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Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on June 22, 2012 at 9:02am

Teenage love is a tough one with or without hair. Alot of boys are too immature at this age to deal with hairloss. My daughter had a boyfriend when she lost all of her hair in highschool and he was very supportive. She wears beautiful wigs and people don't know unless she tells them.She tapes them on and even sleeps with them. Her boyfriend broke her heart in college, nothing to do with alopecia and she has dated a couple of boys since. The one she is dating now approached the subject with her and said, I know about your alopecia and don't care. This was a huge relief for her and she is enjoying his company. It will happen for you also!

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Permalink Reply by Alliegator on June 22, 2012 at 11:11am

I agree. It is tough with or without hair. I felt the same way when I was your age! All my friends were in love, and I didn't fall in love until I was 20 years old. It will happen for you. Don't rush it. You are young, and you have lots of time. Enjoy being young! Time really does go fast. You are beautiful, but you need to find a way to feel it. It will come. I don't think that it cheers you up because you don't feel it. Try to take baby steps or make small changes and see if that helps you feel beautiful. People tell me that any guy would be lucky to have me, and I know that is true. I have been told that for a long time, but I haven't met anyone. My point is... it will happen when the time is right.

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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on June 22, 2012 at 12:40pm

Hailey, I agree--I really don't think a guy who is your age is mature enough to accept this. My hair started falling out in 2003 after I was had been married since 1966. It didn't bother my husband one bit, as he had cancer and we saw bald women on a daily basis as he took chemo. He passed away in 2009 and I've had 2 relationships since. It didn't bother either man, but of course, they were older than 16, and I got married June 2 of this year. My new husband says it doesn't bother him one bit if I want to go around the house without a wig or if I didn't want to sleep in one. He has even shaved my head for me. If a guy really and truly loves you, the fact that you have no hair won't affect him one bit. They look for much deeper qualities. I usually do wear a wig because I just feel better in one, but to be honest, I just can't sleep in one. I admire all the women out there who can go to work without a wig and they look beautiful--I just haven't gotten to that point yet and doubt that I ever will--it's just a personal thing. Don't think you bore us--we are here for you and you will find lots of great information on this website. Everyone of us are in the same boat and you will also find lots of support too. God bless you and hang in there--your prince charming will appear and he won't care if you don't have hair. Personally, I wouldn't want to get involved with a guy who couldn't accept it because there are plenty out there who would!

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on June 23, 2012 at 12:11pm

I first had my genetic alopecia areata take out a circle of hair in fifth grade, but I hid it...as I did until 15, when I began to need a partial wig (with some of my hair pulled up from the forehead over it). I went to church camp on a Great Lake for three years (week-long camps and weekends, plus study weekends throughout the state and a trip to New York and Washington, D.C. sponsored for church youth). In the three years, I met caring guys in the camp sensitivity groups, monthly district meetings, and conference seminars. Two of the guys (older, from towns away from mine) I invited to be my formal dance escorts, and they were polite and kind. I do not know if they realized I wore a wig.

The day after high school graduation, I met another of the campers (I had seen the year before in the distance at camp) at a ministers' conference. As all the teens hung around together, I got to talk more to this one guy. When he was at the week-long camp again that summer and throughout my summer before college, we got to know each other. That was the first big romance, and my hair loss was not an issue to him when I told him: he was very supportive. The guys from the dance dates also played key roles in my life, helping me move away from my home state after college graduation and touring California with me. All three provided some of those first kisses, either romantic or brotherly. So, what I am saying is, just find the right places to meet CARING guys, and wait a bit. You sound like a grand person, and a grand guy will discover you. He's still out there, wondering where YOU are!

By the way, my mother was the one who encouraged me to get contacts and start wearing a bit of make-up, and my father bought me the wigs. My church women's group got me scholarships for the camps. I was allowed to join many high school clubs, and had special fun with the drama club (I did posters, programs and scenery)...especially when my folks hosted a huge cast party at our house (my sister acted and sang in that play). Parents can be a big help in developing a social life!

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Permalink Reply by Olivia on July 4, 2012 at 6:58pm

I felt exactly the same way for a long time. All my friends had relationships and I was the 17 year old who'd never been kissed. But I like to think of alopecia as my own personal relationship filter. It wasn't until I was 18 that I finally met someone who was caring, understanding, mature, and accepted me for who I was. In fact, he liked my bald head better than me with a wig- he loved that I was unique.

