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Vent time - just let it out.
I'll start off first...
This is coming from someone who has AU only for 9 months - everything happened so fast and i'm still in work in progress with EVERYTHING RELATED TO AU.
But i hear others in the same shoes - putting on brows, eye lashes, and wigs then saying you're beautiful and don't need to add anything. It gives me mixed emotions; like its so hard find ladies that doesn't have any false accessories on.
Maybe it is frustrating for me because i was never that person to wear false anything and have no clue how to even wear makeup. So this new lifestyle was threw at me without a warning - i feel like i'm Ms. Potato head; i don't feel like a woman at times.
I just wish i saw more women without false lashes and/or eyebrows more often.
Thanks for listening and allowing me to get this off my chest.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by sinicore on
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Vent time – an outlet for your thoughts and emotions. Unburden your mind and soul. For scholarly needs, consider dissertation writing uk to ease academic endeavors.
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This is coming from your future self… from a women that has been through all
this is the first time I reply in these forms because I know how hard your current feeling is.
I’ve had AU since I was 6 years old, and i’m 38 now
i used to be in your place, not accepting that false accessories will make me look good or change my mood, but I’ve learnt to build it in my daily routine on what makes me happy.. and going for the extra steps special occasions only. Putting on make up actually makes me show more my feminine side when i’m feeling down.We are at the time where being different is not odd, compared to 30 years ago. Please be your beautiful self in any way you see right, what makes you feel comfortable and happy.
remember that the people that love you or who will come to love you in the future will not look at you the way you look at yourself right now, i’ve learnt that we tend to be hard on ourselves, but when it comes to reality that is not true.be strong, hopeful, and give yourself time. Because for me I love both my Ms. Potato head look and my Ms. HotLadyWigOn.
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When i read this i think back to when i first got AU 16 years ago.
I get it.
And its ok to feel that way.
We look at ourselves every day and then it feels like, as you said it Ms potato head.
Im here if you need any ears, advice or a chat, still bald... :D
x
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Permalink Reply by Debwp on
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Hi Denise
I was surprised to read an email from this forum as I feel, as far as my life is concerned, that I have found my answers. I am hesitant to give anyone my advice, but this is my story, abbreviated:
My first bald spot occurred in 1978 during a stressful time prior to my wedding. I raced off to the skin specialist who gave me a prescription for cream to apply, which worked within a short time when my hair re-grew. A while later, another larger bald spot appeared, I went back to the specialist but this time the cream did not work, I was worried. I went back & this time I was prescribed a stronger cream, applied this & to no avail, it also didn't work. Months passed, I went back & this time I was given a cortisone injection, at this time in my life I had not connected the dots. Stay with me here, I will explain.
At that time in my life I was in a stressful state, I would feel & still do, gut-wrenching anxiety when stressed, other times, a sudden shock to my body (for instance if someone came up from behind me to surprise me) my body would freeze, within weeks another bald spot would appear.
Quite a few years later, after I had forgotten about the numerous bald spots that had re-grown of their own accord, (always on the crown or back of my head) Years later, I was under huge stress with a business that failed. One day I ran my fingers through my head & felt an absolutely huge patch of baldness covering half my head, I freaked out. I ran off to my skin specialist, he injected about 10 times into my head, within a few weeks the hair started growing back.
I connected the dots.......I clearly understood what was going on with my body. Every single time I had an emotional "shock" or extreme anger outburst, you know the one where you just lose control, feel the anger in the pit of your stomach, I knew that another spot would result, and it would.
I am 68 years old now & after all these years, occasionally I see a new tuft of hair that is much shorter than the rest, indicating a bald spot & my body telling me to quieten down. As I am retired, its easier to control situations with people to limit any stressful occurrences. I use mindfulness techniques for instance, quieten my thoughts, I find it hard to meditate but I do try.
