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I'm an alien
I have a 7 year old daughter who is used to me with a wig. The other day she pushed me soooo far with some nonsense that I actually pulled my wig off my head and said, "Do you see this?!?! I am sooo stressed out right now that all my hair is GONE NOW!" She looked me straight in the eye and said, "whatever, you look like an Alien!"
By the time my jaw got back up off the floor she was sleeping and my husband reminded me (calmed me down) that I'm "human" and can't say anything stupid in retaliation. "When she gets up we'll talk to her."
So when she got up I asked her why she said what she said and she replied, "because you look weird and you won't get mad at me so I said it."
Wow, my own kid is bullying me....
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Helen on
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This is all so difficult and frustrating. Mom with hair, I appreciate your mentioning, walking in someone elses shoes. I try to advise myself the way I would if my daughter had aa. Sometimes it works, most of the time not, but I would tell her over and over how beautiful she is and even make light of it when possible. I lost all of my long blonde hair in 2 months at the age of 49. I have been devastated since (I will soon turn 53). I uIse to be funny (class clown 1978), but not any more. Once in a while there is a good! chuckle which I find very therapeutic. Example: buying every color reduced for clearance wig after halloween, ... blue is not my color. We aa's have a lot inside and sometimes it comes out improperly. We should not beat ourselves up with it. I too no longer make eye contact unless absolutely necessary. Something that has helped though, I paint on t-shirts. On the front I write "Yes, I'm bald", on the back I write " ... It's Alopecia Arreata". Sometimes I accessorize with a painted cap depending on my mood. ie: "bald is not beautiful" or "makes a great canvas for a tattoo" or simply "no, its not cancer". Children can say hurtful things. At certain ages they mean nothing of it. This may sound odd but I have learned through the years that if my daaughter says something mean or hurtful, what she is really trying to say is "I love you". Children lash out to the people they are closest to. So I will take my advice and if my daughter screams at me "you look like an alien", I will reply (not feciously), thank you, and I love you
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Permalink Reply by Chrissy on
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Well, my alopecia was brought on by a stress trigger, and that was when I was 15. Now I am 36 and still bald. Sometimes we can't always keep from saying things to sassy girls when they press buttons, as they often times do. My 5 year old told me that I looked like a skeleton and then asked if I was going to die soon just to push my buttons when she was angry with me because I wouldn't buy her a toy at Target.
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Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on
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Sassy! I like that, that describes her! That's exactly what she does, if she doesnt have it her way she says hurtful things.
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Permalink Reply by MaddiiBoo on
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Like others have said, I think it was not the best decision on your part to relate her stress to your hair loss. I know you may not have meant that she is causing your hair loss, but sometimes, what we say and what others hear is not the same. You shouldn't use your alopecia as a part of parenting. I don't think she meant to attack your alopecia specifically. From what I read, it seems like she was just looking for a way to hurt you back. She didn't like feeling blamed and you probably didn't mean to make her feel that way. You should probably talk to her and let her know she is not causing your hair loss. I don't think you want her to take this with her for the rest of her life or carry the guilt of making her mother lose her hair. It's hard being stuck with Alopecia and it's probably even harder being a parent, but this is my most sincere advice as an adult who is not yet a parent.
However, you are not an alien and your daughter is not bullying you. She just reacted to the best of her seven year old knowledge. Don't stress yourself over it. If you're an alien so are the rest of us. So at least you're not alone. :p
Hope you're feeling better.
xx
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Permalink Reply by Debbie on
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I think you should have grabbed a handful of her shirt. Bald or not, you are still her mother and that was disrespctful.
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Ohhhh Ive been there!!! Dont want to hurt her though and at times I want to knock some sense into her!!!!
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Permalink Reply by wantmyhairlovemywigs on
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You are no alien! If that were the case myself and every one with Alopecia would be too! And we are proud to say we are not! First, you must be strong and yes a 7 yr old can tell how to push someone's button. At this point in your life you must work with what u have and the things you dont have,hair being one of them, you can let get to you! I know it's hard, but walk around with no hair, take your daughter for walks without hair!!! Accessorize!!! The less attention you show with your hair loss the less attention you will get and your 7 yr old should live mommy with or without hair and never really call you out your name!!! Be strong!! And be beautiful!
