Alopecia World
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Not telling people, who might deserve to know
hi,
im 15 and i have alopecia Universalis.
All of my best friends know, my family does too.
I am very open and comfortable to talk about it with the people who do know.
I met this guy in septembre, and we are very close friends.
We talk all of the time, we are very good friends. ( but just friends)
No one either than my friends and family know about my alopecia condition, but i would like him to know.
I dont want to tell him because I dont want to see his reaction, shock,... when i tell him that I am bald and wear a wig.
He does know that I have a medical condition, because ive talked to him that i go to the hospital sometimes to get injections and he IS worried. Ive told him that im fine and that theres nothing to worry about.
I still feel this guilt and want to tell him, but i dont know what his reaction would be and honestly i am scared of that. But I KNOW that he would still be my friend, hes the kind of guy who accepts people with anything, no doubt that we will still be close. I just dont want to change our friendship and i dont want him to hide what he really thinks of my condition.
im 15 and i have alopecia Universalis.
All of my best friends know, my family does too.
I am very open and comfortable to talk about it with the people who do know.
I met this guy in septembre, and we are very close friends.
We talk all of the time, we are very good friends. ( but just friends)
No one either than my friends and family know about my alopecia condition, but i would like him to know.
I dont want to tell him because I dont want to see his reaction, shock,... when i tell him that I am bald and wear a wig.
He does know that I have a medical condition, because ive talked to him that i go to the hospital sometimes to get injections and he IS worried. Ive told him that im fine and that theres nothing to worry about.
I still feel this guilt and want to tell him, but i dont know what his reaction would be and honestly i am scared of that. But I KNOW that he would still be my friend, hes the kind of guy who accepts people with anything, no doubt that we will still be close. I just dont want to change our friendship and i dont want him to hide what he really thinks of my condition.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joshua on
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Hi Emilie,
Thanks for sharing your story. I strongly believe that you're afraid to receive even a slightest hint of negative response from your friend when you tell him about your alopecia. Your fear is valid & realistic, treat the situation as a test to your friendship with him. On the positive side, to strengthen your current friendship or even to bring the relationship further ahead, I personally believe when the time is ripe (when you're comfortable and confident), you should tell him. He probably even knows about it already, and just waiting for you to tell him. As I say again, it is your decision, you have the final call.
jt
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Permalink Reply by Kristen Viveros on
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Hi Emilie
I know that you are nervous about telling him but I also know that if he really is a real friend then he will accept you and nothing will change the way he already feels about you. I dont think that it is fair to him to hide it from him and also I think that it puts more stress on you to try and keep it a secret. So if you are saying that you KNOW he would still be your friend, im sure that he likes you because of who you are, not for your hair.
When I lost my hair my husband said to me "I dont care about that. I am not going to leave you because your hair fell out. Your hair never talked to me. Your hair never made me laugh."
I actually laughed when he told me that, but do you see his point tho? He loves me for who I am. He fell in love with me when I had hair and his feelings don't change when the hair is gone.
In your case, this boy likes you for who you are. He started to like you when he thought you had hair and I dont think that his feelings for you will change when he knows the truth.
Maybe after you tell him if you are still worried that he is hiding some feelings about your condition, maybe you should ask him how he feels. From how you have described him, that he will be honest with you. But, believe me, if he really likes you, the reality is that you have no hair, he wont look at you any different.
Good luck Sweet Heart
xoxo
Kristen.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff W on
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Emilie,
As I read your post it seems evident that you really want to share this with your friend. It sounds like you are close to this guy, as you really want him to know and he worries about your medical condition. You're not being fair to yourself if you have to carry around guilt over not telling him. If this is truly a lasting friendship telling him about your alopecia should in no way damage the friendship and may well strengthen it. You can't really predict anyone's reaction to this. I'm sure some of my closest friends were surprised or even "shocked" when I told them about my alopecia but I am certain none of my friendships have been diminished in any way by it and no lasting friendship would be. From everything you've written, this guy sounds like a great guy and a great friend so I'd bet you've got nothing to worry about. Be happy!
Jeff
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Permalink Reply by Eva on
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Emilie,
I have been through the same thing several times with boys. My general experience is that as friends they are relieved that it is nothing really threatening health-wise. To my surprise, I was always a lot more worried and put-off by my condition than they ever were. I would guess that it is a much bigger deal to you than it would be to him. (It took me a long time to come to that realization myself.) It will be a huge relief to you, and him, when you tell him.
Like Joshua said, he probably has already figured it out and is just waiting for you to tell him. When you are feeling comfortable and brave, just tell him. I know it seems hard, but it is really just that easy. And you will feel so much more comfortable with the friendship when you worrying about telling him isn't hanging over your head anymore.
Good luck, and it's gonna be fine! Lots of us girls have been in that position before, you are not alone. :)
Eva
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Permalink Reply by Julie Hughes on
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Hi,
I was just looking at the boards after placing a message about work and hairloss. I mentioned on there about my mum who never spoke to anyone about her hairloss, not even my dad. They were married for 40+ years and my dad never seen her without her wig. After mum passed away my dad told me this.I was unsure if he was up set because she never confided in him or just because he never approached her about her hairloss...As he has also passed away I will never know..Today hairloss is more open and so much support for different types of hairloss... I just wished mum was still alive to see some of the sites on line... Please do not rush into deciding about telling him...You will know when the time is right...And only you can decide when this is...
Bless you,
Julie.
http://wigsinwalesuk.webs.com/
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You should tell him. If he is really your friend, then he will accept you as you are and will look past your condition. And, if he is a really good friend, then he will find a way to support you and help you to cope with this. If you think that he will do something or say something that you don't like after you tell him, then it is up to you to set the boundaries and respond to him by letting him know what is okay to say and what is not.
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