I believe that Alopecia is caused by stress, in my case it definitely is. I am relating my story with the hope that it helps you with your body, the mind controls the body & when a state of peace & calmness is reached, great healing can be achieved.
Kind regards,
Deb
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Permalink Reply by Rachel Goode on
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Hi Denise
I am so pleased that you have been able to share your feelings and experience with people who know what you are going through.
My AU happened when I was 45 (6 years ago) and how I feel about it is still a work in progress. However, I chose to embrace the baldness and I have the 'fake it till you make it' approach.
The only thing I have really applied to try to appear to look 'normal' has been different versions of eyebrows. Until one day, I decided to go au naturel with no eyebrows. The biggest difference - the uninvited comments about my eyebrows stopped. At least once a day, I would have someone referencing how nice my eyebrows were. Whilst this is seemingly a compliment, it simply highlighted the fact that I had false eyebrows, which reminded me I had AU and that I stood out.
I am in awe of the AU women who are able to pull of a glamorous AU look with beautiful wigs, fabulous lashes and precision eyebrows. Sadly, I am not one of them. So, going browless, lashless, hairless, is far easier, quicker and liberating way to be - for me.
Whoopie Goldberg has said a few times about her not having eyebrows. I have never noticed, but then I haven't looked. I think that is the same for the majority of people who see me. They notice I don't have hair but then don't then go on to scan the rest of my face for the rest.
AU is a journey and if you need to talk to a fellow alopecian without brows or lashes, feel free to reach out.
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Permalink Reply by Roland on
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Your experience is not something to make light of or that everyone in your situation adapts to with ease. There, I have no advice that would not mirror the pep talk many would provide. I can offer my perspective about what comprises femininity and being vital and interesting - from a male perspective. It is the sum of many factors. No one person has all of them. Hair is a factor. It is neither the only or the most important one.
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I feel you! I’ve been AU for 5 years, and I still feel like Ms. Potato Head, and unfeminine. It is hard for me still. As soon as I put my makeup on hair on though, I feel beautiful again. So don’t feel bad about using accessories/makeup to add to your appearance. Even people without hair loss wear wigs, false eyelashes, and microblade their brows (and more!) so no need to feel guilty or bad. Women have been enhancing their appearance throughout time. We just have to go that extra mile now. I say, whatever makes you feel good, do that. Whatever gets you through the day, right?
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I feel this vent deep in my soul!! I too was not 1 for Fake anything. I'm still learning how to wear wigs or put on lashes which is still hard for me to do. I've had My Alopecia for 9 years now and a couple years ago my eye lashes fell out 1 side at a time and it my eye brows would do the same (1 side at a time) so that made me even more self conscious to the point of not even going outside at all. This year, my 9th year was another hard moment for me to "LOVE MYSELF" well learn to love me . I had to shave all my hair off yet again but when I did it myself that gave me the will power and confidence to walk outside, go to the grocery store like a normal human. I could never do that before. This whole new life on being this "woman" who knows nothing about makeup , hair, and everything else that's comes with glam, is still trying to teach myself to how to do it. I'm a slow learner in this area but that's okay!! I take my teachings one-day at a time so I don't overwhelm myself. I too feel like Ms Potato head and that's on the DAILY!! What has helped me the most this time around was I had to just be "ME"! That's what gave me back my everything I let go of when I first got Alopecia. (If that makes any sense) You are never alone my friend!! For you to vent about this, it will lose its power soon enough and one-day you will be surprised that you won't feel like MsPotato Head anymore. Im here if you ever need to talk, vent, scream or just to sit in silence!!! I'm here!! ❤️
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy G. on
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Hi Denise,
im not big on makeup or wigs either. Tried wigs for a few years but now wear headcovers exclusively.
I don’t feel like I need to look like everyone else by putting on false eyelashes, false eyebrows and a wig. I’d rather go with my head over and people can accept me for who I am.
give yourself time and space to learn to live with AU. It is a tough one but you are tough and beautiful. Best of luck to you on this journey.
