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Permalink Reply by Georgia Gardner on April 13, 2011 at 12:52am

i don't have any real answer as to the best way to react, but I share your frustration. I once had a sub teacher came to me and told me all about her very ill nephew. I didnt really say anything, but I was very very upset and angry. You don't want to offend people dealing with that greif, yet it isn't something I, as a 13 year old, wanted to hear about during a history lesson. It's a truly horrible, awkward feeling. My sympathies to you. I think you seem to be dealing with it really well for such a tough position. :)

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Permalink Reply by Mallory Crowner on April 13, 2011 at 8:18am

I too share this frustration. I have been sympathetic, empathetic, happy, sad, and angry, you name it. It gets annoying that being bald we are immediately associated with chemotherapy. The part that is more frustrating to me is when I say "no, I don't have cancer, I have an auto-immune skin disease that causes my hair not to grow" and people say "oh, I thought you were going through chemo" and they walk away. Don't get me wrong, I know we're all healthy as horses, but to ONLY be concerned IF I have cancer like you thought?! That's rude. People should stick around and learn something new for a minute. Had I turned around and told them what they thought they were going to hear, the conversation, more than likely, would've lasted a bit longer.

I also share in guilty feelings. I sometimes feel stupid too. I feel terrible that there's nothing wrong with me, aside from hair loss, and someone has just shared their illness. Like how is that fair? Why do I just have this disease where my hair doesn't grow and this poor person had to endure something so traumatic, so terrible?? Why them? Why cancer? So many questions...not enough answers.

Or...to be approached without a "hello", "hi, many name is", "how are you?", just a "God loves you", "you're blessed", "good luck on your journey", or "do you have cancer?!"...people just don't have couth sometimes.

I could go on and on as well I suppose. :o)

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Permalink Reply by JBean on April 14, 2011 at 3:07am

It totally isn't fair that they assume we have cancer - it makes me feel awful on two levels, for me and for them. But I have completely been mistaken for a guy before too! It is awful - when I've been stopped at the border the guards have sometimes mistaken me for a man...and hello, my gender is on the passport! I'm grateful that I am (for the most part) able to laugh it off, but every now and then it does hit me. Thanks for you advice!

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Permalink Reply by JBean on April 14, 2011 at 3:04am

You know I have thought of wearing a t-shirt before...something that would explain it without talking, all the while bringing some humor to the situation. I've never really looked before, but i do think it is a good idea.

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Permalink Reply by Martin on April 21, 2011 at 8:00am

Hi, JBean:

Just my two cents and obviously a different experience coming from a guy than a woman but . . .

In my experience, the biggest thing is being able to control your thoughts regarding how other people perceive you as being different. Once you are able to deflect people's comments and stares and find yourself "blending" into the scene, thoughts of your being conscious of other people and people being conscious of you begin to wash away. But to control the thought processes involved with being conscious of others always begins with oneself and how you perceive yourself. If you think you are fine, well, then you are. It is as soon as you begin to allow even a bit self-consciousness to creep in where you will find that "all eyes are upon you." Love yourself, treat your hair / state of hair as being something irrelevant (example, "My hair? Oh that thing . . . ) and just do what you do. The less you think about it, the less other people will seem to think about it. Not saying its easy; it does take time but you will find one day catching yourself going, "You know . . . nobody seems to be staring anymore."

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