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Scared!
I am scared. I haven't had a boyfriend in a longtime, like a real boyfriend. I am scared to show them how I really am. Guys are interested in me but I always run away from them because I am to scared of being rejected by showing them my hair( I know it is ridiculous!), and I have never been rejected in my hole life, but the scare of being rejected as always been present in me, less with the years though, thanks God...
Anyway, I used to see this guy 4 years ago and we stopped seeing each other because I was just not ready to be with someone after a long relationship I had, he knew that...but now he contacted me again and we saw each other last Monday. When I was with him 4 years ago, I had started to be obsessed with my hair and never talked to him about that, I was to scared he would judge me or something...Now I feel better with my hair, but now I have a wig and I am still scared to tell him.
Like I said, I have been on a date with him for the first time last Monday and now I'm affraid a bit to see him again, i'm afraid of him touching my hair and being turn off by that, because it is not the real me. I don't know how to bring it up, I prefer to tell him, then him discovering it. but I don't know how. We had so much fun together, I wouldn't want to wreck it once again like I did before with some boys cause I did not have the courage to confront and tell my fears.
Last guy I was with, I told him that I didn't like it when my hairs are being touched. He asked me why once, cause boys love touching girls hair. and I just answered: because it is not my real hair. He didn't care, and thought it was kind of cool even. He said he would never have been able to tell, even when I told him (because it is lacewig) he said he wanted to see me with my wig off, I told him: in your dreams:-)
When I told him about that, I was scared, but I didn't like the guy that much so it was more like an experience for me to say that. But this new guy, I really like him.
I'm sure it will be ok, but I need your energy, your comments, anything that would make me feel good. I wanna come to the point where I feel really comfortable with my hair and I don't care telling anyone when it comes on the subject. All my girlfriends know about me, but I mean when you are with some girls you don't know that much, and they start talking about their hair, and they ask me if it is my real color or not, I hate lying and saying no or yes. I would just like to be able to say the truth, to show the real me and not care. I need to give me time I guess.
Ok just needed to talk about that. I'm supposed to see my friend this weekend or next weekend, so I have some time to get ready mentally.
Much Love and Strentgh to all of us,
I'm sure loosing hair is there to help us grow somehow!
Anyway, I used to see this guy 4 years ago and we stopped seeing each other because I was just not ready to be with someone after a long relationship I had, he knew that...but now he contacted me again and we saw each other last Monday. When I was with him 4 years ago, I had started to be obsessed with my hair and never talked to him about that, I was to scared he would judge me or something...Now I feel better with my hair, but now I have a wig and I am still scared to tell him.
Like I said, I have been on a date with him for the first time last Monday and now I'm affraid a bit to see him again, i'm afraid of him touching my hair and being turn off by that, because it is not the real me. I don't know how to bring it up, I prefer to tell him, then him discovering it. but I don't know how. We had so much fun together, I wouldn't want to wreck it once again like I did before with some boys cause I did not have the courage to confront and tell my fears.
Last guy I was with, I told him that I didn't like it when my hairs are being touched. He asked me why once, cause boys love touching girls hair. and I just answered: because it is not my real hair. He didn't care, and thought it was kind of cool even. He said he would never have been able to tell, even when I told him (because it is lacewig) he said he wanted to see me with my wig off, I told him: in your dreams:-)
When I told him about that, I was scared, but I didn't like the guy that much so it was more like an experience for me to say that. But this new guy, I really like him.
I'm sure it will be ok, but I need your energy, your comments, anything that would make me feel good. I wanna come to the point where I feel really comfortable with my hair and I don't care telling anyone when it comes on the subject. All my girlfriends know about me, but I mean when you are with some girls you don't know that much, and they start talking about their hair, and they ask me if it is my real color or not, I hate lying and saying no or yes. I would just like to be able to say the truth, to show the real me and not care. I need to give me time I guess.
Ok just needed to talk about that. I'm supposed to see my friend this weekend or next weekend, so I have some time to get ready mentally.
