True acceptance?

I am realising (perhaps with the most recent gradual disappearance of eyelashes and eyebrows that I don't fully or truly accept my alopecia. I have at points in my life thought I have accepted it. But 27 years on I realise I don't. I tolerate, deal with, laugh at, manage, but I don't know how to accept it and be ok with how I look or feel as a result. If I am truthful with myself I feel unattractive, unloveable and lacking in confidence. I cover it pretty well, but deep down this is how I feel. After the break of up a 5 year relationship almost a year ago I am too scared, too lacking in self- esteem to consider to starting over. The thought of explaining my alopecia in a new relationship or having to bare my "vunerability" to another person again seems too hard for me. I really want to find true acceptance of my alopecia and how I look. I don't know how to do it! How do I not feel ugly and unattractive? How do I accept the alien that looks back at me when my face washes off at night? I am disappointed in myself that I haven't accepted it fully after this time when I see people who do and who shine.... Any thoughts are very welcome...

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Schlueter on February 8, 2011 at 1:43pm
Lorna- It's a grieving process that you're going through- grieving the loss of your hair. Each person grieves for a different amount of time. Some can get over it quickly and others it can just take years. The tough part about alopecia is that the loss is so sssllloooowwww and gradual- you've been dealing with it for years and now something else has started- losing your eyebrows/eyelashes. This is an extremely difficult thing you and many of us are going through, just in different phases. Please don't get down on yourself for not having accepted it- they're human emotions and you can't force yourself to have different ones. What are some things you're good at doing? What types of things are you passionate about? What does make you feel good? I know for me volunteer work helps me get outside myself and focus on others for a while- and they're soo appreciative! But don't discount the emotions you're having- they're yours and they're valid.
Permalink Reply by Angie on February 8, 2011 at 6:18pm
Jennifer- Your right about the process of grieving. You really nailed it! I'm glad you reminded us of this, because many people associate grieving with the death of a love one. Yes. There are several stages to grief that we all experience and there is not a standed time to how long each individual will experience neither stage.
Permalink Reply by Natasha Gehrke on February 8, 2011 at 11:56pm
I don't think that I have ever really accepted my Alopecia. I feel the same way about how I look that you do. I think it comes down to accepting who you are rather than accepting the Alopecia. I have stayed in bad relationship out of fear that no one would love me because a lot of the time I feel ugly, unlovealbe. I have found someone that makes me feel beautiful. My mother had a nurse that told her that I should have faith. This nurse had Alopecia and she is now married and madly in love. You have to find a way to deal with it that is best for you. Whatever way you do this I wish you the best of luck. Just remember that you a strong person and you ARE beautiful! You have the strength to live with something that most people wouldn't. Keep your head high, be confident, and good things will come.
Permalink Reply by Sarah Peters on February 9, 2011 at 2:35am
I just read through everyone's responses..I'm new to alopecia world...and I'm just silently weeping in my chair as I read all these wonderfully inspiring and uplifting comments. You all have such beautiful souls...and thats what matters.
All my love to you all!
Permalink Reply by Angie on February 9, 2011 at 8:28am
Hey Sarah!
Welcome to AW, we need you here! We have to be here for each other. It's a cruel world out there.

Hugs
Permalink Reply by jonl on February 9, 2011 at 8:16am
I realize how you might feel Lorna, but you have to fight your own battle. Alopecia can strike anyone and any person can suffer this face....if someone ridicules you today, the same might happen to that person the other day. Just be strong and take life as it comes!
Permalink Reply by Lorna on February 9, 2011 at 3:35pm
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and support. I really appreciate everything everyone has been saying. I had hoped to reply to all comments individually but there are so many I am getting a little swamped. Being understood, even though people are at different stages in their journey is really helpful - so thank you for that also! x

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