I am still adjusting to life in a wig. For me, it is harder than adjusting to AA. When I first realised (or acknowledged,rather) that these spots were only going to get worse and that I had to accept them, my natural reaction was to shave my head and just live with it. I never liked the idea of wearing a wig and had no intention of it at first. I was just gearing up to be "naked- headed" as my son put it. During that process I talked about it a lot with my friends at work. There was one dear friend who was insistent that I would need a wig and so I began to think she was right even though that caused a lot more anxiety. I'm not sure why, but it did. So I began browsing wigs online and not long after I went to a few shops in town and started trying them to see which one I would want. After years, stress and three visits, I settled on one. Dear friend even took it upon herself to raise money at work to make sure I got a high-quality one. I like the way it looks - it's pretty. I even bought a second wig that is shorter and more practical. But, overall, I feel uncomfortable in them. And I'm not talking about the physical feel it but that I feel a bit depressed in it. Like I'm not good enough as-is. I feel obligated to wear a wig, especially at work, because of the donation partly but also like that's what is expected and preferred. When I don't wear it, I feel like I'm disappointing someone in some way. And now that everyone there has seen me with my shaved head and 2 different wigs, they all have opinons about which is best. And boy do they LOVE to let me know! I wish I hadn't given in to the pressure and gotten a wig at all. I wish I knew how to undo it. An attitude of "this is how I am, deal with it" has been sacrificed for fears, doubts, insecurities, unnecessary obligations and being wasteful.

Views: 611

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Tears not years. This thing really needs an edit function.

All you have to do is explain how you feel. Just because you were given a wig does not mean you HAVE to wear it. They have already seen you without hair, you look beautiful with out hair, just tell how you feel and leave it at that.

Or, you could wear it sometimes and not at other times. Nothing says you need to wear a wig all the time. It is just like wearing different clothes. You don't wear the same thing every day. Hair is a fashion accessory.

Susan, I would just say you are going to save your wig for special occasions (that will make your work colleagues feel good that they donated toward the purchase of a wig) then just go 'au natural' at work from now on. I wear my wig At work, I wear buffs, bandanas at other times. You must be true to yourself and if u don't want to wear wig please don't. The corporate world is harsh but has to allow for diversity !!! In fact not to respect diversity is likely to break employment guides within your company.

Do what feels right.

Best of luck
Susan, I'm sure in the end your colleagues will be happy when you're happy. Just explain that you're more comfortable now than you were in the past and their support has been much appreciated. Be comfortable for you, be yourself.

Thank you, Vicki. I think that phrasing will be very useful. Even just having it on the tip of my tongue, just in case, will ease my anxiety.

Hi

Reading your post I think what you are dealing with is quite a complicated situation for you.   The kindness that has been shown to you by your work colleagues was obviously well intentioned, but in hindsight possible not what you needed to feel like you.  

I've discussed the want to wear wigs with my daughter and many dear friends who have alopecia.  Through their insight I have realised this is absolutely personal and individual and therefore totally up to you.

My daughter has explained to me that even though she is absolutely ok without her hair, she prefers to wear a her wig while in public.  She has explained that she never asked to have no hair and if she had the choice, she never would have wanted this for herself...of course she didn't have the choice, so her decision was to find a wig that made her feel like her while working to educate those around her what alopecia actually means to her and why her choices (no matter what they are)need to be supported.

Educating people (about your hairloss and what that means to you), and putting yourself out there whether with hair or without can be overwhelming and sometimes it just seems easier to go with what most want.  But as you see that isn't really working for you.  So, rethink your choices and discuss this with those you love.  Telling them you need their full support as you are working through this in the best way you know how...even if it isn't what they want for you.

I'm so confident that you will be able to work this out and feel better about whatever choice you make.

Rosy 

Thank you!

I'm reading between the lines- you have a good friend who insisted you needed a wig and then insisted on raising money for your first wig? That's really sweet of her yet it sounds like it's her agenda.  Ya know what I mean?  I think I know what you mean.  Having alopecia, dealing with it, wearing wigs or not wearing wigs - it's all a learning process. Sounds like, if I'm correct, in the midst of everything, your personal boundaries were a bit fuzzy. Understandably - it's all a process of deciding what you want to do and how you want to live and what makes you feel comfortable.   If it's possible, I would try to consciously just decide to go out every day and do what you feel is best for you.  One day you want to wear a wig - great!   You want to switch styles or colours - great!  Wear a scarf or be bald - go for it.   Just take one day at a time. So that morning when you head out - just decide to do what you want that day and tell yourself just for "today" you'll not worry about people's opinion.   Head out to work and try to avoid the alopecia discussion.  Perhaps over time your work friends will learn it's (your alopecia) is no longer up for debate and discussion.   And then over time they will stop offering their opinions and two cents.  There are always people who offer unsolicited advice. I guess it's good to smile, nod and pretend you are listening and then do whatever the hell you want!!!      I don't know if I've read your post correctly - I hope I helped. I went through similar thing at my work place. My hair fell out on my desk and I was balding by the hour and it was traumatic.  Of course, talking to people, opening myself up - people feel they can comment and advise at any time.  Sigh. It's just human nature, I guess.  Do what you want to do!   If you don't like wigs, just say "screw it".    I like the way you look without any wig!  Your face is alive and beautiful! :)

 That is very helpful, thank you! It is such a stressful learning process and it's hard to know how you're really going to feel until you are experiencing. Allowing myself to not worry about what anyone thinks just for "today" will be a helpful exercise. Thank you for the advice and compliments!

If you tell your friend how you feel she will understand you. There is no need for you to wear it everyday, just wear it when you want to. A wig is a thing adding confidence and beauty on you, not a thing to give you burden and pressure. i think your friend's starting point is also to make you look better and feel better. you really should tell your real feeling to her, and just do what makes you comfortable.

I feel like you might need some WIGS. I also have bought their home wig, I feel very good.

RSS

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

© 2021   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service