Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stars-r-Aligned on March 25, 2017 at 6:27pm

Wow that was messed up of him to do.

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Permalink Reply by Siella scott on March 11, 2017 at 9:48pm

On phone. To hard to refine errors. Screw em! Please read between the typos. Thx

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Permalink Reply by Saitama on March 11, 2017 at 4:33pm

Man I feel you - alopecia really sucks when it comes to dating and I am badly struggling with it too (28 male here).

I have had Alopecia Universalis since my very early 20's (went from fullhead to nothing within a month) plus the disease is eating away at all my finger and toenails (they're all practically gone now). There's no denying that losing all hair from your face and head makes a difference in one's dating life since it changes your entire appearance. Ignore those heartless, insensitive people telling you to "grow some balls" and "man up", it's good that you've come here to vent since there's really no other place you can go where people can understand what you're going through.

Dating is tough enough for normal people and being young and bald (or in our case, ultra-bald) puts dating on ultra-hard mode since appearance is so important at that age. Sure confidence and personality plays a big role too, but looks get you in the door and are a very important component in physical attraction for many people, which alopecia directly affects.

Only advice I can give is to get off Tinder (or any online dating for that matter) as those are only for women and physically attractive men. Real life is where it's at for us baldies since we can show off more of our body language and personality (it may not make up for it, but it does help). Plus I don't want to tell you to lower your standards, but you may have to if you want to get a date while being ugly as you say (I definitely had to when I got my AU). Also, don't give up on trying to get your own place etc as it's important not just for dating, but also for your own wellbeing and development into a fully functioning adult.

Feel free to come here to vent though - this place is a godsend for us alopecians and a lot of us understand what you're experiencing.

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on March 13, 2017 at 12:17pm

If you do not want relationship, which are what normal human beings usually want, then to just be in the presence of those with outward "beauty", just sit among people who look like that at bars, gyms, colleges, and in fantasyland via magazines, TV and movies. Try not to get arrested for staring. However, for your own reputation and health, avoid the one-night-stands. It is not a Playboy Magazine world anymore. Women are smarter than that. Work on your attitude and language for awhile, and consider the inner value of humans...including yourself. Online dating sites usually attract those who judge by photos anyway. Personally, I think meeting through friends at house parties or clubs works better for acceptance, as long as you talk honestly, share laughs, and grow to know someone over the course of a few hours or weeks.

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Permalink Reply by Sad1995 on March 16, 2017 at 9:25am

Women are obsessed with appearance. Constantly buying the newest most stylish clothes, fancy purses, jewelry , make up etc... They do not care about language or attitude unless you are already attractive to them. It's meaningless for me to waste time trying to develop inner qualities when 99% of women think I'm ugly.

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Permalink Reply by Dayna on January 14, 2019 at 11:55pm

I'm going to stop you right there. I acknowledge you are upset and having alopecia sucks, BUT have you ever considered your hatred towards women is what makes you unattractive? 

The way you talk about women is concerning to me. I wouldn't want to date someone who stereotyped me and assumed I was vain just because of my gender. 

As a long-term relationship girl myself, I don't really have experience with "flings". However, I would assume they are similar to regular relationships where you hope the other person actually likes you as opposed to someone who is just using you for sex and secretly hates all women.

The bottom line, I wouldn't date someone who talked about me like this.  

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Permalink Reply by Hilary on March 16, 2017 at 2:41am

I used to think the same, why should I lower my standards just because I have no hair? I now have the most handsomest boyfriend. It will happen for you too keep your head up

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Permalink Reply by Sad1995 on March 16, 2017 at 9:21am

You were able to get a "hot" boyfriend because men don't care about looks as much as women. As long as a girl is over all attractive most men won't care if she is bald/wears a wig. Women on the other hand find 99% of bald men ugly. We are not equals.