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Thank you for reading and commenting! My daughter sees my smooth head everyday but that Princess has a way of finding ways to say nasty things...I honestly never tried walking around bare with her outside. I always make sure I wrap up or have a wig in front of her classmates. She hates me with no hair I don't think I could humiliate her by walking about bald and proud, though that would be awesome! My husband on the other hand is like take that hat off who cares you're beautiful!
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I first want to thank everyone who commented and even shared their own experiences, your response and comments have been amazing, good and bad!
Now, would you like me to tell you what started the battle???
I have a beautiful 3 month old son who is Colic...as he cried and turned red I asked my daughter, who was playing on her ipod, to please pause the game and help mom and grab a bottle. She replied (grab your mouth), "I didn't have the kid, he's yours. Get it yourself!" I told her please I do so much for you I just am asking you to help me right now. Afterall, She's right, he is mine but I really need her right now and then as the baby screamed and screamed and we went back and forth, I, in rage and frustration grabbed my wig and ripped it off my head and said what I said. She then replied, "whatever, you look like an Alien!" As a tear rolled down my face from frustration, stress and being called a friggin' Alien by my child, I walked to the kitchen with a screaming baby and got the bottle myself.
She sat there with her ipod and kept playing as I silently cried and returned to the bedroom to feed him. My husband was working overtime and was not home-otherwise this whole situation would have been cut short.
So, bullying is a tough word...Ive been bullied as a child with my disease. Maybe bullying was a bad choice of words, but this is not the first time she said something nasty when things weren't going her way.
Two weeks ago I was showing her the new Barbie's given to Alopecia children. I was so excited I shared the pictures of them with her. I said, "hey Maddie I should get one and my Barbie can play with yours and go on your new Barbie Cruise Ship!' She said, "Wow, that's creepy I don't want mine to go bald!" I have had that "You Cant Catch This" talk with her a million times...my kid is turning into THAT kid.... I have many insidents and stories like this, but I was so frustrated that I wanted to share the "Alien" story at the time.
Again, thank you! And if you have anything else to say, please share, I am soooo open for ideas!!
xoxoxErica
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That iPod needs to be confiscated and she needs to understand that there are consequences for her actions. Sorry to hear that you've got a tough one on your hands. Stay strong and hang in there.
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Permalink Reply by Sheila Pinder on
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Your daughter sounds as if she has had very little discipline to display this behavior at such a young age. No child should talk to their parent that way!!! There would be no iPod. There would be no toys either. Does this child have any chores? Is the daughter a step-daughter? Is the baby are step-sibling? There are so many unknown issues here.
First, from reading your comments, your self esteem seems low. I have been shaving my head now for almost three years. I walk tall and proud! You have to lift yourself up and have faith God will give you the strength you need. If you put yourself down, so will your daughter!
Second, you mentioned that your daughter would not have acted this way if your husband was home. She should respect you as a mother whether your husband is home or not.
Third, your daughter should be told about your various illnesses and the characteristics that may result from them.
Fourth, from reading all your responses, I think your daughter may be jealous of the baby. A child that age acting that way often acts out because of some internal issue going on.
Fifth, your daughter is blessed! If I had talked that way to my mother I would be wearing dentures! I know times have changed and parents are not suppose to hit their children, but that is the reason so much bullying and hatred exists among today's youth.
Finally, not trying to be sarcastic and I sincerely hope this does not happen, but I sure hope your daughter knows how to fight. There will be that one child who will not take her smart comments and has a zero tolerance of bullying. You may also encounter a parent of a child who your daughter has bullied. Now is the time to find out what the underlying cause is of your daughter's behavior.
You may want to consider working on your self-worth and self-image. You will always receive some stares and some comments from people who lack knowledge about Alopecia. Learn to deal with it positively and set a positive example for your daughter. There is an old saying, "What goes around comes around." Your daughter could be in for a tough road ahead.
Try to stay positive!
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Permalink Reply by chris for hair on
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She sounds like an unhappy child and she is running the show. Even though I don't condone bullying etc. this girl needs to be set straight. Does she really need that Ipod, Barbie,etc?
I realize it is not the same (to most people) but I train dogs and horses, once they get the upper hand it takes true diligence and usually a long time to get them back into line. Never cruel, but a very strong hand with no room for discussion. You do not have to explain, she won't hear it anyway, and you are doing her no favor by trying to be "good" to her. If she continues in this fashion to adulthood no one will put up with her.
I think love her, let her know you love her but take back your power.
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