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The bandana
My wife current;y has opecia areata multilocularis. When we first met she was in remission. In fact she had just rebounded from Alopecia areata totalis. My question is more of an understanding issue. She will not wear a wig-she says it is too itchy. She won't wear a cap , says it doesn't cover anything (?).Instead she wears the same bandana everywhere. The subject is a very tense one because most of me could care less what she wears. But sometimes she avoids going out (her job allows her to work from home as well) at all and we are startng to dissconnect from friends and the bandana is starting to look a bit worn.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by N. Letourneau on
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I sympathize with your wife's situation. My husband and I lived through the same thing when I first lost my hair several years ago. I had a monk's ring on the top of my head, but long hair in the back. I began wearing a bandana because it covered my bald area, but gave the false impression that I still had hair. However, problems arose when my hair fell out completely. My husband had never mentioned to me that I had little to no hair in the back of my head, something I only discovered when my sister took me aside and asked if anything was wrong? That nearly wrecked our marriage because I couldn't understand why he had never mentioned the fact my hair loss was getting worse. His answer was that he'd never noticed and in all honesty, because he loves me whole heartedly he couldn't care less whether I was bald or not. I know now that his answer was true because living with a bald woman - looks really can't be that important. It took some time though, because as I realized my hairloss was permanent I became more and more insecure. Let's face it society pushes for women to have the perfect body, hair, nails and teeth - not to mention looking younger too.
I wore the same bandana everyday, everywhere we went because it covered up my baldness. It began interfering with our social lives when I started refusing to go out to dinner, movies etc, because I couldn't coordinate my outfits and I felt like I stuck out. In fact I had people stare the last time we went for dinner - the owners thought I had cancer arrrrrgghh! It is true - wigs itch, especially in the summer. It feels like you're wearing a big, furry hat :) Caps, also don't cover much of the baldness. I started wearing lace bandanas and floral prints, then moved to really pretty cotton hats, that had a tight knit to hide my scalp, with skirts and dresses. As I began to feel more feminine again it really helped boost my confidence, especially since with the hats many people just assumed I had short buzz cut hair. It is obvious you care about her and she needs that now more than ever. All I can suggest is to continue to be very patient and supportive. She will come around. Kudos to you for caring enough to research this.
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Thank you all for the feedback. How do I offer some of these suggestions to her without making her feel bad. Part of me thinks she will find a way in her own time, that I should just continue to be supportive and continue to encourage us to be social. Its when we make arrangements days ahead of time and hours before she gets "cold feet" that really create the biggest issues.
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