In ruins

I have recently split with my partner as she has been incapabile of an intimate relationship for 5 years due to physical and mental issues that she has attended therapy for years for. Two years in to this realationship my hair started to fall. I now have no eyebrows, no lashes and patches all over my head which are very obvious even after a wet shave. I feel my self asteam and confidence is at an all time low and at 28 and newly single this is no way to be. To top it all shes moved out with my little boy three weeks ago and for a women who apparently "cant be with anyone" and "wouldnt want to" I have found out that she has been arranging to meet other men and have discoved tonight that she has come round and taken a packet of condoms from our family house (an packet unopened for 5 years I might add). After all this time I feel I have stood by this girl, longing for her for years and she has left me in ruins. She was letting me see my son every day but when I became emotional at her actions she said could only now see him 3 times a week for a couple of hours and that it was my own fault. My family and friends have been amazing and tell me I will get over and move on from this. I would normally draw from my inner confidence to do this but when you're riddeled with alopecia you just dont have much confidence left. At the moment I am wondering how I will re-build my life. Everyone says they cant believe I have been through this for 5 years without telling anyone and that my hair will come back when I feel better about things. I just pray to God that day comes. Has any one out there had a good recovery after the removal of massive stress for their life?

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Permalink Reply by caroline knight on February 9, 2011 at 8:46pm
yes i lost half of my hair 23years ago when i was 20 and it came all back within 5mths or so then over the years stress wud cause a single 10pence peice size wich wud always grow back so never much of a problem sadly 23 years later last august it started to go again n by xmas i had lost it all including my eyebrows and eyelashes!!! so im always hopeful hang in there m8 u will get beter and beter able 2 handle it wiv time if its any cosilation a lot of women think men wiv shaved head r well hot take care :@)
Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on February 9, 2011 at 9:00pm
Your break up is devastating and not seeing your son as often as you want is awful. Please don't blame alopecia for this and don't allow it to be the excuse that keeps you from moving on. My daughter developed AU her senior year in highschool and she had a wonderful boyfriend that stood beside her. He broke up with her last summer and she curled up and cried and said no boy would ever love her again. After a couple of days, yes days, she was dating again. She went off to college and has had a great time dating and one boy that knew about her alopecia told her he had feelings for her. This did not work out but let her know the alopecia is not going to stop someone from loving her. She is back with her old boyfriend but knows that this is not her only chance at love. Please get counsel over the relationship and move on.
Permalink Reply by Greg on February 10, 2011 at 5:10am
Hi Andy,

You're fighting a good fight on so many fronts, never mind the Alopecia, it can't be easy at the moment!
All the info I've got to-date indicates that removing stresses from your life can only help (and again, not just with Aloppecia...with everything!).
Sure stress may only be a "trigger", but once it's there, it's there.

Best advice I got from on here was, just get on with things. You are still you. And you are the same as you were with hair.

These are big things that you have hanging over you.
Break them down into small things.
And then just do the small things. One by one.

Not much help to you I'm sure but stay strong and seek out the people and things in your life that make you stronger.

HTH, Greg
Permalink Reply by asdf234 on April 9, 2012 at 8:32am

People are amazing. When seemingly normal people do such cruel things, it is confusing. I am currently reading a good book on this. It's Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me.
People justify cruelty to others by defining the other person as bad, therefore justifying their mean actions. There's a chapter on relationships. It explains why people continue to be cruel when the relationship is over. Her cruelty is evidence of her denial of feelings of guilt. She must believe she is a good person, and a good person wouldn't be cruel to another good person, therefore you must not be good. It's a circular argument that tends to perpetuate the cruelty. It doesn't mean you aren't deserving of love. It's all in her head and you can't control someone else's feelings. The best thing you can do is stop caring what she thinks, and nurture yourself so you will be ready for a healthy relationshipwhen it comes along.

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