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What if people find out?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dominique Cleopatra on
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You don't have to advertise your condition, but if anyone asks or notices something is different, be straight up with them. Don't lie about your condition, but don't make a huge deal about it. If you remain confident those who matter will respect you. I can't imagine how hard it must be to go through high school having to wear a wig. High school was hard enough for me with a full head of hair. However, I go to college and wear a bonded-on hair system and haven't had any problems. Anyone who makes fun of someone for having a health condition isn't someone you want as a friend anyway!
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Permalink Reply by GardenJess on
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I didn't have to deal with alopecia as a teenager, so I won't pretend to know how hard it is for you. What I do know is that high school was hard for me anyway. I remember feeling so self conscious that I started thinking about how I was walking down the hall, and if you are trying to think about every foot placement as you walk, it is pretty hard to appear naturally graceful and confident. It is a challenging time, and one you will move on from as you and your classmates head off in different directions. I totally get wanting to just be normal and fly under the radar, but you should do what feels right to you. When I realized I had serious hair loss, I knew that trying to hide it all the time would just add to my stress, so I have been very open about it and not regretted that decision. I am, however, mostly around people who are too young to really care or old enough to have more perspective about what really matters.
What is the worst that could happen if you let people know? What if people find out? Personally, I think an intelligent young woman should be valued for a heck of a lot more than her appearance.
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Hey Liv,
You know what? People are shallow at ANY age. I live in a small town in Mexico/New Mexico. I have to wear a wig to work, and i'm sure everyone there knows i wear a wig. How? I told the manager in confidence after she had asked about my hair. She couldn't seem to keep it to herself, apparently. Yes, small town folks are like that.
Sure enough, every time i was having a conversation even with the Mexican male orderlies? They would be listening to me, but their eyes would go straight to my hair line. It had gotten to the point the hispanics that worked way over in our ER would be passing by, look at my hair/wigs and laugh out loud - especially the females. I was later asked by one of them if i wore a wig. And i answered "yes." Which later, didn't help matters.
Mexican females love the fact that they genetically have long hair - and they flaunt it. Some times i would be walking down the hall at work, and one of the them would walk up to me, take off of her hair clip, let down her hair, look at me and laugh with her friends while walking off. Now, these are 30+ year old adults.. and you say YOU'RE in high school? Trade places with me, and you won't be able to tell the difference.
And yeah, i know all about the "stares".. especially being a minority in a 90% hispanic population, 7% white (maybe), and the rest Native American with only a couple of african americans here and there. And i am one of that "couple of".. which doesn't help matters.
I figured if they know about this at work, then surely it would spread around this small town. My manager was German, thus when it filters all the way down to the hispanic non-english speaking laundry workers at the hospital? Then yeah, EVERY ONE from both sides of the border knows that i wear a damn wig.
At first, i panicked, and felt very embarrassed/ashamed about it. Over a period of time, i just became used to it. It's hard, but you can do this. If i can, you certainly can.
There's an old saying Liv, "Beware of STUPID people in large groups"..
steer clear of them.Just appreciate who your true friends are. They are the ones that matter anyway, right?
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Yeah nice to see this contradicts all that feel good crap you told me earlier in my blog
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You sound so much like my daughters experience right now. She just transitioned to a wig this week and her HH wig is slightly thicker than her hair when she isn't experiencing alopecia. A mean girl noticed this subtle change today and asked her about it, she is devastated and worries that she will get bullied, as am I. It's tough and people are ignorant about alopecia. I'm sure you are beautiful both inside and out. Stay positive!
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Permalink Reply by michelle on
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Hi Livkerp, Thank you for sharing your story. I am a lot older then you but I do know AU. For me its been 4 years...before that long hair. First off you are already a positive example of uniqueness for YOURSELF! The idea here is you get to decide what works for you. You never want to feel like you have to hide who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Alopecia is a disease that you have no control of. When it comes to kids at school, if/when you decide to share just know that other kids will have some reaction. Thats pretty normal as you don't see many females without hair. The more others see that you are cool with your AU, others will become comfortable.
