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Permalink Reply by Marte Carlson on May 5, 2010 at 10:26pm

You are absolutely gorgeous!!!! This is the day and age to let your baldness show!!! I seen people with mullets, mohawks, and purposely shaved heads! Embrase who you are!!!

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Permalink Reply by BaldGirlsDoLunch.org on May 5, 2010 at 10:30pm

Hi Juwanda,

It's a really good question regarding your husband. Just go slowly which sounds like you're doing. Most men (if I can generalize) don't like a lot of change and when they do they like them subtle.But the real issue is how he feels heard and how much he feels safe to say. For sure, he knows that "hair" is a sensitive topic and is trying to tread very lightly around it.

Whether it's hair loss, covering up or any other topic, my advice is to say one thing once in a while ( every few days)to test the waters. And what you say is not anything about what should you do or what does he think. All you do is say sort of matter of factly something that shows you recognize he has feelings about your wanting to make changes to your appearance. And you should always preface it by saying, " I don't need any advice or anything...I was just thinking that my hair being the way it is might mean it's going to look different from time to time." And another day: " I don't need your feedback or anything.....I've been wondering what it would be like for other people if I covered my hair less."

Then go off and do something else or talk about something else. No big deal. Just drop a few messages that show you are aware that it's a topic you're both aware of, but not able to express together, yet. Over time, the more he hears you in this neutral way, the more he will just spontaneously offer up views he didn't feel comfortable offering up before. He will open up without your having to pry anything out or make him defensive or uncomfortable.

Thea
join us at www.baldgirlsdolunch.org

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Permalink Reply by Carmen Dayhoff on May 6, 2010 at 6:36am

I'm trying to go thru the same transition.Pics round the house,scarves,hats,don't put too much pressure on urself.I went1day in a scarf a couple wks ago jus for couple hrs.It was a good place to start

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Permalink Reply by Carmen Dayhoff on May 6, 2010 at 6:43am

I think getting some pics done wld help u&ur fam.U set the tone for what others(even hubby)think.If ur uncomfortable w'wut u see in the mirror others will reflect that.When ur comfy,ppl will b amazed.

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Permalink Reply by Lisa Santer on May 6, 2010 at 11:50am

Hi Juwanda,

Dealing with your own feelings, those of your husband, those of others close to you, and others not so close is a lot! I'm confident you can do it. I think Thea & others have given some great ideas about stuff with your husband.

I want to encourage you to take your time with your own feelings, and experiment as feels good to you. Remember, nothing we do with our scalps is irreversible. After decades of baldness, at any moment of any day I put whatever I want onto or off my head.

When I was first trying out not hiding, I tried it at home alone. Then my friends (& roommates) saw me. I didn't really give them a choice--I just took off the wig when I hit our door. When it was time for the wider world I preferred to go out alone in front of strangers so I could just feel my own feelings and/or forget about it. Once I got clear that most strangers don't care, then I was ready to have friends with me when I did it. I think some people take a different approach, bringing someone with them for support or a reality check. Each of us gets to do this in the ways and timing that feels ok for us, & we get to change our minds as many times as feels right.

One important lesson I learned from my experiments is that changing looks, whether it's with several wigs, or wigs to scarves to hats, often lets people who care know that we don't have much hair. That can ease the transition; but eventually some folks probably will worry that we're sick & wonder why we're closing them out of a big thing in our lives.

Wishing you well,
Lisa

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Permalink Reply by stephanie on May 7, 2010 at 1:49am

I am in treatment for cortisone shots for my AA. Wigs can be unbearable this time of year in the heat, but I am still ashamed of my bald patches. The lacefronts are a nice alternative to weaves, but they are still wigs that just happen to look more real. I uncover at home because my family is used to seeing me this way and I'm comfortable-- anyone on the outside would ask too many questions and I just don't want to discuss the condition of my hair to people.

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Permalink Reply by Juwanda on May 7, 2010 at 12:36pm

Ladies,

I thank you so much for the encouragement, it's wonderful feeling knowing that someone else understands.

In the company of loved ones it is not diffuct to bare it all especially since it is a shared condition between my sister and I. My sister is a little more comfortable than I am she already uncovered in public. It just seems like it's a little harder for me. Sad to say I was one of those girls that pulled a shift at the hair salon and most times I went twice a week just to make sure my was in place at all time vain I now but that's who I was.

Carmen: I'll have to try the picture thing.

Thea: I took your advice and dropped a hint or two

Lisa: yes, dealing with everyones feeling can be a little over welming at times, but for the most part any ne close is aware of the situation and most have seen me uncovered only in the privacy of my home or my family homes.

Be Blessed

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Permalink Reply by Evan on July 14, 2010 at 9:20pm

Hi Juwanda,

Since it's now over two months since your post, I don't know if my comment is still relevant. Regardless, I would suggest you and hubby drive some where away from your home town, where no one will know either of you.

The second you've left your immediate community - off comes the wig and it stays off for however many days you are away. Though you both may experience some discomfort, knowing that you are among complete strangers should mitigate any feelings of "what if someone we know sees us".

If this 'experiment' is the success I think it will be, consider your wig to have given it's final performance. Drive home, clean it and pack it away in the memory chest in the attic.

Let me know how it goes

Evan

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Permalink Reply by Juwanda on July 15, 2010 at 11:19am

Evan, thanks that is a wonderful idea I'll have todiscuss it with my hubby and see how it goes Thanks again

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Permalink Reply by Dielle on August 3, 2010 at 2:26am

I don't think its so much that you need to find the courage but more that you need to have it feel right. Before this summer the only people that had seen me completely bald was my own family, but during a summer intership with a vet it felt right to go bald around him and his family. I still wear bandanas at the barn or during the day when I am going out but thats more because I don't tan I just burn lol and I have a sensitive scalp. I learned something important when I was down there....if you are okay with it so will everyone else. Did I get a few people asking me if I had cancer? yes but they obviously didn't say it to be mean or anything and they were more relieved for me than anything after they found out that I didn't have cancer. It's all about the attitude that you have when you decide to go out without anything on your head. I think that previously mentioned idea of going on a trip where you start going out uncovered is a great idea because I know it helped me a lot starting out in a town 3 hours away from anyone I knew because it was low pressure. I knew I wasn't going to see most of those people again after the summer was over so it let me find my comfort zone. After the first week it wasn't a big deal anymore and now I wear bandanas everywhere (Georgia summers are hoooooot lol) and take them off if theres a low chance for a sunburn. Pretty much all I'm saying is just wait till it feels right for you

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