When that finally happened, it felt amazing because I'd been interested in guys who didn't want anything to do with me because I am bald. Obviously, that really hurt, but at the same time, I know that I could never have a meaningful relationship with someone that shallow and immature.

Everybody has something that makes them feel insecure, and ours just happens to be clearly visible to everyone, but I think that's also an asset because we can easily weed out the shaft from the grain!

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Permalink Reply by Hailey on August 8, 2012 at 4:33am

I do I'm just ALWAYS slammed in the friendzone & can't get out..its not that I don't have feelings for them its that they can't see past my skin

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Permalink Reply by Ashley on July 31, 2012 at 4:30am

When I was your age I was able to hide my alopecia. My hair didn't completely fall out until after school. I had a boyfriend who stayed with me through it all for 6 years. I later broke up with him for a lot of reasons /: and was very nervous about dating again. I worried how they would react when I told them I was wearing a wig. From my experience... There are some guys that just can't handle it because they're superficial. You don't want a guy like that anyways. I ended up dating a couple guys that had no problem with it. Like the first one, I broke up with them for other reasons. I am now married to the best guy on the planet and he also couldnt care less that I'm bald :) he loves me for the person I am. He does like to wear my wigs and play guitar hero lol. What I'm trying to say is that there are a ton of great guys out there that won't care. It will happen when you least expect it. You have the rest of your life to stress about guys. I know it's hard not to at your age but just have fun with your friends. Honestly the best advice would be to wait until the boys mature anyways lol. It will save you a lot of drama. Just be confident with who you are and the boys will come around. Hair or no hair, keep your standards high and don't accept anything but the best for you. :) I hope that helps

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Permalink Reply by Hailey on August 8, 2012 at 4:35am

That did :) Thank you so much

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on August 29, 2012 at 11:10am

I saw this online and thought you might want to read it, Hailey:

How to Be Less Shy
Guest Author - Melissa Weise

The story goes that there was once a teenager who had just started college in New York. He was incredibly shy, especially with girls and just couldnft get out a single Hi. Without stuttering or blushing or feeling like an idiot. Fed up with himself, he decided that there was only way to get over his shyness. He developed a plan. For an entire day he stood in the Bronx Botanical Gardens and approached every single woman who passed by him stating, "Hi, my name is Albert. Will you go out with me?"

Every woman he asked. The ones with small children. The ones who were old and bent. The ones who were tall and gorgeous. He repeated his speech to one hundred women that day and each and every one of them said no.

You would think that that much failure would have made him feel even worse about himself. But it didnft. What that teenager discovered was that each time he approached a woman and said his speech and each time she said no, it was easier to approach the next woman and the next and the next. Until it felt entirely natural to approach people he didnft know and introduce himself and talk to them. Instead of feeling bad about being rejected one hundred times, he learned that he could be rejected and still go on. That he was still a perfectly decent person even though he had been told no.

So, after having been rejected one hundred times in the Bronx Botanical Gardens, he went back to his school and walked into the cafeteria. The place where he had always felt the most out of the place and the most anxious. But, since he had had so much practice talking to people that day, he walked right up to a table of beautiful young women that he would have never been able to even sit near before and introduced himself and asked to sit down. After a moment, they said yes and Albert had finally succeeded in overcoming his shyness.

This is a true story of a young man who would eventually become a great contributor to the very dynamic field of cognitive behavioral therapy. His name was Albert Ellis and he lived for beyond his shyness to the age of 93, writing books about human behavior and rational ways to overcome our issues.

Shyness can come from a lot of things, but a great way to get over it is to practice. In the beginning, it might be difficult. Your heart races, you sweat and stutter. You feel like everyone is looking at you and judging you. But the truth is that everyone is usually so busy wondering what other people think of THEM that they arenft really paying at much attention to you as you think. And, like Albert, you will find that the more you practice, the easier it gets. Just make a plan to practice. Call it an experiment. Decide to talk to ten people in the hall at school or finally have a conversation with the cute boy. The great think is that you canft fail a behavioral experiment. You are just using it to practice and gather more data. And if the very shy teenager Albert Ellis could be rejected by one hundred women and still do great, so can you!

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