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TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL
do you think not to tell some one your partners or friends or lovers that u have alopicia or wear a wig is wrong ? in the past i have had relation ships that have not lasted or i knew they would not last and we wher haveng fun theynever asked me if or why i was wearing a wig so i just didnt say any thing either ! i thought why rock the boat i had no intention of settle n down and we wer have n fun and the relation ships finished with out them ever know n about it , mostly i finished the relation ships may be sum times becouse i was like n them 2 much and did nt want to have to tell them , but other times the relationships finished for other reasons so i was never hurt or para noid that they finished it cos i was bald . but would be interested to know what others think shoulld we have to tell every body we meet or become invloved with even if we know this is not the person we are going to settle down with ? and when would the right time be too tell some one ?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by shorty on
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Hi, personally; I just tell them when (and if) I feel like it or feel like it's necessary. For the most part, I don't feel that I absolutely have to tell everyone (probably because I don't like the sympathy, shock or other weird reactions from people; but the majority just don't care). For example, in friendships, if someone says to me "you're hair always looks sooo good" then, depending on how I'm feeling (i.e.: indifferent or talkative) I tell them I wear a wig due to a medical condition called alopecia. For romantic partners, honestly, I either a) tell them after a couple of dates/when it starts getting serious (or to make conversation :p) or b) when we're making out and he tries to put his hands through my hair! lol! It is all up to you on who you tell and when you tell. Hope that helps!
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Permalink Reply by Zoey on
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Well, I usually told the guys I dated after the first couple of dates. I only have told three guys total.. I was in three long relationships and none of them have had issues with it. I mean hello.. I am Me.. My hair nor the lack of hair make me..
I act as crazy and silly as I have always acted.. If a guy ever had a problem with it, I wouldnt want to be with them anyways.. Hello Life is too short some people have to get over it..
Everyone outside my relationships- like students/co workers/ friends everyone is okay with it.. In fact lots of my friends tend to forget!! I sometimes make jokes and they are confused.. then I have to remind them.. Crazy huh!!!
Yep, Zoeys Life is pretty silly... But soon I will have to get serious!!! :o)
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Permalink Reply by lidia on
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Well... i only had one boyfrined before meeting my husband. I was twenty at the time and i was very happy that finaly someone was interested in me, not as a friend but a girlfriend. After 3 months of dating and seeing him not very often, i broke it off. When we were kissing... he was starting to touch my hair and it freaked me out. Of course i never told him about my wig and the thought of MAYBE beeing laughed at or seeing a discused on his face was too much. I realy liked this guy and just couldnt take a chance on his reaction. When i went on my first date with my husband...we were walking on the street and i just said.. listen i wear a wig because i have no hair. His surprising responds was SO? I fell in love with that men and 12 years later he still loves my bald head.
I wish that i had more self esteem when i was younger... i was hurt too many times. I realy hurt that guy be braking up with him... i wish i would have told him why. Maybe one day i will have a chance to explain myself and tell him that it was me and not him....
So it is totaly up to you on what to do.
You have to feel the moment
lidia
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Permalink Reply by Gilles on
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hi i am gilles,
I find that it is all about self esteem and who did not get stupid kids that call you name?
A life coach for about 6 sessions is a real good thing, he_she works on the real you and you're potential. Meditation , is another thing that works great, you want to be surrounds the best people can be and the meditation bring you calm, awareness and serenity.
you all look great to me, some even more.
gillesxox
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Permalink Reply by Bobby on
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Having no hair doesn't seem to affect my life in anyway. I still tell people when they notice just how bald I am. Honestly a lot of people think I work so hard trying to keep my head *Prefectly bald* hehe. I just think about in the way that, the more people that know the better. If not for myself maybe for a child that looses there hair and you just happened to tell a parent or a friend and they spread the word or research it.
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Permalink Reply by Sam Sam on
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it depends feel the person out get to know them. If you feel its time you will know. And i thinkl the way you tell them you will feel better, on the phone, text or person. Its eaiser to tell a guy as a friend OR tell them when your already 6 months into the relationship. You have to know when and how to tell them thats a feeling that comes from you. BUT you should always tell. I have told a FEW PEOPLE in my life guy friends the ones that were really friends said to me "i dont care what yoor hair status is." ( i am still single and get sad when i have to get to the point of telling that sometimes i just break up BUT the relationship wqs not good anyway. so no need to tell)
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Hi
I guess the only things that worries me about your choice is that you have sometimes finished a relationship because you like them too much and don't want to tell. Everything else I think is fine. But the other may be limiting your joy because of your alopecia and wig wearing. I hope I'm not getting the wrong end of the stick here.
I personally feel people should only tell when they are comfy, when they feel it's right. I believe that most have a comfort zone and once reached things become a little easier. It is definately a lump to get over in a relationship and I believe it can put more pressure on you to open up about things that are personal.
I always worry about 'secrets' with regards to this condition. Secrets can become a terrible pressure and preoccupation that sometimes overrides what it really going on. So much energy can be wasted on keeping the secret that you can loose perspective. That feeling of if people find out this is going to change for the worse somehow. I think that needs to be looked at and nutted out.
I've talked to my daughter a lot about this and like you she has dated a few young men but when she really liked the fellow she felt it was important to be open. It took her a wee while to work out when and how but once done things weren't a problem. Like you she really only bothered when she had a good connection and didn't bother talking to all her young beaus. But if you do like one of the young men it seems a tragedy to me that you pushed them away because of your alopecia and wig wearing.
Hope that helps a little.
Rosy
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