Alopecia World
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I feel like wigs are dominating my life
The title says a lot, but let me elaborate.
First, wigs are an extra bill. I spend so much getting custom wigs that I'm not even happy in, and have to buy a new one about every month because they start looking more unnatural than a wig should after that time.
Every single person on this site wants their hair back if they lost it, myself included. I get emotional when I'm putting my wigs on or taking them off, and some days I have to fight back tears seeing my bald scalp and my "hair" on a plastic head. I'm so paranoid as well about the wig falling off, and would never want anyone to see me without it and my eyebrows/fake lashes. Even on a site like this, one with many people in the same boat as me, I won't post pictures of myself without my wig on. I never take them, because I'm afraid someone might stumble into them and, in a few years, I want to remember me with my wigs on that look somewhat like my old hair than the bald woman I hate being in reality.
I've had to limit myself a lot in what I do. I don't go in the water at the beach anymore, and if I go at all I put a hat on and just read while I sweat under my thick brown wig and resist the temptation to itch at sand that gets under the front. Wind is a nightmare-- I've actually had nightmares about a strong gust of wind taking my wig with it, and my hand is always on the front of my wig whenever it starts. My wig doesn't have lace on the back, and I don't want someone to see something that suggests that the wig on top of my head isn't my actual hair. I rarely play with my son anymore, because I'm afraid he'll tug at the wig and he's never seen me bald.
The self-consciousness is killing me. After every period at the school I teach I go to the woman's room with my makeup in my purse to redo my eyebrows and the makeup around the wig.
I just want my hair back.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lyn on
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You said it better than I ever could have. I know your pain because I live it everyday. I think maybe I would have been able to deal better with this if it had been a life long thing. It was so traumatizing to me to see my hair slowly start to go 6 years ago. I hate wigs but have to wear them, Unless I want to be stared at when i'm out, no thank you! Since my marriage ended about the time this all started doesn't help either. Imagine trying to meet a new guy when you have no hair.... Everyone says that shouldn't matter but it does to me. What would I say if a date wanted to go for a bike ride or to the beach, oh but the way, I lost my hair! I can see the look on their face now. Its a no win situation.
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Permalink Reply by Gracie on
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Dear Kristin,
I can relate so well to what you have written and have often wondered if anyone else felt these obsessions/ restrictions. Thank you for being open and honest. The difference between us is that, I am in the weird 10% percentile where I have not lost my head hair, only my brows and lashes. I do however, feel much of the restrictions that you do. The wind is NOT my friend either. My eyes water constantly anyway and then the glue makes the lashes loosen, so wind makes it even worse.
I have shared with a few friends about my alopecia situation and the menopause/hormonal change that caused my brows and lashes to fall out at 37. I am now 50 and my journey does not seem much easier. I spend $18.00 a pair on lashes that i feel look natural and I don't break out from. This has been a BIG financial burden on us but my husband has been wonderful about it. I must look in the mirror 20 times a day to make sure my make-up looks okay and that my brows haven't smeared away. I tried the tattooed brows twice but they would not stay on my skin.
The only thing that has made this whole alopecia journey bearable is my faith. I have had to lean on Christ at every fork in the road. I am once again at that place because the lash company I was working with decided not to keep making the style i wear. I have a few weeks of lashes left before I run out. Everytime I have cried out to Him, He has provided. I have been in great despair at times, telling God that I cannot keep dealing with this....it's just too much. Then He will send someone into my path, I end up sharing with them, they are comforted and He is glorified. Yes, I do pray that restoration will happen but I also pray that I can use this suffering for good to comfort and help others. It has happened more times then I can remember and strengthened my faith. It has also strengthened the faith of a handful of girlfriends who pray for me each time I am in my make-up room trying to find two lashes that look the same. Yes, I am a type A personality. LOL The Lord does want me to realize that i was created in His image and that I am beautiful just the way I am, but in all reality.....it's a journey. Longer for some then others and there is no rushing it.... in my opinion.
I hope you have a good support system in place. This has been key for me. I know that at any time, I have the prayer support of at least 15 people and a God who hears me cry out to him weekly. I would love to hear what lashes you or others use as I am once again on the prowl for a style that looks "normal." I have very small eyes which seems to make it harder.
I don't know if you are a person who believes in God or not, but I do want you to know that I will include you on my prayer list. You are not alone!!! Everyone around us is in a battle of one kind or another and one cannot understand something fully unless they have had to walk that road themselves. I wish we could go out to lunch ......we'd be able to really relate to each other. LOL I hope it helps to know that I and many others really do understand. BTW- this is the first time I have been brave enough to share....progress.
