Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jack on November 21, 2012 at 6:21am

You have clearly raised a happy child/adult, that's my biggest dream, so well done.

Permalink Reply by Dame on November 19, 2012 at 6:58pm

Hi Jack,
I am not here to state the obvious which many have done already. Getting older is never easy, however 30 is not even close to being old. I have had Alopecia since I was 4 years old, I am 25 now. This is disease is not an easy one... always a roller coaster ride. I have a young daughter and I my biggest fear is her getting this disease. That would absolutely break my heart because I know how society place a high amount of emphasis on hair. For reasons still not clear to me. When I was teen I tried everything, creams, shots, shampoos. I even used that hair in a can crap. It was stuff that I would spray on my spots and it was the same color as my natural hair. Nothing worked.. it would grow back and just fall out again. Then I finally came to the realization that no matter how much I hated it, I will have this for the rest of my life. So I stopped forcing my hair to grow and just decided to focus on what I can control. Once I had my daughter I knew that I rather her be proud of her mom accepting a disease she must live with than a mom who is ashamed. As I look back on my past I know I have went through much tougher things than my Alopecia but those were temporary setbacks. My Alopecia is not. However I made it in one piece and I will continue to do so. You are 30, you are YOUNG with a son who I am sure looks up to you, and while things may look bad, just know that you're not alone, and that change must come from you and how you let this define you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't question past decisions. Give yourself the time to grieve but don't get lost in it. Things will get better.. IF you allow them to. :) Hang in there!!!!-- Larisa

Permalink Reply by Jack on November 21, 2012 at 5:52am

Hi Larisa,
I can relate to your biggest fear! He also looks just like I did when I was a child and I really, really don't want to see him go through this 10-15 years from now. Thanks for the comment.

Permalink Reply by RonaldStone on November 19, 2012 at 9:02pm

I feel ya, for the most part. I don't have suicidal thoughts, well maybe when I was younger but I believe that was no more than anyone eles. There is so many other things to worry about, but alopecia is always like the Icing on the Damn cake. I never did shave, I'm soo pale even shaved were hair grows is visable and you can see the better blood flow to active folicles so I just kept the hair and went from comb over when I was younger to a comb foreward now. It probably looks silly but oh well. I think humans in general look silly so nobody has room to talk

Permalink Reply by Jack on November 21, 2012 at 5:40am

The icing on the damn cake, couldn't of said it better myself.

Permalink Reply by Norm on November 20, 2012 at 3:41pm

I was gonna say "Hi, Jack" but someone might think I was trying to take over a plane or something and shoot me.... so I'll just say "Hello" instead :)

But, Jack, wow. As one who went to full MPB by 24, I can relate to what it does to you at an early age. I shaved my head when I was 22 (back in '75, when no-one did it unless they were a famous actor!) and the extreme reactions I got were crazy! I had trouble getting dates, got shouted at in the street, you name it... but you know what? After a while I realised that I had to live a life on my terms, not theirs. So what if some people didn't like my head? That was their problem, and for them to deal with - and once I got to that stage - once I started to appear confident - life improved drastically. The name-calling stopped, the dates started, and I discovered that being bald wasn't the reason for the bad experiences. Having no hair doesn't matter in the slightest - except you save a fortune in shampoo and not paying barbers :)

You see, your lack of hair is just a convenient hook on which to hang your self-esteem issues. Do you really think that anyone else is concerned about the way you look? Think about it - when you walk down the street, do you look at everyone, and then categorise them as "loser" or "top dog" purely based on their hair or clothes? Naaah, 'course you don't. In fact, you don't even notice most of them. What you DO notice are the ones exuding confidence, and how many of those are actually good-looking? Very few, as it happens.
So, if you think people are reacting negatively to you, why do you think that might be? Could it be because you're coming across as someone who's perpetually down? How do YOU respond to someone like that? ...uh-huh, thought so - you don't tend to hang around... does that ring any bells? Yep, it's not the lack of hair!!! :)
Therefore, what can we do to turn you around? How can you begin to feel better about yourself?
I think it might help if you listed the things you have that you can be grateful for. I bet there are more than you suppose..... your son, your youth, the fabulous country you live in, the fact that you have the freedom to do just about anything you like, the fact that you CAN change yourself if you so desire - that's just a few, and I don't even know you. So come on, do some homework and make that list. You actually do have stuff to smile about! In fact, that's something you can do - try smiling at people you meet - I mean REALLY smiling - and see the positive reactions. Works like a charm, every time!

I hope you don't think I'm having a go at you here, cos I'm not. I really understand where you're at, but you have to realise that the only person who can get you out of the dark place you're in is YOU. As others have suggested, go and see a professional if you need to, but start off by realising that you're worth something.... as you can see, there are already several peeps on here who think so!

Permalink Reply by Jack on November 21, 2012 at 5:35am

Hi Norm.
Not once did I think you were having a go at me, so please don't worry. I also think you are right about a convenient hook on which to hang my self-esteem issues. I have always had low self-esteem, so you can imagine what losing my hair straight out of school did to my confidence, I refused more education and refused work where I couldn't wear headwear, which left me with very limited options. I built an ok low-key life for myself over the next 8 years than bam, divorce, ripped my young son away, my home and plenty of cash, left me with very little. I guess I'm just sad and blame all my issues on my head.

Permalink Reply by ShoCorona on November 23, 2012 at 7:37pm

hey there Jack....... I thought I would reply to you as your post caught my eye. Listen you gotta start having confidence in yourself and create positivity around you. One of my best male friends was balding at age 14 and was completely bald by the time he was 21. I have known others to go through the same thing at different ages! It shouldn't matter, even though you feel at times like you are the only person going through this scarey cycle.
I have always been known for my long flowing hippy hair until it all fell out within 10days last summer. It's only hair and it's how we see ourselves and others that is important. I couldn't go out and my long term relationship ended along with a couple of friendships too. I thought my world had ended and that there was nowhere for me to go, roll onto to now and the world and ME are in a better place. I like being an individual and have always liked being different which is how I see my alopecia, rock it Jack it's the best way to deal with it :) :) It's tough but a crisis to an individual is important for it is how we deal with it and move on in our lives. People in society are always going to make cruel jokes be it about the fat person, the skinny one, the one with the glasses, the bald one and so forth. People have prejudices unfortunately but that's life. For bringing up your son all you have to remember is to be there for him, offer him praise and support and be open in answering his questions. It's good that you are thinking about him, a credit to your life eh? Also what is normal? Normal to me may be different to what is normal for you.. it's how we view life and how we have been brought up that reflects our beliefs and values.
I don't want to be too personal here but it sounds like you have depressive type symptoms along with anxiety and low self esteem. I'm a qualified mental health nurse and reading your post highlighted these issues, do you have someone professional you can talk to? and what is your support network like?? These are important area's for us to assist us cope through extremities in life.
Anyhoo Jack, I won't go rabbiting on here for ever, just try and stay positive and believe in yourself. there are so many of us scattered across the world that are thinking negatively and feeling like we are alone. But we're not, you will have and will get lots of excellent supportive and understanding people on here to listen toy your worries.... hiPpy diPpy hugs shO :)

Permalink Reply by Gill on November 24, 2012 at 4:15pm

I really do feel for you but your not alone everyone here is in the same situation I have lost nearly all my hair only have strands left and yes I have bad days where I think the whole world is against me then then I wipe my tears and remember that there are a lot worse things that can happen in life. You will find someone one day that loves u for who u are and as for ur friends that u say u lost they were not true friends and dnt deserve ur time. Keep ya chin up
Best wishes

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