't matter to you, the better off you are. (Yes, this is tough...)
The most desireable women (and men) are confident, engaging people. They can be the topic of conversation and rock it. They risk rejection daily, learn from it, and acccept it at face value. If you are afraid of rejection, or internalize it, you are really going to hinder your efforts and drag the whole, painful process out. Yes, it stings at first ... but after a while, it's not so bad...and being able to accept that someone isn't into you becasue you are bald, ugly, cute, good, bad, short, tall, skinny, fat, freckled, a different religion, no religion, wrong astrological sign, a ginger ...whatever...without disecting that and equating it to being bald EVERY time will serve you well. If they don't like you ...f'ck em. Long term, they are doing you a favor.
Second, It really depends on the kind of relationship you are looking for. You'll do things in a fling, or casual relationship you wouldn't necessarily do in a long term one. If it's long term..the biggest is be yourself. Not the version of yourself that feels like you are rolling a bolder up a hill (Sisaphus?) becasue you desperatley have to tell someone someothing difficult. Or the first date version of yourself that is about a week away for achieving total human perfection...and would never be caught eating ice cream, singing along to the facts of life theme song, while you power away through season 4 in one sitting. Be the normal version of yourself that's hanging with their friends and having a blast. Show him what he's getting into.
I don't think there really is a way to filter out the creepy people in the dating world. You just get through it, earn your stripes and get more powerful antenna / spidey sense...and gain some fantastic stories to tell your friends. I do think if you haven't fully accepted who you are (for any reason), the creepy folks can pick up on that..it's their superpower. Confidence in what you'll put up with is their kryptonite.
As far as when to tell them, I think before 2 dates is acceptable., but there isn't a hard and fast rule here. I think this is like learning to talk in front of a large group of people, or sing karioke ... or really anything that starts off absolutely terrifying, but after a while is no big deal.
No matter what .. don't just sit at home. Life is what you make of it, not what you are given to start with.
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Permalink Reply by Simone on
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Hi TallGuy! I love how you compared it to speaking before a large group for the first time...that's exactly what it felt like the first time I went baldy in public. I was good with it at first or so I thought then I started missing my hair again. It is what it is I just have my days where I go into the dark as I call it but you're right it's about embracing all flaws and putting that best foot forward. I have a two year old with a head full of locks so I can't afford to stay "in the dark" I just have my days ya know. I appreciate your perspective nice way of looking at it ao true. Thank you!
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Permalink Reply by PamFitros@boldlybaldwomen.com on
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TallGuy,
Great post. Sensitive. Articulate. Straight up without abrasiveness. Humorous. A role models role model.
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Most men don't mind. The ones who do are not the kind of man you want anyway. They'll be the ones who are annoyed when you put on a few pounds too. Hey, life is too short to worry about Shallow Hal's like this and you need to be able to be yourself and feel comfortable, especially at home, and you need to be able to eat chocolate without someone criticizing you. This is REALLY easy - just don't accept anything less than acceptance.
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Thanks Simone! Happy Halloween!!!
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Well said, Debbie!
Pam
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Permalink Reply by Marieca on
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I wouldn't say that there is a set time. As long as you are confident in your delivery, the guy will most likely be cool about it. I would say don't wait too long bc you always want to be upfront to allow the person to make the decision of whether or not they want to continue to date you, and before you get too emotionally invested. Everyone has their preferences and you can't be mad at that..
You have to be ready for either outcome. I am fortunate in that I haven't had any negative responses. Maybe it is part my approach and partly because of my charm.. Lol kidding.. But seriously be your awesome, interesting, authentic self and that is what will attract them to you in the first place. My bf told me he's never dated girls with wigs or weaves but he never even thought twice about it with me. I told him I had already hypnotized him with my feminine allure so it was too late.. Lol
Also don't make it such a huge production. I always mention it in random conversation or I may talk about a support group I attended. If he's interested in you he'll ask you questions and want to know more about you. :-)
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