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I had Alopecia Arcata for 8 years before losing all my hair. I like your analogy of Mr. Potato Head better than my Golum from Lord of the Rings, in other words feeling like a blob is on your neck. While I decided never to wear a wig, I had always been a make-up wearer. For me personally, do what makes you feel good about your self. Even the most made up AU ladies have their down and ugly feeling days. While none of my friends wear makeup, I feel much better wearing makeup. I was very fortunate that my eye doctor asked me if I would like to try a prescription to see if my eyelashes would grow because she could see some follicles. I decided to go to the expense and try. Funny, my dentist who used this product, Latisse, it when she went through chemo, told me to use it on my eyebrows, they too would grow back. All of us are just trying to survive day to day. I hope you find your own way to get through this mentally devastating disorder.
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Hi Denise
I totally understand your frustration and wish to see others who are the same as the you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and venting to us here. I have to admit that being a work in progress in relation to AU is something that we all go through as it is a visible difference we need to find a way to cope with in comparison to the majority of others who don't have this difference.
I'm an almost 50 year old woman and have had AU since I was 11 years old, AA since 3 years old. I choose not to wear wigs, make up or false brows or lashes. I do wear scarves/hats/beanies to keep protected from sun/heat/cold when working or outdoors. All I can say to you is that there definitely are women with AU out there who go without false lashes/eyebrows/wigs but you don't necessarily need to see this to make your choice whether or not to do the same. The decision to is all yours and those who make comments or look or stare etc are truly not worth thinking about (easy to say I know, harder to do). Women are not defined by hair on their bodies or not having hair on their bodies. I can feel your struggle and pain/frustration you are experiencing with your identity and empathise as I definitely did experience this too and found it frustrating to see what seemed like most women with alopecia choose wigs, false lashes/brows/makeup. The choice is yours and your identity is what you make it. We live in a world with so much diversity and much more acceptance of difference these days compared to other times. I remember reading the Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf in the early 90s which really helped me with my struggles and identity as a woman who didn't conform to beauty standards, not having hair being a part of that. I would recommend reading it or similar books/articles on the subject published since.
Having AU is certainly an additional challenge and difference in life which we didn't choose and the journey to fully embracing and accepting our physical appearance (whether that be to wear wigs/makeup/false lashes or not) is one hell of a journey to take and reconcile within ourselves. Michelle Law's TED Talk 'A Bald Woman's Guide to Survival' https://youtu.be/JvR8p0nHnww?si=YHlN9bcz2ez_qAH1 is also something I recommend watching plus other ones of women with alopecia and their experience with it (search TED Talks alopecia).
You are not alone in how you feel or the frustration you are feeling.
Big hugs, love, best wishes and strength and support to you with whatever you choose to do or not do Denise, from one AU bald woman who chose not to wear wigs etc. to another (who may or may not choose to do so as well).
And remember you can always change your mind and look throughout time.
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The first time I saw someone with AU going without hair my heart LEAPT. It was a big surprise, that response, and it has continued ever since. MY TRIBE, or something. I was still wearing hair at that time but I wanted to stop. It felt so fake. I stopped wearing hair at the beginning of the pandemic and haven't gone back. All summer I go bareheaded and all winter I wear cozy caps. When I pass people I try not to look at them because so many stare to try to figure out what they are seeing. I got AU at age 60 and a few years later I got eyebrow tattoos and my eyelashes grew back. I am grateful for them because I think it's good for my eyes. It doesn't stop people from staring. I WISH EVERYONE WITH AU would go bareheaded so that it becomes another version of normal. BUT I did wear my hair, re-cut to look more like I did with hair, at my daughter's wedding. I am very happy with that choice. I wasn't a distraction and the pictures look great. Maybe I will put my hair on again now and then. I do wear makeup and earrings. Looking like I'm female is important to me, for some reason. I would like to study that phenomenon sometime.
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