Hi guys.

I decided to write here to share my problem and see if anyone had a similar experience.

My partner is in his early 20s and started to lose his hair. He thinks it's due to using a hair straightener on wet hair when he was a teenager. Also, having split ends and not cutting his hair didn't help.

When he visited a doctor a few years ago he hasn't done any proper examination, just told him he's ok. All that had a huge psychological impact on him. Now he doesn't want to see anyone (neither dermatologist nor therapist) because he thinks no one can help him. And thought that he's losing his hair (and it's speeding up) is consuming him completely.

With all the information available on the internet, he diagnosed himself with scarring alopecia. I'm not saying he's wrong, but having a proper medical examination would be helpful. His hairline is receding and his hair is thinning.

All this combined with his depression and anxiety is causing him so much pain that he's saying he don't want to live anymore. As a partner, I don't really know what to do anymore. I care for him greatly, and I've told him so many times that he'd always be beautiful to me, with or without hair. But it doesn't seem to have any effect on him. I was suggesting visiting a doctor, trying alternative things like essential oils massage, going with him to the therapist...nothing helps. I am trying to be supportive and understanding.

What else can I do? I really care for him greatly, and it hurts seeing him like this.

What I want the most is for him to forgive himself and come to terms with a hair loss.

I wonder if anyone had any similar experiences? I really don't know how to help him, his depression is turning every possible positive into negatives. :(

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I can't believe nobody has replied to this yet.. although I find myself at a loss for words because you are already doing so much to be supportive.

If he has Alopecia then using a hair straightener or having split ends has nothing to do with it, Alopecia is an autoimmune disorder. He can let himself off the hook of guilt because he did not cause it.

I wonder would he be willing to join Alopecia world? It's been a great supportive resource for me, and I gain so much helpful info, and there are Men's groups that understand that it's just as traumatic to men as it is women.

If there's any way I can help or if you want to chat I'll be around. I'm worried for him.

Dear Finley, thank you so much for your reply and kind words. 

He thinks he's got a scarring alopecia which could be caused by heat damage. Could it really be possible that he destroyed all his hair follicle stem cells by straightening wet hair? 
I am still trying to encourage him to go for a proper examination. 
I don't think he'd join Alopecia world at this point, but I did suggest it. I'm glad I discovered this very supportive and informative community. 

Thank you so much.

darn my post got messed up... sorry. I was just saying sorry but I really have no idea if the hair straightener could have had an effect, and sadly so many doctors haven't got a clue about what causes alopecia either.

Maybe the "symptoms, treatment options, research" discussion forum will be useful.

You've been so good to offer to go to the therapist and doctor. both would be really beneficial. I think if he finds a good, compassionate, helpful doctor that would be best for him. I have "Alopecia areata with scarring" so the hair won't grow back where its gone on the left and back of my head, but this isn't the case for most people.

Thank you. I've been doing so much research these days. Good news is that he's going to see the doctor. Hopefully he'll do scalp biopsy and find out if it is scarring alopecia or not. 
I'll continue supporting him whatever the outcome might be. 
Thanks once again, Finley. 

Hi Dea,

This is a good site that may be helpful to you.

http://www.americanhairloss.org/men_hair_loss/

Androgenetic alopecia or common male pattern baldness (MPB) accounts for more than 95% of hair loss in men. By the age of thirty-five two-thirds of American men will experience some degree of appreciable hair loss, and by the age of fifty approximately 85% of men have significantly thinning hair.

Approximately twenty five percent of men who suffer with male pattern baldness begin the painful process before they reach the age of twenty-one.

Contrary to societal belief, most men who suffer from male pattern baldness are extremely unhappy with their situation and would do anything to change it. Hair loss affects every aspect of the hair loss sufferer's life. It affects interpersonal relationships as well as the professional lives of those suffering. It is not uncommon for men to change their career paths because of their hair loss.

The American Hair Los Association recognizes how devastating male pattern baldness can be for men of all ages, and has created resources for men to get completely objective answers to their hair loss questions.
  
We strongly advise against researching your options through the yellow pages or commercial websites. There are hundreds of products and services being sold to the vulnerable hair loss consumer, but currently there are only two FDA approved products that have been clinically proven to stop or prevent hair loss. In addition, only a handful of surgeons are performing surgical hair restoration to state of the art standards.

Hi again Dea,

Again, this site is excellent and has a lot of information that may be helpful to you and your partner.

http://www.americanhairloss.org/Types_of_Hair_Loss/introduction.asp

The word "alopecia" is the medical term for hair loss. Alopecia does not refer to one specific hair loss disease -- any form of hair loss is an alopecia. The word alopecia is Latin, but can be traced to the Greek "alopekia," which itself comes from alopek, meaning "fox." Literally translated, the word alopecia (alopekia) is the term for mange in foxes.

Hair loss can be caused by any number of conditions, reflected in a specific diagnosis. Some diagnoses have alopecia in their title, such as alopecia areata or scarring alopecia, but many do not, such as telogen effluvium.

Alopecia can be caused by many factors from genetics to the environment. While androgenetic alopecia (male or female pattern baldness, AGA for short) is by far the most common form of hair loss, dermatologists also see many people with other forms of alopecia. Several hundred diseases have hair loss as a primary symptom.

Probably the most common non-AGA alopecias a dermatologist will see are telogen effluvium, alopecia areata, ringworm, scarring alopecia, and hair loss due to cosmetic overprocessing. Other, more rare forms of hair loss may be difficult to diagnose, and some patients may wait months, even years for a correct diagnosis and undergo consultation with numerous dermatologists until they find one with knowledge of their condition. Plus, with rare diseases, there is little motivation for research to be conducted and for treatments to be developed. Often, even when a correct diagnosis is made, a dermatologist can offer no known treatment for the condition.

Research into hair biology and hair diseases is a very small field, and even research on androgenetic alopecia is quite limited. Perhaps 20 years ago there were fewer than 100 people worldwide who studied hair research in a major way. In recent years, there may be five times as many. This is still a small number compared to, say, diabetes research, but the expanding numbers of researchers investigating hair biology is positive, and eventually should lead to a better understanding and more help for those with rare alopecias.

In my personal opinion,I don't think there is much that you can do in helping him accept himself. I'm pretty much, sort of, over the whole hair loss thing now but there wasn't very much my boyfriend could say to me when I was losing, or after I lost, my hair. His support was, and is, appreciated but there was nothing he could have done to change the way I felt. ... one thing he did that I've always liked the most was just that he treated my hair loss as nothing. It was like a hair cut, it happened, it was mentioned, and then we moved on to a different subject. He stopped me from fixating on the issue and he was the only person who did this. Talking and asking endless questions about the hair loss only makes you think of it more.

If your boyfriend is suffering from depression he should seek help with that, I'm a huge supporter of seeing a holistic doctor because I'm not a large fan of drugs. Maybe you can look for one in your area, most insurances will pay just as they do for a normal doctor.

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