With Love and prayers,
Gracie
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To Kristin,and All,
I too am a woman of faith, and this helps me to understand that we are not always so readily in control of our situations and/or circumstances. I was diagnosed with centrifugal alopecia a few years ago. I am a youthful senior citizen, single, and actively employed; therefore, my outward appearance is important to me -- that is, what I present to the world when I leave the house. I wear wigs, (human hair) scarfs, and other fashionable hair cover even while at home because frankly, I don't like watching the slow process of hair loss. However, I am grateful that I was able to enjoy my own natural head of hair up until now -- although disappointing, alopecia must be much harder for a younger person to endure.
Now let's be real! Hair is an essential element to beauty in our society. I admire those who have completely accepted hair loss, and bring it to the forefront. The bottom line is that it's all about choice -- what works best for you in a less than perfect world. So I say cheer up, let's help each other through it, and thank God that we still live, and move, and have our being.
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Kristen - Thanks for sharing your heart. I'm now in month 16 with AU and have no hair anywhere on my body. Love not shaving my legs, but that is about the only positive thing I can come up with! I was never all about my looks, but I did appreciate my thick auburn hair. Now, I am wearing either a comfortable fleece hat or a semi-comfortable synthetic wig 24/7 and would give anything to not have to. My husband and three sons have never seen my bald head and I intend to keep it that way. I feel freakish and would prefer they don't have that image of me in their memories. I strongly recommend splurging on microbladed eyebrows (not standard tattooed eyebrows); I also had lower lid eyeliner tattooed, so I don't have to fuss with too much makeup one or more times per day. I found a Youtube video of a young British girl without eyelashes that is very helpful in teaching how to use gel eyeliner and shadow on upper lids to create the illusion of lashes. Hang in there - hoping we'll be among the lucky ones who eventually see some if not all hair return!
Nancy
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Permalink Reply by Jiggybear on
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Hi Kristen and the rest of the crew,
I totally know how you feel. I've had AA for 18 years and just this past June started losing my hair in handfuls due to a birth control (depo provera) that I was on for endometrosis. I have been wearing a wig since June and I don't like it either. In the summer I'd wear a hat most of the time.
The worst part for me is that my last name is Wig! I can laugh about it now but there were times I cried and cried about how cruel life is! I joke that I wouldn't have taken my husband's last name if I had known I'd end up like this.
Some days I feel awfully unattractive....but I don't let it ruin things on a daily basis. I stay positive for the most part because otherwise I'd be miserable all the time and that's just not my personality.
I'm hopeful that my hair will grow back once the medication is completely out of my system but who knows when that will be or if it will happen. Until then I'll wear my hats or my wig as I see fit.
Take care, sending positive vibes and healing thoughts your way.
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Permalink Reply by TrishO8 on
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HEY Kristen, My name is Trish. I HAVE HAD ALOPECIA UNIVERSALIS FOR 6 years now. I HAVE been using full lace, human hair wigs I order online from China. You can go to the beach, go on a roller coaster and live like a "normal " person, with little fear. I glue the piece on my scalp every 2 weeks, with touch ups in between. You can shower, shampoo and condition like the old days!. THE cost is 150$-250$ on average.I too get very frustrated, and have tattooed my eyebrows which are awesome!
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Hi Trish I just added you as friend:) I would love to know where from China you get your wigs from as there is a dizzying array of choices and I have made a few bad ones:(
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There are so many. IT'S CONFUSING. beauty lace is one, lace wigs buy. ... Google lace wigs and make sure it is all lace not lace front..I can usually find 1 for less than $200. It will last 2 months.
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Hi Trish,
I am intrigued by your wig description. Would you please post a couple websites that you've purchased from? I Googled as you suggested but the sites I've found are terrible for sorting through their 1,000s of styles. – I sort for short blond and end up with long brunette wigs!
Also, what brand of glue do you use? This is all new to me.
Many thanks!
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When I look up different sites, they all have the same generic pictures. Thus make me so nervous!!
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Hi Lucy,
I agree with every point you made, in particular:
• A synthetic wig is the way to go. It is so easy to maintain.
•You want your hair a bit "messy" as it looks much more natural.
•If the wig is too thick, it should be thinned. Here's a helpful video on how to do it if you are confident enough to do it yourself. I bought the special scissors on Amazon for about $15.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbF8ZPfZHVc
I want to add that you need to spend $175+ to get a natural looking wig. I especially love the wigs with dark roots.
As you said, "Enjoy and feel beautiful!" But it didn't happen overnight for me. I had to allow myself time to grieve the loss of my hair. As in many other difficult life situations the passage of time has made it easier for me.
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