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Trouble with girls
help help help!! having had Alopecia for as long as i can remember, life seemed to be pretty normal for me for many years, I'd get up, feel pretty down about my day but usually get on with it regardless, only after spending numerous years in counselling and pshycotherapy have i finally realized that growing up bald has had much more of a negative effect than i'd first thought, I could go on for ever about what i've discovered about myself, if anyone feels it may be of interest to their situation. The main dilema i'm having at the moment is i feel that i have missed out on the oppertunity to interact with girls in a confident way, through the years there have been quite a few negative comments from females, which i have to say have really got me down from time to time but each time ive managed to get back on track and get on with it, but now later on in life it seems i am so anxious about talking to girls incase they comment or even think something bad about the way i look that I can't bring myself to initiate a conversation, let alone flirt, or make eye contact, it makes me feel so trapped inside, i have a beautiful girlfriend, but i also feel that being able to flirt, and interact with members of the opposite sex in an innocent way is healthy, and a great way to feel that i am as worthy as the other guys ( especially the ones with hair)as well as a sense of being attractive, the longer this goes on i can feel myself becoming more and more needy of female attention other than that of my partner, and am frightened of where this could lead it is already having a very negative effect on my relationship to the point where i feel i need to be single and prove to myself i as good as the other guys, my partner is very understanding of the situation, but it cant be good for her to know i feel like this, it feels like an impossible situation, has anyone been through this kind of situation..
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra on
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Hi Stefan,
When I first started losing my hair, I thought my love life would be completely ruined, shattered, and flushed down the toilet. As I've spent more and more time here at Alopecia World and doing my own research, however, I realized that there are plenty of men who find bald women just as hot, sexy, and desireable as women with hair. The same goes for you as a man. Not every girl is going to be attracted to a bald man - just like not everybody is going to be attracted to a blonde, brunette, or redheaded man (or woman!) - but there are plenty of girls who find bald guys completely hot! I am one of those girls! I've always loved bald men. There are plenty of other women in the world who feel the same way as I do. As long as you stay positive, positive things will happen to you.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
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Permalink Reply by Galvin on
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You said, " i have a beautiful girlfriend, but i also feel that being able to flirt...."
Man, you should be thankful.
One thing I learned in basic psychology is our ego is mainly part of a reflection of how we feel
we are perceived by others. With alopecia you have to try and combat those feelings of seeing
how others perceive us. Its a crowded world and your subjecting yourself to others judgement.
If you are confident in yourself (and you can't fake confidence) you will be able to interact (flirt)
with the opposite sex more easily.
But don't be a DOG and look at every "skirt" that walks by or works in the office.
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Permalink Reply by Joshua on
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Hi Stefan,
Your post seems to raise some subject similar subject of interests as to mine. However, my alopecia by far has more positive effect on me rather than the negative. The question of missing out an opportunity to interact confdently publicly (i.e with girls in a confident way) may be true even to myself but not all of the time and yes negative remarks made from females about my alopecia (+ my height cuz I'm short) has got me really down on several occasions. May be I have very low self esteem or may be not, I just try to enjoy as much as possible as a person by just being myself with jeopardising others. My alopecia has some how provided some attention rather than a distraction, flirting is a good feeling and it boost your confidence, I dont deny the fact thats a feel good factor. By your shout out "Help, Help, Help" and "feel so trapped inside" may lead to three possible issues that you're currently dealing with
1) Self-esteem
- you have a very low self-esteem which you are trying emerge from it. I personally try to read and learn more about inspirationals and testimonials of other people that has demostrate strength and courage in the face of adversity, work on your strength and learn from your weakness. Take time to look at a bigger picture rather focusing on a just a part of life and soon you'll realize that you're much better than you think you are...
2) Insecurity
- there has been a culture cultivated since teenage and continue to grow through adulthood where the society has place physical appearance as a higher priority than it actually worths. Many people (especially good looking people) feel like the need to change partner constantly, just as to prove to themselves that they are still attractive, I consider myself to lose out in this if this is a competition, I may look good or I may not...but at the end of the day we all will get old and eventually meets death and it is the very value of life that we live on and the person that is inside us that will stand the test of time, people are remembered for decades and centuries for their works and life and NEVER ON THEIR LOOK. So I believe that this is an aimless habit (trying to prove to ourselves that we still attractive) which we need to remove from the society.
3) Lifestyle issues
-may be its just that it is your choice or preference of lifestyle which you like to interact or flirt with girls in a natural and healthy way or may be that you were "made believed" by the society that this is a great and in life-style...
Stefan, whatever issue or combination of issues you're dealing with, I believe that is could be the time where you and your girlfriend should take a break and explore other cultures and places. It will often put you into other perspectives, not as mere tourists but more on travelling and seeing the world. I believe that I will feel more CONFIDENT, more SECURE and a more meaningful LIFESTYLE by having genuine friends and a supportive family being around us and cheering for us that would last a lifetime, rather than "pretty" girls laughing at our joke and asking for our numbers which only last a moment....
Dont let alopecia get you down, we're more than just being bald, we are individual carefully designed and created by God. If people would not want to be friends or even ladies not being attracted to us because we're bald, it is their lost and we save time alot of time, effort and even money by spending unnecessarily on "fake" and "vain" people
Thats all I have to say. All the best! You are much better than you think you are, cheer up...
Take care.
jt
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Permalink Reply by stefan williams on
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Jt thankyou very much for your kind words of wisdom... you sound like a person who has a lot to offer, and I take on board all that you have said, and somewhere deep inside know that it is all possible to be true, i just have to work a little harder on making it all beleiveable..
Thanks again.
Stefan
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