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Stinging words
My boyfriend, who does not know about my alopecia, came to my house today and saw a wide-brimmed hat on my bed. He tried the hat on and then I took it and put it on my head, over my wig. He paused for a moment and then said "nah...take that off. You remind me of a girl from home." and I asked "Is that bad?" to which he replied "No, but she didn't have any hair. I know that's a mean thing to say...but..." and he took the hat off of my head as his sentence trailed off and placed it on my desk. It really struck a cord with me as I've been contemplating telling him for a few weeks and have been waiting for the right time. Ironically, I also had a dream last night that he was sitting with my two young nephews and I. One of them (in the dream) said "baldie!" and pointed to me. He kept repeating it and my boyfriend finally asked me what he meant by it. I woke up before I answered.
As he made those statements at my house today I was very emotional but tried to hide it. He left and it seemed as though he thought everything was fine. I know that this is probably the best opportunity to tell him about my story and how his words, though not meant for me, still hurt. I'm not sure what the outcome of the conversation will be or even how to open the conversation in a way that won't "attack" him. Regardless, I want the issue to foster a conversation on mindfulness.
Any thoughts on how to approach this?
As he made those statements at my house today I was very emotional but tried to hide it. He left and it seemed as though he thought everything was fine. I know that this is probably the best opportunity to tell him about my story and how his words, though not meant for me, still hurt. I'm not sure what the outcome of the conversation will be or even how to open the conversation in a way that won't "attack" him. Regardless, I want the issue to foster a conversation on mindfulness.
Any thoughts on how to approach this?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by kastababy on
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Do I get to say "I told you so" on this one?? Just kidding.
In all seriousness, I'm so happy to hear about how things turned out!! It just goes to show that sometimes the worst reactions we get are the ones we imagine in our heads, not the ones that come to pass. Sounds like you really do have a winner there Whitney - he gets a big THUMBS UP from me!!!
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Permalink Reply by Sam Sam on
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I usually tell a date (when I wore wigs) within 1 week - 6 months in the heat of first "love". OR when they say stupid stuff like this. Mostly all the time they stuck around for the sake of "love" or curiosity. You should use this opportunity to tell him." hey that hurt... because Im really am bald" You have to tell him or your misleading... As he thinks you have hair.. That will always come up in your mind now on date.
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This was a wonderful ending. Most of the time it ends like this because we someone how know who to share with and not to. He sounds caring and cares about you. Let the relationship flow from now own not base off of hair but love. God Bless you.
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Permalink Reply by Media on
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Hi Whitney, I know completely how you were feeling when you heard those words. I've had some guys laughing at me when they found out I was wearing a wig while playing tennis. I don't blame them though I thought maybe they don't know why I was wearing it so thats why.
Im so happy you could finally tell your Boyfriend. its a huge burden on a girls shoulders. and Im so happy that he reacted the way he did. The good thing is that you are a strong woman. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
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Permalink Reply by MiNAH on
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This is why I cannot wear a wig or head covering, because I have been hurt so deep by the ugliness of others when I was strong enough "TO SHOW MYSELF BALD". I will never go out and meet people again with a wig for fear that next time we meet, I will be without head covering, and then these same people generally become so uncomfortable it makes me feel strange. I want to be known as I am right from the beginning ... take it or leave it. Their choice! I won't have to ever explain myself again and "I WON'T". I will not allow anyone to rob my peace of mind ever again. So this is why I am exposing myself, just the way I am. I just want to be as I am, and this way my chances to never be hurt again are one thing which I know is possible. Since I am so comfortable with myself, men approach me without hestitation and show their respect. Out of many encounters, their will be one man who stands out, and who completely appreciates you without your hair and proud to be your man. "YOU'RE AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE"
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Permalink Reply by Meryl on
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I am a mother of a 7 year old with alopecia. She does not wear a wig. I just feel like if everyone with alopecia would stop wearing wigs then there would be a lot more bald people out there! There are millions of bald women. You may think this is easy for me to say, but seeing my daughter in the world making friends and coping with the ups and d0wns makes me proud and hopeful that she will be this way as an adult too.
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Permalink Reply by Nancy King on
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(standing ovation) Yaaaaaaay MiNAH!!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Clayton on
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This is great news! You must feel like an elephant has been lifted from your chest and you can finally breathe again. I'm very happy for you....
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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But doll, you did good. Very smooth. Someday, he may come back when he realizes what happened, but for now, he will be telling the story of Brave and Poised you. Holding the door for him was perfect: you kept your cool.
I think young guys must tell their friends about the alopecia, and get convinced that they should move on to find haired arm-candy out of the women available. The man who would defend his alopecian gal in front of other men...and other women...is the true man.
Yes, it IS difficult to get back in the saddle again. Don't let that distrust build, or you may miss out on someone special.
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