Much Love and Strentgh to all of us,
I'm sure loosing hair is there to help us grow somehow!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tiffany P on
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you will be fine and if he turns out to be the type to dismiss you because of it then you know he wasnt worth being around in the long run. i have told every guy i know and only one decided not to call me anymore which if fine with me. other then that i'm very open about it and find not too many mind at all. one guy who's married that i work with said he would name each wig that way he could date a different girl everynight lmao There are jerks out there but there are gems and when your open and honest you feel better to get it out the way and he respects your confidence and you being stright forward with him. some would say to wait but i dont have time to play games i need them to know off the bat. anyway your beautiful so hold your head up high do what you need to do and have fun. life is too short :o)
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Permalink Reply by Scaredandhopeful on
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Hi there, I know how you feel somewhat! I'm very insecure about my hair, some would say obsessional and downright terrified about relationships, but in the end, I'd like to be accepted for me, the whole me or nothing at all. I know I'm worth it. But yes, the prospect of now following through terrifies me. Be brave and live. After all fortune favours the bold eh?
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Permalink Reply by Petra on
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Hi Veronique, I met my husband when my hair was falling out. He never has had a problem with it, I'm the one that has had the issues with not having hair. He had always supported me 100%, whether I wear a wig, scarf and even if I ever get the courage to go out bald he will be there right beside me. There are a lot of great guys out there.
Tiffany is right, Life is too short!
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Permalink Reply by Veronique on
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Thank you to the three of you, I know you are right and it helps hearing about your own experiences. I will let you know how it went next time I see him!
I agree that life is too short to worry or to be sad.
Thanks again,
Véro-
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Permalink Reply by Andrea on
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Okay, I'm in a weird position with my ex, so I guess I'll share this to hopefully offer something here. We are currently good friends. We broke up (that means he dumped me very painfully) because of his issues, not mine. This break up was actually the trigger which sent my health in a tailspin, and I'm sure he knows it, but I haven't belabored the point with him. I pretty much hated him for a year, even though I struggled even having that emotion. When I finally verbalized that, and recognized it as my own sin, I could finally heal.
Even though my hair is pretty much normal looking now (though short) he knows I lost almost all of it. I never allowed him to see it when I was almost bald. He always saw me with hats or wigs. When we were dating he loved my hair. It was quite long, golden blonde...you get it. We have been on speaking and even friendly terms for about 4 months now. I have noticed he is complimenting me very publicly on various things. He's defended me from lies spoken about me, claiming that I am faking my illness, or that I'm cutting my own hair to fake said illness (This is all stupid internet drama amongst "Christians" on YouTube...trust me not worth explaining).
Basically what I'm trying to tell you is that when we were dating I was healthy with a full head of fantastic hair. Now I'm not so healthy and I don't have the hair I had back then, but he's been able to see the real me. He's also seen qualities in me that he failed to see when we were dating. It does my heart good that he thought he could do better than me and he's been 100% unsuccessful :-D He keeps seeking me out for a reason, as yet unknown maybe not even to him.
The guy will like you for you not for your hair or lack thereof.
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Andrea.... dunno if you've sussed it yet, but the reason your ex is "seeking you out" is cos he's realised what he had. He misses you and the things you did, and he wants you back, but he can't say it. Maybe he only wants a part of you back, rather than the whole person? Maybe it's simply nostalgia, in a way? Maybe you should just ask him straight out? :)
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Permalink Reply by Michelle L on
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I can understand where you are coming from because when I was diagnosed, one of my first rewactions was "Thank G-d I have my husband and don't have to deal with this and dating."
Having said that, my husband has been amazing and his reaction to all of this has led me to understand that men are not nearly as superficial as we think they are and they also are not as hung up on our hair as we think. Give them credit - there are some real gems out there.
Yesterday, I decided that I was finally sick and tired of worrying about who noticed the hats/wig/scarves etc and what they were thinking, so I wrote a massive blog on my facebook page explaining that I have alopecia and what that means and how I feel etc etc. It reached 400 people! I feel so liberated because now everyone I know - friends and distant acquaintances - know the score. You cannot imagine the amazing responses I got. No more hiding the real me. And, surprise surprise, they love who I am besides my hair.
Love yourself, be open, be upfront and honest and if he runs away (which I doubt will happen) then he's making space for your real Prince Charming.
Have a beautiful weekend! Look in the mirror and see that you are a lot more than follicles.
xoxo
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Wow! This is such and amazing story. I believe you when you say that you feel much better. Your story is inspiring me and one day I wish I'll be courageous enough to do the same as you and to show the real me, the beautiful person I am, with or without hair. Thank you so much,
Véronique-xxx
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In the meantime, you have a place here to be you and be loved for that. Hair is just decoration - and we get so many more decorating options!
Have a gorgeous weekend!
Mish xoxo
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