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True acceptance?
I am realising (perhaps with the most recent gradual disappearance of eyelashes and eyebrows that I don't fully or truly accept my alopecia. I have at points in my life thought I have accepted it. But 27 years on I realise I don't. I tolerate, deal with, laugh at, manage, but I don't know how to accept it and be ok with how I look or feel as a result. If I am truthful with myself I feel unattractive, unloveable and lacking in confidence. I cover it pretty well, but deep down this is how I feel. After the break of up a 5 year relationship almost a year ago I am too scared, too lacking in self- esteem to consider to starting over. The thought of explaining my alopecia in a new relationship or having to bare my "vunerability" to another person again seems too hard for me. I really want to find true acceptance of my alopecia and how I look. I don't know how to do it! How do I not feel ugly and unattractive? How do I accept the alien that looks back at me when my face washes off at night? I am disappointed in myself that I haven't accepted it fully after this time when I see people who do and who shine.... Any thoughts are very welcome...
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Angie on
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Hey Norm, it's so good to see you. I qwas a little worrrid about you. Ok Lorna , you heard it from Norm. It is so good for us girl when we have brothers like Norm and Paul J. to drop some wisdom on us. That was real talk Norm, you are so right.
WE LOVE LORNA AND GIRL YOUR GOING BE OKAY!
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Permalink Reply by Norm on
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Hello Ange... were you really worried about me? Aw, thanks! xx
Naaah, no need to be concerned... just been away for a while cos of one thing and another, and not had time to get on here.
How's you, anyway? You sure sound alright! :)
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Norm, AW is not the same with out you! I'm glad your alright. You bring a smile when we don't want to. I bet Lorna smiled. Your wisdom we can't do without. Don't stay away so long dude.
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Permalink Reply by Rebecca Strobel on
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I'm heading to Grand Caymen with my hubby in March...it will be the first time I've gone without my wig - in a public place! I'm scared to death but heck -- folks are going to stare and I'm going to have to be okay with it. I'll hope that I get asked about my "treatment" so I can respond with my alopecian tale...
I'm not bald - I'm just hair challenged :)
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@RebeccaI-I know you will be scared, We are proud of you girl. You have your hubby with you and if he's okay with it then the *&%%^%^ with them. Hang on to your man, put your head and smile. If someone ask you about treatment. just say" I'm not talking health today"
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Permalink Reply by Pamela Rosse on
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Oh Lorna, bless your heart. When I read " how do I accept the alien that looks back at men when my face washes off at night", oh sweet girl, I know that feeling, I call my reflection mannequin girl. Don't be disappointed in yourself. What we deal with daily is not easy, this medical condition we have due to disease we all share is devastating. You have more inner strength within then most people have in their little finger. You see my sweet girl, you get up every morning & even though we put on our eyebrows, draw in eye liner to give the illusion of eyelashes, we carry on. I just found out it's ok for us to have a pity party day. We also need to pat each other on the back & say, atta girl, atta boy. Tell ourselves I may have been handed a crappy hand here but you know what I still am a beautiful woman & I have much to give.
This will come in time my dear. Somewhere out there, there is someone for you, someone who will love you regardless.
You are a beautiful alopecian woman, who is confident within herself & very loveable & you do shine.
Hang in there my alopecian sister.
Pam
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Hey Aimee
Please feel free to use mannequin girl :), I came up with it after losing my eye brows & lashes, I looked in the mirror, was trying to get to know the new me, I realized, oh my I look like a mannequin, I'm mannequin girl. My husband was so sweet, he gave me a huge hug & said well that might be but your my mannequin girl & I'm going to keep you, I love you babe. He made my whole day, he's a keeper.
Take care of you.
Pam
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Permalink Reply by Dom on
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How come everyone on the Alopecia singles page has got hair! lol I just looked at the photo page. That says a lot!
If you moved to another town where nobody knew you. What happens if your hair grows back? Move back? or maybe something worse happens.
The "alien" thought is quite normal.
"it's only hair". Well really "it's only skin". Lots of bare skin. Your head and face are a canvas, so choose to paintt it or cover it as you choose. That is the best option.
Find your best options. Improve on them as you go along and accept your doing your best.
And if you go on Alopecia singles. Be warned! All the people advertised (including men) have hair! Weird
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My friends call me " crash test dummy"
I normally do a big rocking motion and then get on with having a laugh. Thing is i give out more stick than i get but it's all just banter. I and most people don't like walking around on 'eggshells'.
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