Alopecia World
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Need advice on coping
Dear all,
I have been reading the discussion for sometime, but never put my discussion here at all. I myself do not have alopecia, but my husband does. It started since last year from AA and progress to AU in almost 8 months, before he went to AU. We started our medication Prednisolone and Cyclosporine and we have seen some regrowth once the AU did it course. I am not sure he got some regrowth because of the medication or not. We continue the medication for a half year and the regrowth seemed to be promising until the doctor lower the steroid from 10 mg to 5 mg. After that for month, his hairs started to fall out again. We put the medication back to the same dose two weeks ago and the hair doesn't seem to stop falling out. I am afraid that it is going to be AU again. For me, I don't mind he will be bald or not. I just can't stand seeing my husband in grief. He always has tears in his eyes and complaints that what he's done wrong to get AU. Sometimes, he is strong and saying that he doesn't care after shaving his head. But, he cried at night and said he doesn't want to meet people. We have been in this cycle for a year now, I just wonder how to help him cope with this. He knows I always love him and support him, but it seems my happiness and his happiness is depending on whether his hair stay or not now. I woke up with my heart broken everyday when i saw his patches grew more and more on his shaving head. He didn't notice this yet. I am so afraid that his eye brows will be thinning again and I don't know how to handle this if his round of AA is getting to AU and he will fall in grief again. We had a plan of having a kid, but I just realize that may be he is not ready. Or having kids will help him being stronger? What should I do, let him cope by himself? Is it hard for a guy to cope with this? My husband is Asian, not so many bald head in where we live so.. may be it is even harder? Anything i can do to support him? Thank you very much for your comments!
I have been reading the discussion for sometime, but never put my discussion here at all. I myself do not have alopecia, but my husband does. It started since last year from AA and progress to AU in almost 8 months, before he went to AU. We started our medication Prednisolone and Cyclosporine and we have seen some regrowth once the AU did it course. I am not sure he got some regrowth because of the medication or not. We continue the medication for a half year and the regrowth seemed to be promising until the doctor lower the steroid from 10 mg to 5 mg. After that for month, his hairs started to fall out again. We put the medication back to the same dose two weeks ago and the hair doesn't seem to stop falling out. I am afraid that it is going to be AU again. For me, I don't mind he will be bald or not. I just can't stand seeing my husband in grief. He always has tears in his eyes and complaints that what he's done wrong to get AU. Sometimes, he is strong and saying that he doesn't care after shaving his head. But, he cried at night and said he doesn't want to meet people. We have been in this cycle for a year now, I just wonder how to help him cope with this. He knows I always love him and support him, but it seems my happiness and his happiness is depending on whether his hair stay or not now. I woke up with my heart broken everyday when i saw his patches grew more and more on his shaving head. He didn't notice this yet. I am so afraid that his eye brows will be thinning again and I don't know how to handle this if his round of AA is getting to AU and he will fall in grief again. We had a plan of having a kid, but I just realize that may be he is not ready. Or having kids will help him being stronger? What should I do, let him cope by himself? Is it hard for a guy to cope with this? My husband is Asian, not so many bald head in where we live so.. may be it is even harder? Anything i can do to support him? Thank you very much for your comments!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Research is finding that alopecia is related to genes, so your husband was born with this potential. He did not "do anything," and we do not know yet what triggers the hair to come and go. I had AU once, but only AT now. No one knows how this will go...but it is not his...or my...FAULT. Just "luck" of the genes. Did anyone in his family have diabetes or rheumatoid arthritis? Similar genes are involved. See July 2010 research, and go to www.naaf.org site.
We all can still do all other non-hair-related things in life...if we choose to.
He may not look like his old self, but he sure can present a new image with his new self. It is all a matter of getting used to something, with new eyes and attitude.
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on
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Aimee,
You are so right about freeing yourself from worrying about a cure. I tried the shots, Biotin, Iron, and the light box 3x a week for 15 minutes a day for 3 months. I know it was stress that triggered the Alopecia and now I was stressing about getting to the doctors every other day on time with 2 kids. After 3 months and no new hair growth I said I'm done. I am not at the point of being able to go out in public bald yet, but I know it's coming. I have finally gotten to the point that I am telling family and friends and reaching out to others like us. I once heard someone say, "I asked God why me? He said, "Why not you?" This is true. Why not me? Now it's time to get over it and keep moving forward.
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Permalink Reply by R0BB on
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Ditto on what both TG and Aimee suggest. Awesome advice from great ladies.
Kudos to you again for being such a solid support system to your Husband during his time of struggle.
As a fellow " fellow" myself , I think if you help drill these simple and positive ideas into his head deep enough , things will be easier. The key is to get to the place in his head where he realizes that the true important and rewarding thing to cherish in life, is his great supportive lady rather than his current hairstyle or lack there of.
Keep it up and happiness to both of you !
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Permalink Reply by Amily on
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Thank you all for your support. I don't know how long my husband can cope with this. Watching him struggling is painful, but I will try to do my best to put positive attitudes in his head..
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Introduce him to other men with alopecia ASAP, so he has some male support. Find a group or phone contact at www.naf.org for your area.
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Thanks Tall Girl and Tan B. I will! We will try to be positive! My husband may come to this site sometime soon.
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Top work with the positive support!
I'm through the back end of the same thing. Get your husband on here, posting under any name he likes, but get him on here! Talking about it really helped me cope. And I'm not one for the whole 'talk it out' thing. What a relief to be able to let all my worries find a helpful ear on the forums!
Best of luck with it all, he will get used to it, it will get better :)
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