I wish you well...
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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I don't know, dear young lady...maybe a thinning of the wig so that it is more natural looking is in order?
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Hi Liv,
I'm a new member to Alopecia world, but certainly not new to Alopecia. When I was 7 years old I lost all of my head hair. My experiences of going through school was difficult due to being bullied most of the time. Well, I could go on and on about my story and experiences and will have to post my story soon. Anyways,,to make my long story short for you of how to deal with the hurt at school is to just ignore it the best way you possibly can and to be honest if someone asks about your hair. I didn't accept my condition when I was young until I got much older and now looking back at my years in school I wish I wasn't afraid to talk it and to show the world the girl / woman that God created me to be. Trying to hide the fact that I wore a wig just created all kinds of problems for me… I really admire your strength that you already have and hope that you’ll continue to become stronger and more courageous each day.
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Hey Liv :)
When I found out I had Alopecia, I was 19 and I had just finished school (March/April) which was probably good for me because I did not have to see my friends every day anymore and had some time to cope with this new situation. At first, no one (apart from my family) knew and I was very reluctanct to wearing a wig. We bought one, of course, but I barely wore it (mainly bc at that point I was still able to cover everything with a hat). Later that year I told my best friend and a few other close friends. Because I had finished school, I then went to London to do a gap year as an Au Pair (the family I worked for knew as well). My hair started regrowing to a point where it was all back so I cut it short to a pixie haircut. That was when I told all my friends, by sending them this photo and explaining why I cut it short. All of my friends were very supportive and understanding and didn't care whether I had hair or not.
Half a year later I started going to University in London and didn't have to tell anyone there because I had hair again. Unfortunately, 6 months later it started falling out radically to a point where I had no hair at all left on my head. That is when I had to start wearing wigs regularly for the first time.However, I saw this as an opportunity to go a bit crazy. I always wanted to try out different hairstyles and colours but was always scared because I did not want to damage my hair by colouring it etc. But then I thought, hey, with wigs it's so much easier. So I had ordered a few different wigs (rather cheap ones), one short brown one, a long ginger one and got more and more. I am currently wearing a pink one everyday.
Of course people had noticed the change and they would ask me if I had been to the hair dresser but I would just say that I was wearing wigs. Some would ask why, some wouldn't or I would just tell them the entire truth (dependant on my mood and how well I knew them). This was about 2 years after my Alopecia had started. Now, pretty much everyone here knows I am wearing a wig and that I have Alopecia and I don't care. I personally prefer it when the people around me know about it.I guess what I want to say is first of all: your real friends don't care, but I am sure you already knew that. But what really helped for me was this entire change of moving to London, then going to University. Especially in London no one cares what you wear.
Maybe some type of change would be good for you too? Now, obviously you are still and school and I don't mean that you have to move to London but there are other types of changes. Maybe buy a really cool wig, with a really crazy colour that you maybe always wanted to dye your hair to? And people will react to it like "wow, that colour looks really good on you" and you will automatically get more comfortable with your wig and also with telling other people.
Or change your entire style, buy those clothes where you thought that they would never suit you but you secretly always wanted to try them. Go crazy, start new hobbies, do Yoga, learn a new instrument, ask your crush out, etc etc etc.I hope this helps you a bit :)
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Permalink Reply by Debra (twin mom) on
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Hi young lady. People are people and most of the time they will have their own opinions about what is happening. My advice is that you be honest and open. If they are nor accepting....then they don't deserve to be your friend and furthermore...you wouldn't want them as friends anyway. Both of my boys have au. I ran into a woman who approached my boys in the middle of the store and took off her wig to show them that they were not alone. She started right about your age. She seemed very confident about herself but it is what she said that made me think. She said......I have au, it doesn't have me nor does it define me. And while it might be easier said than done to think about it that way, you have no control o er it, so enjoy your young womanhood and don't let it take over you!
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