I'm an alien

I have a 7 year old daughter who is used to me with a wig. The other day she pushed me soooo far with some nonsense that I actually pulled my wig off my head and said, "Do you see this?!?! I am sooo stressed out right now that all my hair is GONE NOW!" She looked me straight in the eye and said, "whatever, you look like an Alien!"

By the time my jaw got back up off the floor she was sleeping and my husband reminded me (calmed me down) that I'm "human" and can't say anything stupid in retaliation. "When she gets up we'll talk to her."

So when she got up I asked her why she said what she said and she replied, "because you look weird and you won't get mad at me so I said it."

Wow, my own kid is bullying me....

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Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on April 16, 2013 at 10:31pm
Thank you for the great ideas!! I also want to stress that my daughter does not and I hope will not talk like this to anyone but me. I wanted to get this out because I feel like you said, if she's confident enough to say it to me why not anyone else?!

My older kids get it, but in our town bald is Cancer...People won't stare they won't ask, if anyone whispers, it's aww poor girl she must have Cancer. I need to find a group out there where I can bring my daughter and she can see others like me. She has been raised to say her pleases, thank yous, excuse me, and she does it well outside our house. If she feels a certain way about someone "different" she tells me she doesnt say it aloud to them. Thats why I feels she bullys me, and only me.

I show her pictures of kids with Alopecia and I show her the new dolls and she kind of rolls her eyes, like mom enough. Or, she says, "well thats creepy!"

I dont know what to say anymore, Ive said it all! Now I just cross my fingers and pray!
I ask her why it's creepy, she just won't respond...somethings cooking inside her mind and I can't get her to reveal it.

Thanks again!!! You really said some great things!
Xoxo
Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on April 17, 2013 at 1:57am

She may be getting this from her friends and THEIR fearful parents or grandparents. Why not invite the best friends of your daughter and their moms to accompany you to a Q & A session at one of these places where there are bald little girls, too:

New York www.naaf.org
Support Groups

Long Island, NY
Margaret Staib
631.680.0148

Manhattan, NY
Jodi Schaiman
917.399.9892

Bedford, NY
Nancy Maniscalco
914.837.3055

Binghamtom, NY
Karen King
607.760.0143

Albany, NY
Robyn Signorelli
518.591.0371

Telephone Contact
Buffalo, NY
Nancy DiBella
716.876.7214

Rochester, NY
Barbara Figura
585.872.4617

Highland Mills, NY
Diana Smith
914.523.1135

New York City, NY
Marc Glashofer, MD
917.660.6952

Permalink Reply by youarebeautiful on April 20, 2013 at 11:19pm

Thank you so much for posting this one. I've often wondered how I would answer my chldren if they had questions;or how would I deal with it if they taunted me because of wearing a wig. After the dust settles, your daughter will appreciate your transparency.

Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on April 23, 2013 at 11:37pm

No, theres never a settling...they will either get it..or wont care to get it... She still can't deal. I am still an alien and creepy. However, by posting this I have asked her why she says this and she stands firm, "well...you are creepy and you are weird.." Now, I just say, if people are different you are not going to poke fun?...she says, 'no why would I make fun of other people." So Obviously I'm missing something, It's ok to make fun of me but not others? LOL...as long as our kids are not making fun of others, as long as they understand to repect other people...we move on

Permalink Reply by Oneida on April 21, 2013 at 8:34pm

You did not do anything wrong it would have taken everything in me to hold my composer she already said you wont get mad she was testing you anyway when my son was young when he did things I did not approve of whether it was talking rude doing something wrong first spanking then I would let him know I was very disappointed he would get at least a 8 hour no conversation it would drive him crazy that I was not talking to him every parent knows their child if it takes a spanking do it

Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on April 23, 2013 at 11:43pm

No, spanking, it has no meaning to my kid.

That's why I went to the extreme...My kid gets this whole "thing" she just chooses to be a brat. She is testing me...I dont know why-she gets everything she wants, but I honestly think that I am sick...and that bothers her. If I was well and bald it wouldnt be a big deal...but she is mad at me because she is scared that Im sick

Permalink Reply by ienneleigh on April 24, 2013 at 3:00pm

Hi Erica, You hit it right on the nail regarding your daughter being upset that you're sick. We learned through therapy & family counseling that at their age, they don't know how to respond to crisis, such as a parent's illness, or their own illness, so they act out with anger / frustration, and they will lash out, without realizing they're being hurtful. I was diagnosed with cancer about a year before my daughter lost her hair completely, so things really crashed down on her world. She became withdrawn socially and from us. She also had her outbursts. We attributed all that to adolescent rebellion, so we came down hard on her. Both my husb and I learned later on that by not reacting to her angst, and by continually dousing her with love, and positive reinforcement.. continually reinforce the right behavior, still be firm with the discipline, while at the same time dousing her with A LOT of love and support.. we all got through it. With four kids at such a young age, and your daughter still being so young, you have a long road. Please hang in there. Know that there are a lot of us here rooting for you, focus on Love and Support. If you give it, you'll get it in return. Let God handle the moments that you need him the most. AND,,, if at all feasible, find a really good LICENSED, reputable, and QUALIFIED family therapist. You may have to go through a few to find a good one, so be patient. GOD BLESS YOU, and I'm sending you lots of love your way... HUGS!!!!

Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on May 2, 2013 at 12:11am

Thank you! My mother always said, "God only gives you what you can handle." I really test that....but am a firm believer, so I know some day I'll find a way to deal with this situation, I am very grateful for your thougts, thank you!

Permalink Reply by Cindie on April 25, 2013 at 6:40pm

"She gets everything she wants." That's the problem, Miss Erica! In the "real world", we don't "get everything we want." If you don't teach that to her "the easy way", life has a way of teaching it "the hard way"

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