Opening up to family only made it worse!

Hi all..i've been getting my support from reading all of your comments,ideas and i need to ask you this. i was diagnosed with AA in february after my daughter found a spot and a week later i found another. since then i've been getting shots, taking vitamins, using Toppik to cover up and my hair is still falling out, super thin on top and although hair growing on original spots, the spots spread and its a never ending!i don't want to be around people and try to be sure when talking to people i know that i'm not in direct sunlight or that they are standing behind me! i'm very petite so now the spots on top of my head are more obvious. i revealed to very few in the family and they have managed to either avoid me while breezily saying "pls let us know if u need something" those who counted on me to listen at all hours as they talked re:marital problems, work worries,etc have no time for me now. others have said "i can imagine how hard it is for u knowing how u are" ??!!!"should be happy its not cancer" "that's not as bad as my having XYZ..." my husband tells me "i support you" but after 6 months of finding my first spot, he has yet to even look up the definition of AA or the reasons i react how i do and why i'm just not the same anymore. i try to stay positive for my two daughters so as not to scare them if they see me cry, today my 8 yr old daughter showed me the videos she was looking at to "help" me called "how to grow your hair in a week!" i'm devastated that she's that worried about me instead of looking at music videos on her tablet! the girls move my hair around when i'm in public and my spots start to show.i feel so,so, so ALONE!

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Permalink Reply by Christine on August 6, 2012 at 9:48pm

Hi Tallgirl, sounds like you are onto something about the stress playing a big part in the hairloss, I have noticed that when I'm going through a particularly ugly time, my hair does not fall out right away, but about 3 months or so later bingo, there it goes, I don't think that stress started mine off, I think a surgery I had and shock to my system did, but I firmly believe that stress gets it rev'd up for sure! This sounds really bad, but once after my husband had spent months being really mean to me, he decided he "loved" me again I guess, and he kissed me on the head and said "I'm gonna love you, and all your hair will grow back" It may not have been his exact words but it went something like that. I will never forget it. My husband and I have been married for many many years, and this is a pattern with him, I'm not sure what triggers his being nice, or not so nice, kinda like AA...funny? I remember feeling like, he knew what he was doing to me, which really changed me, I don't think I've ever been the same since. Maybe he just felt responsable for it, I don't know, but I don't blame him totally for my AA, just the stress part. I'm sorry that you had a difficult time with a spouse too. I've chosen to stay in my marriage, at least for now, I have a lot to lose if I were to leave, and like I said we have been married forever, I know it sounds weird but I think the longer you have been together the harder it is, and the older you get the lamer the stinky acting becomes, I do think that I've gotten a lot stronger in that I don't care how he acts anymore, I'm gonna just live my life, if he is nice he can be a part of it, if not, well I'm not gonna mope around anymore, I'm just gonna do my thing without him.(it can still hurt) Hope that doesn't sound too hard,I just have learned that it's pointless to expect someone to act differently if they don't want to. Usually I get the sadest when I think that I don't have the kind of relationship I'd like to have. You have gotten really strong and I know that you did the right thing where your ex is concerned, you are an inspiration to me and others!! Thanks for all the great advice and support you've given me lately....the 'windy' trip I took recently was helped by you too.

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