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Permalink Reply by gldean1988 on March 16, 2017 at 9:52am

You really should check out a book called, "This Book will make you feel beautiful." It's really in our heads when we think other people are as pre-occupied with our flaws as we are.

"In your 20s and 30s, you worry what others think of you. In your 40s and 50s, you stop worrying what others think. In your 60s and 70s, you realize they were never thinking they were never thinking of you in the first place. "

Everyone in the world is as insecure as you are. It's a part of the human condition. Remember, people aren't as worried about you. They're prob more worried about how you feel about then, or how they feel about themselves.

Inside our brains, there are these things called mirror neurons. It's the thing that makes babies smile back at us. It's the thing that makes us adopt the feelings and behaviors of those around us. So, when you're comfortable with yourself, you spread that to others. When you're not comfortable, you can make others uncomfortable, too.

Have you ever of the famous Mexican mural artist Diego Rivera? Well, he was notoriously fat and unattractive, but he also slayed hundreds, if not a 1000, ladies. He was always getting some! His first wife said, "when he looks at you, you can see the beauty he sees (in her). It's contagious. I've known guys like this. They were ugly, but got tons of play.

And you keep mentioning the double standard of men and women, let me explain something. Yes--- It's easier to get laid as a woman. But, there's also more expectations of how attractive a woman should be. I have a wear make up, uncomfortable ass heels and fix my hair and all kinds of things not required of men. Also, when you're a woman, you eventually realize that getting laid isn't a compliment. If he'll sleep with you but not introduce you to his friends because he's ashamed is no good for anyone's ego.

I don't know what to tell you. I don't have the answers. My opinions worth 2 cents.

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Permalink Reply by Return_life on March 16, 2017 at 7:54pm

exactly... ur 2 cents that doesn't worth anything. who the **** are you to tell him to grow a pair?

Now to u OP, Sad, dude listen to me. same happened to me at 21. and trust me, you didn't face the worst yet because you still have facial hair. you don't have AU. being AU is way worst. don't want to make u panic but u could develop it. without hair you are ugly as u say, but eyebrowless and eyelashless you look like a complete weirdo.
I agree with you, women have options because of make up and wig.

now I suggest you a few stuff... from my personal experience.
-ugly guys slays girls everyday... but alopecia looks more like a condition rather than hereditary balding or a style. and human, specially women, are very cautious with health. hooking up with someone who looks having a rare disease is not an option.
-if u don't want to take medication work out. but am not saying typical workout am saying beast mode... yeah with some boost. the bald head, tan and huge muscle will look better than the normal guy having cancer.
- if you are not down with the muscle thing, and your happiness depends on your look (I personally understand you and I suggest you this option) then take medication. now u gonna tell me there is no cure. Bro, it's 2017 man. try it at least. take xeljanz. it has good success for lots of alopecians.
-continue to make money. don't ruin your career for the emotions u are feeling now.
stay safe bro and hit me up if anything.

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Permalink Reply by gldean1988 on March 17, 2017 at 4:32am

Excuse me, what do you mean who sm I?

Who is anyone to give anyone else advice at stl? Especially on a forum where people are typically asking for it.

Are you referring to an earlier post where I said grow confidence balls?

Having confidence means acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses. Maybe you have su or aa but also nice skin/smile. That's what I mean when I say grow some confidence (balla). We are not bound to our flaws like many people here sadly think.

So, who are the **** are you to say who the **** are you?

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Permalink Reply by Return_life on March 17, 2017 at 9:22am

someone who lost all his hair because of a disease.
someone who is fragile.
the guy is 21!!!
and u tell him grow a pair?????
ur a mean and delusional person or just totally dumb and still immature.
I let you pick.
honey you exposed yourself. just say sorry and everything else is gonna be OK. or don't give ur 2 cents if it's mean.
so who am I? well at least I don't hurt people who are emotionally devastated.

I would like to see ALL these women with AU spending just 1 week without makeup and wig. just 1 week. after that week come and tell me hey its all about the smile!

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